Category Archives: Family Times

February 12, 2013 · 11:54 pm

February 12, 1809

I never took note of this, or maybe most calendars don’t add it to their days–but I noticed on my new calendar that today is Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. That is what it says. I went around the house and checked other calendars to see if it was posted on their February 12th as well. I found one that said it again, along with the date: 1809. 🙂

In light of Lincoln’s birthday, I thought I would share with you my favorite quote:

If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.

~Abraham Lincoln

I first heard this quote on Disney’s classic, Pollyanna. Pollyanna, a missionary child, is sent to live with her rich aunt after the death of her parents. Encountering a whole different world–now being rich–Pollyanna never seems to lose her spirit of spreading joy, simplicity and gladness with others. She even teaches everyone her “Glad game.” It starts to spread around town, changing people as they start to see life with a different attitude.

Because her aunt is rich and powerful, much of the town is run by her decision, even the sermons at church. During an afternoon talk with the preacher, Pollyanna asked if the minister liked being the preacher of the town. She follows by sharing stories of her father (who had also been a minister) and said that he found a quote that helped him when he got discouraged. It was engraved in her necklace. It was this Abraham Lincoln quote. In reading the quote, the minister realizes that he has been using his pulpit as a way of condemnation. He learns to love his congregation, and in return…more joy and gladness spreads around the town.

I can’t say much about Abraham Lincoln’s life. I don’t honestly know much about it. I know big events, such as the battles of the Civil War and some of his speeches but nothing past that. However, what I have read in glimpse formats throughout some books is that he respected all mankind. Like Pollyanna, that attitude spread–even in spite of the Civil War. He did not agree with everyone, but he had respect. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 12:16-21,

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written,

‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay’, says the Lord.

To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Valentine’s Day is only but a few short days away. What greater lesson to remember than to seek the good in others, even loving our enemies.

With malice towards none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds[.]

~Abraham Lincoln. Second Inaugural Address, March 4, 1865. (1)

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Lincoln Memorial. Washington, D.C.

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Gettysburg Address.

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Lincoln’s hat. Smithsonian Museum, Washington, D.C.

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Standing close to where the Gettysburg Address was said. Gettysburg Cemetary, PA.

Recommendable:

Boritt, Gabor. The Gettysburg Gospel: The Lincoln Speech that Nobody Knows. New York: Simon & Shuster Paperbacks, 2006.

Gross, Anthony (ed). The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln. New York: Fall River Press, 1994.

Pollyanna. Disney, 1960.

References:

(1) “16. Abraham Lincoln[,] 1861-1865.” Whitehouse.gov. Retrieved February 12, 2013. http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/abrahamlincoln

Pollyanna. Disney, 1960.

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February 3, 2013 · 5:38 pm

Birds of a Feather

I read this quote in college during the semester I was on the Tarceva oral chemo pills. Amidst chemo, my strenuous 18 credit hours and volunteer time…I found the quote so amusing and fitting to myself that I adopted it for my “quote” of the semester.

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath. ~Michael Caine

It is nothing theological, philosophical or life changing; in spite of myself, I did not do a good job that semester of keeping calm on the surface…even though everything in me was paddling underneath.

I have not thought of that quote in quite sometime. It was only until Mom and I took a walk around the community park/pond that it resurfaced in my memory. We pull up to the park and see the paparazzi of ducks approaching our car. Mom mentioned we should have brought bread. I remembered that I had one packet of graham crackers left over from the hospital in my purse. Success:

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The small packet of crackers did not last long, even though I tried breaking off small pieces–so we just started to take our walk. Most followed us:

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After realizing we had no more food, they made a rondevu at our car.

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Some needed a little nudge to get out of the way… 🙂

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This little time at the park reminded me of when Jesus fed the five thousand (Matthew 14:13-21). Jesus went to a remote spot to be by himself. The crowds (like our ducks) followed him…seeking Him to meet their physical needs. Jesus did not send them away, like my nudge to the ducks, but had compassion on them. Come dinnertime–Jesus did not have graham crackers, but the disciples had two fish and five loaves of bread. His disciples questioned as to how they could feed these people with only this small amount of food? It was a step of faith to believe that Jesus could feed all. And He did–with abundant left overs! The people did not long for more like the ducks at the park. They left satisfied.

So often I come to God like a duck. I can pretend on the outside to have everything calm and under control. But I do not. My inner being tries to control everything from having a productive schedule to keeping my medicines list straight. It starts to consume me on the inside even if I am calm on the outside. But God sees me as I am: a duck ready for graham crackers–hoping for more than just a life running off a time schedule.

I write this now, because I know it will happen. It is my transition stage–going from high activity and bustle of health related issues to entering the days of “normality.” When this happens, I see my high dependency in Christ diminish. I start taking things back in my own hands; in busyness, I forget to take time to sit and rest; and I easily question the simple tests of faith like the disciples.

It is dinnertime and I don’t want to leave the mountain yet; I still have so much yet to learn.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30

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February 1, 2013 · 10:45 pm

January MRI results.

Hi guys.

Just wanted to give you a heads up about my doctor appointments yesterday. It went well and best of all, I got to spend the day with my dad. 🙂 Ok, so not the greatest father/daughter date but the conversations were well worth the drive.

First, my MRI showed stable results. And while that is a praise, it is also a bit of frustration just because of the increasing side effects…mostly numbness/weakness/finger curling in hands, lack of bowel movement on its own and pressure in the neck. This means that the tumors are probably changing density or hardening–there is no way to ever know that but we just have to assume that something is still causing the pressure on the nerves even if they are “not growing.”

So, with my main doctor–we discussed all my questions and current observations about things I notice changing. We discussed again my two possible treatment options. I have a much to think and pray about in the next few weeks. I need to reread the papers my doctor gave me at the beginning of January and review the treatment side effects, talk with my parents and ask a few other questions to another doctor since I will now be on Warfarin blood thinner pills. Not saying that I will do treatments but not saying I am not either at this point. I just need time to really think and pray about things, as yesterday my mind was a bit overwhelmed. Sure, I got all my questions answered, but left with a full mind…because it is my choice; my doctor is not telling me what to do–so I want to be wise in the decision-making process.

As for everything else we discussed, here is a short synopsis:

I am on the last 2 weeks of the steroids. I started today as the first week where I decrease the amount taken everyday. The following week, I go every other day–then I am done and off the pills. One less pill to take in the morning: YAY 😀

Today, I started taking Warfarin (pills) with my Lovenox. I am officially starting the transition off the Lovenox shots! YAY. 😀

I saw the pain team again. Because I am on such a low dose of Lyrica, they added one more tablet a day to see if that helps with the tension and numbness I am having…especially the pain in the neck area. We also discussed different stretches for me to do to help loosen my shoulders. I also need to work on my posture and keep my chin in when sitting or standing as that is all related to the shoulders and posture. Time for me to get back into stretching exercises in the morning and also, I am going to restart on my own the physical therapy exercises I remember to help get my left leg muscles back to working.

A day like yesterday can be long, strenuous, and mass information–but I like my doctor team so much that it is like talking to friends. They let me ask my stupid questions, laugh with me as I share stories and offer encouragement when I am frustrated (or crying). I am so thankful for all of them.

And that ends my January chapter…one month of the new year down–11 more to go. 🙂 Thank you for all the support and prayers for me and my family…I am so thankful for you too.

More to come…

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January 30, 2013 · 6:14 pm

Walking with my Raincoat.

I’m looking for a friend to hold the door

It’s cold outside when I don’t know where to find

A sheltered place secluded from the race

Of this old life

It is rainy here. Gray, misty, windy. Reminds me of this past month. Seems every turn had bad weather.

As I walked out in the downpour with no raincoat

I was soaked down to the bone from head to toe

Without my raincoat, anywhere I may go

I still get wet somehow

And yet right now as I sit and glance out the window…blueish clouds set in a faded yellow sky. I can’t help but smile.

I found a friend. He’s with me to the end.

He promised me that He would not forsake His own

And when a promise never ends

It can only mean one thing…it’s from above

The sky is now pale pink. The reminisce of hope in the storms.

Now I walk out in the downpour with my raincoat

After all is said and done, He’s still the One

With my raincoat, anywhere I may go

I know I’m alright

Reference: “Raincoat.” Downhere. Word Entertainment, 2001.

 

 

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January 27, 2013 · 5:44 pm

Blessings from bruises.

Because I am on blood thinners, my bruises seem to be taking their precious time in healing. Right now, I have a lot of combination of colors…most are still dark purple or blue on my stomach. When I looked in the mirror this morning after my shot, I remarked out loud to myself, “That looks like a seahorse.” Yep, a seahorse…like finding shapes in the clouds. 🙂 On the right side of my stomach, a little heart was formed when two bruises came together. It was then I started thinking of my bruises–the ones on my stomach that go unnoticed to the massive bruise on my right arm where the IV was placed on the outer part of my palm. It extends a good two inches of brownish-red to below my outer wrist. Very obvious and not very pretty, unless I am wearing a sweater or beads.

But I figure, bruises are temporal. They should (I hope) start to turn their greenish-yellow healing colors in the next few weeks before slowly fading back to my pale skin color–then just disappear altogether. I know you may think this is strange, but if anyone else is an organized, planner-ahead person…well, then I just really can’t explain why I thrive on this sort of activity–but, yes, I already have my Valentine cards/gifts set out to write and get ready to mail in the next week or so. Crazy, I know. I think it came about strong this year, due to the paintings I have been putting together for the coffee shop. Or maybe reading some verses in I John, or the sermon last week at church, or watching a few chic flicks on the recovery days. Not sure. As I was finishing up my paintings yesterday for Beans-n-Cream, I could not help but do one more 8×10 painting as thoughts of love, red, purples, bruises and blessings came to mind.

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Somehow all these thoughts made me stop and think of the real Love that has been shown. Mercy and grace were given by blood and bruises: Jesus, dying for the sins of the world that we might know God and know His Love.

But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5, NKJV

It is not even February yet, but it makes Valentine’s Day so much more anticipated…and I think that is why I anticipate it–because it is like Easter (i.e. Saying “He Lives” more than once a year!); the holiday means so much more when you think of it every day. How can I love my family, neighbors, strangers in the way that God has shown His Love to me? It has been in my thoughts and prayers as I want to show that kind of Love…and bless others who have so richly blessed me. Fail on days I will (human nature), but God’s Love remains. And that is what matters. ❤

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January 23, 2013 · 10:30 pm

Surgery results.

I feel like lately a lot of my titles have been, “I’m Home!!!” Just to say it once more as an unofficial title, I am home!!! 😀 Actually, I have been home since last night. I got discharged around 3pm, and we got home around 5pm-ish. I am so thankful for that! I took a nap in the car and when we got home. I was to lay flat for the rest of the evening, so I ate a soup supper in bed and then ventured out to the couch to read for a bit before heading back to bed. Lots of sleeping. 😀 I feel much better today. They wanted me to get around normally doing things but still take it easy. I just have done things today like getting dressed, got myself breakfast/lunch, walked around from the kitchen to my room…and I also took another nap this afternoon. A pleasant day of recovery.

But now you are probably wondering how the surgery went. First, thanks for praying for peace about being put to sleep. Because I have a medi-port and told them again about being nervous/last experience, they decided that accessing my port and putting the anesthesia in my port would be faster in putting me to sleep. They were right! My parents came back with me to the hallway right where the surgery room is and they were there as they put in the anesthesia…and then I was just out. No going into the room, putting on the mask…nothing. I just went right to sleep right there in the hallway even before they pushed me into the room! A much better experience this time! I am thankful for that option and would choose it again if I ever had another surgery. They did have two other IV’s in my right arm, but they did not bug me and were taken out shortly after I woke up in the recovery section.

When I woke up, I was so confused…just typical after surgery groggy-ness. My parents came back and I asked, “I am done?” LOL. I was not in the recovery area for very long, and then headed home. Dad drew me a chart to explain things so I could understand…so I hope I can explain it to you so you can understand as well. The surgery went very well and it was still a good thing to have it done so we now understand what is going on. The most important things to know:

First, the Lovenox had already dissolved the new clot, so there was none to be taken out (which was a good thing). I will remain on the Lovenox until next week when I have my final whole day of seeing doctors (Jan 31st…my three-month check up with a round of different doctors). I also see the main doctor for the blood clot that day as well. Depending on what the doctor says, I may continue the shots for a while, but will most likely wean off the shots and take the Warfarin pill…for the rest of my life.

And second, they found that the clot from last year still had a large amount of the clot left. It is so hard and stuck in the vein, that the vein no longer is used. The artery was not the problem and since the vein is no longer being used, they did not put in a stent either. What they found was that my body had made new veins that branch from the left to the right across my back and that takes the blood around to the heart that way. They were happy to see that my body had already done this on its own. To be honest, I had NO idea that your body can make new veins! The more I learn about my body and what is happening on the inside, the more I am amazed at how God created our bodies in such detail!

There is always the risk that I can get another clot. Only God knows that and only He knows why I have had this clot…or even the last one. Doctors cannot pinpoint any answers and I don’t think we will ever know, but I am at peace about that too. I will most likely wear a compression stocking for a long while and will remain on the blood thinners (possibly) for life. It may help decrease that chance for another clot.

Right now, the back of my left leg is just a small wound. It is right behind my knee so bending it sometimes pinches, but I am walking more normal and put up my feet when I sit. I am not allowed to drive until Friday, but I get to shower tomorrow (glorious!). I feel getting back to normal routines will come quickly, but still going to take time to rest up and nap this week…as that is important too! It is snowy and cold outside, so it sort of gives me a good excuse to sit with a cup of tea and do some reading/rest anyway.

Thanks for all your prayers, emails, and texts! I am so overwhelmed at how our family has been wrapped around with love and support and prayers. 🙂

Mel

PS. I have been singing this song today:
“How Can I Keep from Singing” by Chris Tomlin
😀

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January 14, 2013 · 10:32 am

I have decided.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to give you a quick note this morning before I head out for the day. I have to go down to the Liberty Children’s campus (about an hour drive) to get some lab work done and then my MRI is at 4pm. So this will be another long day, but needs to be done. I actually fall soundly asleep during my MRI’s so I really can just look forward to a few hours nap. 🙂

I have made my decision about whether or not to have the surgery to remove the clot/see if a stent is needed. I really struggled with my decision. My darkest fear is being put to sleep…bad experience from the last surgery to place my medi-port in caused this. I talked with my family Saturday night and was really honest with them. I think too I was still not understanding how the anatomy and procedure works, so I got a more clear understanding on that as well. But I still had to decide.

As I got in bed, I made a list of pros and cons and did some thinking. In the morning while I was doing my devotions God kept bringing me back to Psalm 4:8, “In peace, I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” I looked at my list of pros and cons. If I truly did have more pros than cons, and if the fear was the only thing holding me back…I figured that was pretty lame. God gave me an overwhelming peace about my decision. Through the course of the day–discussing more things with my family…calling my sister and thinking of things ahead, I see now that this is a good thing. There are many positive aspects of doing the surgery and so being now at peace, I am ready.

I do not have a date yet, but it will most likely be at the end of this week. I will keep you all posted. Thank you for your prayers this weekend about my decision. Please continue to pray for my family as this is a lot for them too and quite frankly–we are exhausted.

May all your expectations be frustrated.
May all your plans be thwarted.
May all your desires be withered into nothingness.
That you may experience the powerlessness and the poverty of a child and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.

*Prayer over Henri Nouwen by mentor.

More to come…

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January 12, 2013 · 6:30 pm

Home :)

Although last night might have not been our best evening. Mom got sick yesterday morning with a 24-hour stomach bug, so she spent the whole day at the hotel. Dad came in the early afternoon to the hospital to be there when we discussed surgery options with the interventional radiologist. I am also so thankful he was there to help me figure out the medicines as they sent me home on the blood thinner shots called Lovenox. I got discharged around six pm. By that time Dad was not feeling well, so thank you everyone for your prayers, because God protected us on the way home. I fell asleep and Mom was sick in the front seat, meaning Dad was on his own feeling sick yet having to drive an hour and half home. We had to stop by Walgreens in Xenia for more of my medicines, where Dad did get end up getting sick. So there I sat in the car with two sick people. Not our greatest evening. But we made it home.

My sister came over to help. I am so thankful for all she did last night and today: laundry, dishes, helped me put on my compression stocking and helped get my parents get their toast and ginger ale. Coming home would not have been so smooth without her here. 🙂 She helped me get my shots…my stomach is turning nice shades of blue again, but I think I toughened up from last year as the shots don’t sting as bad this time. 😀

Things seem pretty normal now. Had a great nights sleep in my own bed; did some reading today and took a nap; got a few things sorted out in my head (makes you feel like you are actually organizing)…but it is the little details about upcoming painting projects and the like (more to come on that!). I am now watching the Broncos vs. Ravens game (what a game!) and catching up on emails (thank you everyone for your prayers and encouragement.)

But there is still the lingering decision I have to make: to have the surgery to remove the clot/stent placement if needed or not. I have to make my decision by Monday. So as long as Mom and Dad are feeling better by tomorrow (they are doing much better than a few hours ago), we need to sit down and discuss things. It is like it should be an easy decision, but it is complicated. I lean in both directions for and against, but I want to make sure that my decision will be the best and most beneficial in the long run. Because in all truthfulness, I don’t want another blood clot. Even now, I see how God protected me. The clot went through my heart to my lung! I would have never guessed. I felt nothing.

In making my decision, I can’t guarantee that I won’t get another clot and neither can doctors…but I do want to have clear thoughts about steps that could be possible measures to helping prevent another one. If that makes sense. My thoughts keep going round in circles. So more prayer is needed as I desire to have peace about the decision. Thank you all for your continued prayers, support, love and encouragement. It means so much to me and my family. I will keep you posted in the days ahead.

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December 29, 2012 · 12:00 am

I’m home!

Yep! Got discharged about 9:45pm and we left shortly after that. Sleep finally found me on our drive home, but still exhausted. We all are. Got home not too long ago and I am ready to jump (not literally) into bed. My own bed. 🙂 I am feeling much better compared to how I entered the hospital/the last two weeks, but it will still take recovery time and getting used to the new stomach/digestive medicines and the steroids. Doctors are now aware of the problems I have been having and will keep in contact with me about how I am doing. My main doctor was out-of-town so he has yet to be notified about all this too.

Thank you for your prayers. The doctors there are so kind and want to help me feel the best and maintain the best I can as long as I can and I am thankful for that too; it is a huge blessing to me and my family.

And I just cannot thank God enough for my family. For all their love and care, texts of encouragement, and by replacing a short trip to see grandparents and cousins to hang out with me in the hospital. And those extended family members who understand the sacrifice they had to make to help me feel better as it was in part a sacrifice for you too, thank you for your love and prayers.

It is in moments like these that I do not understand why my problem had to come at a time like this, but trusting good has come out of it. Because God is good. And that is what I am going to think about as I fall asleep. I am going to trade my guilty weight of “bringing down the family and ruining the weekend” with thoughts of God’s goodness and grace.

Goodnight everyone.

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December 25, 2012 · 7:50 pm

Christmas all year long.

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Yesterday’s Christmas Eve service was the same as Sunday. Off I went Sunday with my family to their church so I braced myself for a service without interpreters, which I knew. The pastor usually leaves his sermon notes copied off on the table in the foyer, but there were none left when we arrived. I just watched the praise team from the balcony where we sat and read the words to the songs, occasionally hearing the beat of the next stanza so I could try to sing along. The sermon started and I just followed the three main bullet points of the sermon about the particular Advent candle. I had my Bible so I read some passages and found amusement from the boy sitting in front of me trying to figure out where the exact middle of the Bible was–he ended up in the middle of the Psalms. No surprise, I told myself…seems like I had done that myself when I was his age. We took communion and then the praise band did an acoustic version of “O Little Town of Bethlehem.” They sang all the verses–and even though I could hear all the words, I just sat there and listened for most of it. Just letting the words sink in. “O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel.”

Last night was different though the same church, same pastor, same seats. Except this time my attitude was different. In the car, I kept thinking to myself–this is ridiculous! I could just stay at home and read my Bible and sing a few hymns to myself. I felt more like a hypocrite really–wearing my favorite skinny jeans, cute sparkly top and sparkly shoes. Like dressing up for nothing…was what my thoughts were. The songs had no words on the power point; there were no bullet points to the message; and worst of all, I forgot my Bible so I couldn’t even read any passages. I just sat there. My right hearing aid was not right and so I had to take it out; my shoes were bugging me (and my sister told me they were making noise as I was trying to take them off); and I just really wanted to leave. We did not even have candles to hold when they started the song and proceeded with the congregation lighting each others’ candles. The people in front of us turned and realized we had no candles. They offered theirs. Another woman did the same. When all the candles were lit, we sang Silent Night.

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In the candle glow, I realized that this is what Christmas should be like–sharing our candles with others so they too have light in their time of need. It brings hope and love and peace. The Light of Christmas isn’t meant to burn out the 26th of December. The message lasts all year.

From my house to yours: Merry Christmas!

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