Category Archives: Books and Movies

April 29, 2013 · 11:59 pm

Life’s a Road Trip

Road trips. I love road trips. Usually I am the backseat driver, unless I am needed up front to drive (which is not very often) or to sit as co-pilot and make meaningful conversations to keep the driver alert. Because I had my nose in a good book last week, I opted to take the backseat. We left Thursday and spent the night a few hours down the road so by Friday we only had half the time left to get to NY.

We get to the hotel and I am laying out my things for the next day and start getting ready for bed. I take out my hearing aids and place them in their safety container; then I put my container in my purse so I do not forget them in the morning. (Can you imagine!?) Friday morning we grab drive-thru for breakfast and officially set off on our way only 9 minutes behind the schedule we had hoped for the day before (I was so proud!) Now, you have to understand…freeways, airplanes and the constant murmur in the background at the grocery store gets very annoying to hear. I usually have my hearing aids on the second setting on road trips when there is another person in the backseat with me so I can keep in conversation and I keep them at this setting when I am shopping. I just take them out in airplanes. Because it was just me in the back and I wanted to read, I left my hearing aids in their container.

We get about 40 minutes from my grandparent’s place (destination) and I am on the last page of my book. You also have to understand…I normally shy away from a few genres in literature: Sci-fi, romance novels and animal (pet) memoirs. But my latest trip to the public library had a shelf of books about animals and gardens–in theme with springtime, April and Earth Day. A few caught my eye, with this one in particular, because the owl on the front was so fuzzy and cute I just had to read it. It turned out to be a very educational read, but it was entertaining all at the same time. After two hundred and some odd pages, I am absorbed in the life of this biologist and her owl that I get to the last page and feel it coming! Yeah, the tears. Inevitable!

If you are like me and don’t normally read animal memoirs or watch the nature show, then hope you can sympathise with me on this for this very reason: tears. Not that crying is a bad thing–I think it shows how great the book is, because the author was able to relate that emotion to the reader. But when I read books that I know will make me cry, I usually like to be in my room. Alone. Yet here I am on a NY freeway trying to control my emotions that I really was not expecting until I started the last chapter. I finish the book and decide if I distract my thoughts from what I just finished reading then I would be fine. I mumble up to the front that I am getting a Charlie Horse cramp in my left leg and I need a rest stop. Up until this point I have somehow managed to keep the tears at least in my eyes, but as soon as my mom turns around to see what I need, one look and I burst out the ending of the story in one grand sentence and then sob profusely.

Mom and I finish our tiny chat about the book and I dry my tears. I figure it is time to put in my hearing aids. I first put in the right hearing aid but don’t hear the “ring tone” that announces to my ear that it is turning on. I put in the left (which is no longer my dominating ear but practically deaf ear) and can’t hear much of anything. I take them out and replace the batteries. Nothing. I know my left aid is working but I pass up my right aid to my mom to see if she can hear the ring. Nothing. Now I am no longer sad but a bit frustrated. What am I going to do? I just had to put them back in my case and back in my purse. “I will just have to lip-read today.” Sometimes my hearing aids just need a break and then the next day work again, and because I have had to turn them up to the highest setting most often as of late, I figure if I just try tomorrow then maybe they will work. The timing in this is not great. First, a whole weekend with my grandparents. How horrible would it be not to hear? And second, I just finished this book about barn owls and other birds who have such precise hearing that they can even hear spiders crawling up the wall. Surely adds to my frustration.

You may have guessed by now–but if not I will tell you: my hearing aid is currently still not working. I avoid the term broken, because it could be a numerous amount of factors that does not necessarily mean the hearing aid is broken but just needs a few adjustments, like new sensor pads or sometimes my ear wax will get inside the aid and cause it to not work. I am hoping it is not broken. But I did survive the weekend! Actually, I think I did quite well. I think right now I just want to have a pride moment and pat myself on the back. But I also give a lot of praise to my parents and even my grandpa who took time to sign little words (even make them up just on the spot so I would get the word at the moment) and lots of finger spelling. 🙂 Most of one dinner conversation consisted of the game “Guess the Word in ASL.” That was fun. And we toured a lighthouse on Saturday, so we looked up how to sign the word. All I knew was boat.

We finish the fabulous weekend and life goes on. I did not do anything different today than if I was wearing hearing aids. I had a meeting in the morning to discuss job potentials. The lady knew ASL, so there was no interpreter, but I think I talked and lip-read more than I signed. I notice without my hearing aids in, I am more verbal to say, “I am Deaf” and let people know why I am not understanding one word or accidentally interrupting a conversation or starting one way off subject. Deafness has blocked my hearing senses, but I noted to myself this weekend that my eyes are going to have to take more responsibility: more observation of my surroundings especially in social settings.

I did not think my life would ever come to this time…this moment when I had to face the reality of my deafness. But in a way, this weekend helped me more than it did frustrate me. I learned in part from my grandpa. He is a godly role model. His actions, faithfulness and servanthood shine louder than his words. He lives out the famous Mark Twain quote: “Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” He cares for my grandma everyday…even all hope seems lost. He is like Samwise Gamgee:

Frodo: I can’t do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo… and it’s worth fighting for.

~J.R.R. Tolkien, The Two Towers

We may not be fighting off Orcs or battling for Middle Earth, but I know even in Deafness that there is good in this world. My story does not end here. And when the new Day comes, it will be worth everything! I hold on to that hope: “[But] we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5;3-4

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April 15, 2013 · 3:59 pm

Conversations

We sat at an oval table. There were seven of us having a conversation. It was a typical conversation: We had some laughs, times of serious stories, questions, personal reflections. We interrupted each other and the best part was you did not have to feel guilty about not bowing your head or closing your eyes during prayer. No one else was either. All was silent.  And yet, I understood almost every word.

Isn’t that exciting? I sat for an hour listening with my eyes, talking with my hands–American Sign Language! I have not had an experience like this since I took a summer ASL class in college. The Deaf community of the town got together every so often for dinners at local restaurants and they had invited me to go as well. That was one amazing dinner and conversation!! 🙂 Here, our group is much smaller and diverse: There are the two interpreters; a couple–the man, mildly hearing-impaired and the wife, hearing; a Deaf man; an occasional college student who is studying ASL; and me–profoundly deaf, but can still hear a small percentage. But we all sit together on Sunday mornings for the same reason: to hear the sermon.

Our interpreters came up with the idea of our group meeting after the first service to have a time of fellowship. I think it is a brilliant idea! Soon after we started, I discovered that I am in dire need to practice, practice, practice my signing! The group assured me in full support–“This is the best place to practice.” How true. Watching people talk with sign language is different from actual signing. I know most signs and can sign well enough to carry a conversation. But I doubt my memory of the signs and I literally cannot fingerspell. I used to be fluent–signs would just float in the air as I tried to sign as fast as I talk. But the college days are over. I re-entered the hearing world–outside of my classes, chapels, Deaf friend and interpreter–becoming dependent on it, forgetting my signs. Yesterday was my motivation reminder: “For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.” ~Aristotle

I lip-read, even when talking with a Deaf person or an interpreter. I can see the signs, but the focus is lip-reading. Like taking a picture–focusing on something in the background, yet you can still see what is in front. Same goes for how I communicate. So when they don’t use the mouth function..I see how much it impacts the way I receive the information. (Not as good.) For myself, I still “hear.” Therefore, I associate lip-reading with sound. I live with a hearing family…so when I open my mouth to speak–instinct tells me to use my voice. How else am I to be heard? As we carried on our conversation yesterday, I made a mental note to self…remember the elementary rule of effective sign language communication: facial expressions! This is the tone…there is no need for voice. Facial expression is the voice of the conversation!

Now all that remains is to retrieve the dusting ASL books off my bookshelf and to dive in–looking up words, signing things I see during the day, getting a better right-hand movement in my fingerspelling. And I know the main reason in my not striving for this earlier at home–because it is embarrassing. The sound of that sentence is just ludicrous! It should not be, but it just is. I should think of it in terms such as going around the house, shouting the words at the top of my lungs…why is that any different from just a little sign? I am not certain. Maybe it is because we have never really signed much as a family, besides a few basic words and they can fingerspell. Maybe it just seems inconvenient to me…why sign to them when they can hear? I am not certain. But my family is taking the steps to try different signs to me…why not then sign to them or practice myself?

My sister signed/sang to me the “Happy birthday song” this year before I blew out my candle on the cake. At that moment, I thought it was so beautiful that I almost cried.

bday song in sign language

So today I added another motivation reminder: I love my family and desire to communicate better with them. Thus, I will strive to practice routinely. We are all in this together…even though I am the only one nearing Deafness.

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April 9, 2013 · 5:38 pm

Unorchestrated.

[Adj: Not orchestrated; unarranged or off the cuff]

I would venture to say that if I wrote this blog a few weeks ago then it would have had an entirely different perspective. I would have quoted to you lines from the Grinch: “Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise, noise. There’s one thing I hate, all the noise, noise, noise, noise!” Or my favorite Finding Nemo: “Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.” The seagulls only ever quote one word the entire movie; must not have been difficult to learn their lines. Nigel, the pelican, is about to gulp down his breakfast. Annoyed at the seagulls, he turns and states in blunt authority: “Would you just shut up?”

When my hearing first started the extra editions of obnoxious noises and rhythmic patterns in my head, I had to force myself to find humor to keep myself from tears in most conversations. These two quotes above are most often what I thought. It was and is probably not very obvious to anyone (except to my family) that I am struggling to hear, most often past the extra noise. I put my emotions in the incognito, like the Penguins of Madagascar’s secret tunnel digging at the zoo: and I feel I hide the emotions well, until I can no longer conceal it.

Just%2520smile%2520and%2520wave%2520boys

Communication. Hearing. Deafness. My thoughts seem to be consumed most often about these words, their meaning in my life and how to handle them. I first started hearing a high-pitched ring in my ears in the eighth grade. I grew to ignore it; it really did not distract me or play any significance to my communication even when wearing hearing aids. I don’t think I ever really thought much about the ringing, unless it was louder than usual–in event I had a headache or something. Fast forward ten years and things started to change soon after we returned from our spring break vacation. I noticed two different rings. They both had different pitches and instead of just a constant steady ring, they made patterns almost like a broken record. This is where my first annoyance started. And I thought of the Grinch. I thought of Nigel.

NF2 is a disease where you often feel complete isolation in dealing with the different side effects caused by the tumors; but what I should know or realize by now is that I am not alone. Maybe there are a few extremes, like my sweet-smelling aroma–which I still smell!!! But the ringing in the ears, also called tinnitus, is common among other people with NF2. However, before I knew this, I finally had the courage to ask my friend–who also has NF2–if she had ringing in her ears. In our discussion about the different noises we hear, we both described them in terms of musical instruments or notes–which I thought was fun. And then I realized it is yet another area in my journey with NF2 where suddenly I am no longer isolated…after all these years of thinking that I was the only one who heard excess noise in my head! Suddenly, my perspective started to diverge.

There is no “on” or “off” button; I will live with these noises my whole life. I walked in the kitchen last week and declared, “I am nearing Deafness; yet I will never sit in silence.” As many days as there are of complete frustration in trying to communicate, even just with my family, there are other days like today where I hear the noise but it is tolerable. Maybe it is because last night I sat out on the patio and waited for Muffy to finish his midnight snack. I thought to myself about all the noises and patterns in my head, simultaneously playing their rhythms. It sounds like a 5th grade band; it sounds unorchestrated.

Then I laughed at the thought: “I wonder if any of the famous composers ever felt this way?” Hearing all the noises of the orchestra in their heads while compiling their notes together to become one masterpiece. How did they do it? I thought of Beethoven. His deafness never stopped him from becoming a world-famous composer. I can’t destroy pianos like he did, but in waking up this morning, I realized that the piano is one sound and melody in my head that I hear. The tinnitus is changing; last week it was the sounds of trumpets, electric guitars, an accordion, and clarinets (which were most annoying–sounded like someone was just blowing air in the horn and wiggling their fingers back and forth between two notes.) This week, I still hear the clarinets (though not as loud) and the accordian…but today I hear a regular piano. It has been like listening to a “rest and relax” cd you find at stores even though it sounds more like a child just sitting down and playing random keys up and down the piano. But it is a piano. It is almost refreshing.

Who knows–maybe tomorrow it will not be so refreshing; maybe I will hear something new or maybe not. These past few weeks have taught me about embracing change once again. So today I concluded that even though this may not be the “music” I am accustomed to hearing, it is music and I can praise God for the noise–even the clarinets.

Praise Him with the blast of trumpets high into the heavens,
and praise Him with harps and lyres
and the rhythm of the tambourines skillfully played by those who love and fear the Eternal.
Praise Him with singing and dancing;
praise Him with flutes and strings of all kinds!

Praise Him with crashing cymbals,
loud clashing cymbals!
No one should be left out;
Let every man and every beast—
every creature that has the breath of the Lord—praise the Eternal!
Praise the Eternal!

Psalm 150:3-6 (The Voice Translation)

References:

Dr. Suess. How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Random House, 1957.

Finding Nemo. Disney Pixar. 2003.

*Image taken from http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/attachments/religious-debates/981d1171060978-great-news-hope-our-future-just-20smile-20and-20wave-20boys.jpg.

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April 8, 2013 · 11:58 pm

Book review: The Vow

I’ve never done a book review before, only book reports or research papers–but never an official “review” per say. Though I have mentioned book summaries on here before, such as Kathy Van Riper’s A Race Worth Running, I am not sure of what a book review entitles. Which is a pity, only because I never give reviews on Goodreads or other websites like Barnes and Nobles about what books I just completed or struggled through; how spectacular (or not so spectacular) a certain read is. Of course, it is all humble opinion. You have heard the saying, “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” I like to add, “Or its title; or its book review.” 🙂

Over this weekend, I had the chance to read The Vow by Kim and Krickett Carpenter. For all the books I have on my list of “to-read” or “currently reading,” this has never been one. In fact, I had never even heard of the Carpenter’s story, until the movie based on the true events hit theatres last year. Completely forgetting about it, I get a text from my friend a few months ago who asked me if I had read the book. “Is that a Nicholas Sparks book?”, I text back. Shame, I know–but the title just sounded like something that he could have penned. She responded back and told me a brief synopsis of the book and then brought up the movie. “Oh, I know which one you are talking about!” Like a lightbulb came on. She was just finishing the book and sent me her copy to read for myself. And I am glad I did!

The Carpenter’s story of life, faith through every circumstance and love challenged me from the moment I started the first chapter. As I moved from the opening chapter titled “Boy Meets Girl”–a fun, heart warming reminder of the early 1990’s dating scene: late night phone calls using a land-line phone resulting in huge monthly phone bills, handwritten letters and commuting back and forth to see each other (in the Carpenter’s case, they had a long distance relationship)–I found myself in tears as I started the next. In no way could I imagine the pain endured of what happened two months after their wedding.

Kim and Krickett had just come off a “mountain top” experience: within eight weeks of meeting, they were in love and planning a wedding. Starting life together, they did not imagine that a fatal car accident would leave Krickett with serious head injuries and in a coma for weeks. She suffered short-term memory loss of everything that they just had lived a few months prior. She did not–and to this day–ever regained memory of meeting Kim, dating him, or getting married to him.

As I continued reading, I was greatly encouraged by the Carpenter’s faith. The book is written mostly from Kim’s point of view and I completely appreciate his honesty about his faith during those trials. Krickett’s faith–even though she suffered brain damage, memory loss, loss of all other function/skills…went through extensive physical, occupational, and speech rehabilitation–still talked about her faith like a solid rock. Personally, I related to the kind of faith Kim endured during those months–trying to do it on my own, forgetting that God holds the bigger picture and cares deeply about every detail in our lives. He promises never to leave us…but that is so easy to forget during the darkest hours.

Doctors did not expect Krickett to make it to the hospital alive, seeing as she had been trapped in the car for more than a half hour, unconscious and bleeding. Doctors did not expect Krickett to make it on the hour flight-for-life helicopter ride from Gallup, NM to Albuquerque. They did not expect her to live through the first full day; the first week; make it to rehabilitation; recover in physical aspects as well as she did (of course, she had been an All-American gymnast in college.) After seven months since the accident, Krickett and Kim found themselves against the odds and literally starting a new life together. After seeking help, the Carpenter’s started to date again, even though they were married. Krickett needed the new memories as the old wasn’t to be found. After a season of “re-falling in love,” they had a renew of vows ceremony. The rest goes from there.

In the last chapter, Kim writes,

Although Krickett has never gained any memory of meeting, dating. or marrying me (the first time), our life today could not be greater. After all we have been through enduring the trials and tribulations that have confronted us, we know that there will be more to come. That’s just how life works. But we have a great sense of appreciation and thankfulness for what God has given us. We have been truly blessed. (175)

As I neared the end of the book, I thought to myself, “I am not even married and this shows what true love and seeking God with our whole lives is about.” Then I thought how I can tend to focus on the past, but there is no need for that…instead seeking to live out for today to the best of my ability. Of course, it will be a habit I need to work on. Like today, Mom and I went to swing at the park. I told her in the car how I used to walk everyday after class at CCU to the local park and swing for a half hour or so, then walk back. Then I added, “I can’t do that anymore.” Then I went on to say how my body is not the same as it was last year around this time, or even from Thanksgiving, to just a month ago. I do not think of my body being on a downward spiral, but when I look at the bigger picture…most often that is what I see–until I remember (or am humbly reminded) of all that I have been blessed with even in the darkest hours.

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold.”

Job 23:10

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April 4, 2013 · 11:03 pm

A Day Like Today

Today ended up being my last session of Physical Therapy. I was not anticipating this at all since I was scheduled two more sessions next week. I feel as if I “graduated,” and now I get to go forth and onward in life taking the new stretches and exercises I learned and hope to maintain what I have started to build in terms of healthier muscles. I think my eight sessions of PT also caused me to be more aware of the little daily tasks in life that I have come to see cause neck pain or bad posture.

For example, I don’t wear much make-up; but after starting PT, I noticed that bending over the counter to apply my eye liner, shadow, and mascara caused pain to appear in my neck from the position of bending in and straining forward to be close to the mirror. I ventured to Target one afternoon and found myself a nice square mirror with a handle on the top and brought it home. I already have an over-the-door hook for my bathrobe, so I moved my robe to a different hook and placed my mirror over the door instead. Brilliant. Best five dollars spent in the month of March! One side note though, the hook is not that low, so when I apply my eye make-up…my nose is what I first see in the mirror. Good thing it is not any higher or I would need a stepping stool!

Since this morning brought unexpected good news, I–in excitement–decided to celebrate in the best way possible. I grabbed Taco Bell for lunch then headed to Wal Mart to buy an exercise mat so my twice-a-day PT routines can be more enjoyable rather than just the hard floor. I wish I had a mat down the other morning as I took a “trust fall” to the ground.

“Trust fall.” I am sure you have heard of the term. It was the part of church camp obstacle courses I did not like. It was not in part of trusting the person behind me…it was trusting myself just to fly backwards. I just never could with grace or ease until Tuesday morning as I tripped over my own feet and pajama bottoms as I got out of bed. It sent me flying backwards, trust fall fashion, until my head snapped off the ground and I just lay flat. Not the best way to start your day, but all I suffered was a minor headache during the day.

Until yesterday. I woke up thinking to myself, “I have the worst swollen glands!” It took a few morning hours at the coffee shop to realize that it was not swollen glands. My entire bottom neck by my collar-bone just throbbed; I finally figured that it was major whiplash from my fall–it is more like a pulled muscle. I was fine during the day for the most part; but towards the early afternoon and evening, the bad posture and sticking out my neck due to the throbbing front portion of my neck caused the intense pain to start in the back of my neck. Of course, I could have done a bit more relaxing during the day, but I had this drive to organize my file box. After a few loads of paper trash, three times emptying my shredder and frequent “lay down on the bed to give my neck some relief” times–my file box had a complete make-over. It felt grand.

I got in bed for the night and placed my heating pack on my neck. I started to think of what to say to my PTA about my Tuesday’s fall; I already had to tell her two weeks ago about another fall I took on the wood floor in the hallway–note to self: Mel wears shoes in the house at all times…not sock feet!! Or just now, I go in my room and miss the light switch, take a step forward in the dark and fall into my closet–note to self: Mel leaves a small lamp on in her room once it gets dark outside. PT has trained my mind to become more aware of these problems; it is just that I do not think of these problems or solutions until they occur. 😉

Anyway, it did not take me long to fall asleep last night and before you know it, I was up an hour before my alarm was set to go off. I decided to use the extra time to read. I love morning readings. My mind seems so open, though my left eye would not stop twitching today. I am currently reading David Crowder’s book, Praise Habits: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi. This morning I was reading his chapter on Psalm 8, in which he rewrites the Psalm in his own words in form of worship. This paragraph seemed to gratify my thoughts:

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,

your handmade sky-jewelry,

Moon and stars mounted in their settings.

Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,

Why do you bother with us?

Why take a second look our way?*

I fell asleep last night after a day of what I consider macroscopic pain! I woke up this morning with only the usual morning stiffness that went away after I started moving around and getting breakfast. Yesterday I did not do any of my PT exercises or stretches; today I did them all (minus a few neck routines.) I went all day with no pain like yesterday.

I feel microscopic; I examine my thoughts and stand in wonder (awe) that God would heal this pain so quickly–that today was not a day of pain, but of celebration and fellowship. It leaves me singing as the Psalmist, “O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!” (8:1)

*Crowder, David. Praise Habits: Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi. Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2004. Pg. 49.

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April 3, 2013 · 12:45 pm

Honest thoughts.

Praise Him for the unexpected and the unlikely, for the daily and the difficult. The more you count, the more gifts you will see.

~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

My initial blog intentions for today’s post was to write a “follow-up” from my last post about painting. I was going to write why I love painting versus writing with a pen or even typing…leading into the new struggles with my physical conditions in my hands. I have a few blog posts that I have been putting off for a few weeks now, because I was a bit upset by a comment I received about my blog posts. In a way, the comment made me think of my writings…as a form of “checks and balances” to see if what they were saying about my blog were true; but it left me with more wounded thoughts than anything else. I don’t even think it wounded my pride. It just hurt.

There are times when writing a blog about your physical conditons is emotionally difficult. Ok, maybe not–“at times”–it is hard to write about my physical conditions. I desire to be honest about what I experience and try to relate to the readers the best I can what I live with everyday. I cannot write all details or even describe fully how my days are filled, because some are just inappropriate to write about for a blog and others are just unexplainable. I even have a hard time describing different pains to my doctors. I have to get creative–if you will–to describe something. Like this new obnoxious ringing in my ears. I finally started describing to my family what the different simutaniously ringing noises sounded like by describing them in terms of instruments and rhythms. Then the annoyance seemed more light-hearted and I laughed at a few that I described.

So this morning as I started to think of how to start writing these posts of “updates” on my physical health, my thoughts took a turn when I read Ann Voskamp’s quote; then I finished reading my friend’s non-profit blog about their trip to Rio, the work they did there and the people they grew to love; then I read a bit of updates on what Bethany Hamilton is doing in Morocco and that Nick Vujicic has a new devotional book out (his first book, Life without Limits, is an inspiring read; I recommend it!) I started to think about my looming blog entry I had not even started yet and decided, “Today I am not going to write about my physical conditons…my limitations. Today I am going to count my blessings.”

I think it is easier to count your trials more than your blessings. Indeed, our trials can be our blessings should we choose to persevere through them. I still desire to write about my life with NF2. Afterall, it is the biggest aspect of my life in every way. As I ate lunch with my dad on Friday, I said, “My life would be boring without it.” I try not to focus on the negative aspects, but I am human and in all honesty…there are days when persevering takes all the effort of my energy. There are some days that I do not feel like counting my blessings and just mope around the house. But today is not that day. As I finish my Matcha Madness Green tea and step out from my favorite coffee shop back into the daily routines in life, I am a humbled. God continues to show me that yes, I go through rare physical conditons that leave me with accumulating limitations, but He is greater than my limitations. He shows me through others who have persevered through their own physical limitations that God can still use me right where I am. And for that, I truly can count my blessings.

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March 21, 2013 · 11:57 pm

Waiting for Spring.

Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.*

I am sitting drinking a hot cup of plum tea, wearing a cozy sweater and my feet adorned with my slippers. The fireplace was just on and I think, “This is not spring-like weather.” Even today at lunch, snow frillies fell randomly from the sky and I said out loud, “Winter [has met] its death!!” Well, not quite. But slowly, it is changing.

This afternoon, I worked on sorting through my pictures from vacation. Some I have set out for cards and the rest I put in order and placed them in the photo album. The day we were at Grandfather Mountain, my mind thought of Narnia. It felt like winter…”Always winter but never Christmas.”* The hoarfrost on the trees, fog and gray skies just added to my imagination: This is what Narnia must have felt like.

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Winter in Narnia did not end overnight either. And while I am not waiting for magic to weaken, I do just have to be patient–spring will come.

Thinking these hopeful thoughts–I have good news!

I am finally able to wear my left hearing aid!!!! 🙂 For the first time in over a month! It still is not all the way back to normal, but I hear a little. The tunnel feeling is still there when I speak, but I turned the aid up to the highest setting–then put it into the second setting where the background noise is eliminated, and that helps. However, I do not think this is the best option–so I need to get in to have my hearing aid adjusted.

Since some of the fluid is out from behind the ear drum, now my ear is taking small steps back to where it was (I hope)! I have some fluid in my right ear as well, but so far have not noticed a change in hearing too much. The only thing is that I have extensive loud ringing noises all the time in my ears, and so I almost didn’t test the left ear yesterday. I had just changed my battery in the right hearing aid on Tuesday, and figured it would be a waste of a battery. But, I was wrong. I was instead filled with joy even at the smallest sounds.

Another praise is that I no longer have to go to the doctor’s office for weekly INRatio tests. INRatio is a small finger poke test that determines my blood count, due to being on the Warfarin blood thinners. I received my own home machine and kit on Friday and went through the training session. Monday’s test was an epic fail. The plan was to compare my home results with the doctor office results–I went and sat in the waiting room frustrated that morning. But not today! Because my blood count was high Monday, I had another test today. My INR was a success (thank you Mom for your help!) and my number matched the number at the doctor’s office. Now I am on my own!

While we were on spring break, I had a faxed order from my doctor for an INR test (just in case I needed one!) If I did, we would have had to find a medical facility to have the test done–which means registration, paperwork, waiting rooms–you get the point. Not something you want to do while on vacation! Having my own machine now will also eliminate this type of activity. The machine is not very big. I think my make-up bag is bigger, HAHA! So this is just one example I have thought of that makes having a personal INR machine a huge blessing!

On most days, spring may still seems a long way off. March seems to have come “in like a lion” but can’t decide whether it wants to leave “like a lamb.”

‘He’ll be coming and going,’ he had said. ‘One day you’ll see him and another you won’t. He doesn’t like being tied down–and of course he has other countries to attend to. It’s quite all right. He’ll often drop in. Only you mustn’t press him. He’s wild, you know. Not like a tame lion.’*

In whatever way winter leaves or spring comes, I am learning to find hope, joy and blessings in both the cold and warmer days.

*C.S. Lewis The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

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March 13, 2013 · 10:48 pm

Biltmore Estate (Written)

Elizabeth, as they drove along, watched for the first appearance of Pemberley Woods with some perturbation; and when at length they turned in at the lodge, her spirits were in a high flutter.

The park was very large, and continued great variety of ground. They entered it in one of its lowest points, and drove for some time through a beautiful wood stretching over a wide extent.

Elizabeth’s mind was too full for conversation, but she saw and admired every remarkable spot and point of view. They gradually ascended for a half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by the Pemberley House[.]

It was a large, handsome stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills[.] Elizabeth was delighted. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. They were all of them warm in their admiration; and at the moment she felt that to be mistress of Pemberley might be something! (1)

Although I wish we were visiting England…Asheville, NC is second best choice for this quote. The scene from the novel Pride and Prejudice came alive in my mind as we drove into the Biltmore Village and into the Estate entrance. Having just read this chapter the night before, I could not help but mention something aloud to everyone in the car. The drive through the wooden area to the house…though still winter brush (and occasional bamboo trees) was still beautiful. You could also picture Disney’s Beauty and the Beast as the opening scene where the Beast is still a prince–the wooded area with the castle in the background. It was something like that. 🙂

We parked and rode the shuttle the rest of the way into the estate. (Side note–it represents excellent tourism when you are the last car to leave the parking lot, LOL.) As you entered through the gate, you see the house and being the first time for all of us, I was just amazed! I literally felt like I was in a different country (France was what I felt.) Now, I am a big fan of architecture, so the first thing I start looking at is the details of the walls of the house and the structure. We have visited the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. and there were a few similarities of style that I noticed.

We could not take long at first to soak it all in, because I had to go in and meet my interpreter. I was fortunate that she had already been to the house before and was excited to sign for the tours again (no matter how long!) We were set to go on the Butler’s Tour first, before the regular “walk through on your own” house tour that had a tape you listened to and a map with some extra details. We had a few minutes to spare, so we saw the rooms where they showed the process of how the house has and is being restored to maintain the history there. It was pretty fascinating, because they showed these pieces of rare artwork and how specialists use different cleaning processes and glues to put back together broken artifacts. You could never tell that anything was wrong with it at first glance! Also, they talked about the draperies and silk chairs/wallpaper. That style of rug weaving with silk is almost outdated! They talked about how they are having a shop in France–that specializes in this technique–help them in this area of preservation. Because George Vanderbilt loved to travel and loved the arts, much of his collections are from overseas countries which makes the process a “world event”–or so I say. 🙂

The Butler’s Tour was a “behind the scenes” of how the servants of the house did their duties. I found this so fascinating! I know the BBC show, Downton Abbey, is a view much from the servants point so I had a little glimpse already of how the process goes, but was still blown away at what details and professionalism that had to take place! The house is about 4 acres itself with another 8,000 acres of land otherwise. The Vanderbilt’s had more, but after George’s death, his wife–Edith–sold part of the land to the U.S. Government for a national forestry. Anyway, the house has 250 rooms and I believe 43 bathrooms. Considering the house was built in 1895-1898…43 bathrooms for that time period was A LOT!!! They had their own electricity. We saw where the coal was dumped from the main outdoors to the lower level…then saw the big furnaces. They had their own water–which they could fill up a 70,000 gallon swimming pool that was in the basement! There was a gym (the gym had a shower no less!) that had a hallway attached with private dressing rooms so the servants could bring down the guests clothes so they could change there. I read on a sign that Mr. Vanderbilt could change his outfit as many as eight times a day for the different occasions! Best part of the basement was the bowling alley. 😀 The servants would have to run and replace the pins after the ball strikes, LOL. Classic.

There was so much detail already in the house, but the Butler’s Tour was really extrodinary to get even more behind the scenes! The house even had different colored walls for different meanings. The brown hall was the servant’s hall. Then as you went around closer to the bedroom entrances from the back…Mrs. Vanderbilt’s hall was a rose color. The bigger picture of the house made better sense when we did the regular tour…because then we knew that the doors in the bedrooms went out in the servants halls. There was also another room where the china for dinner was kept. The meals would come up from the kitchen (which was on the basement level of the house) through a dumb waiter to the room. The meals were then placed on the china that had been picked by the Vanderbilt’s for the evening or event happening and made presentable. Then they were taken into the dining hall. The room had china up to the ceiling in cupboards! They had ladders even! Can you imagine?? That would not be a job for me. 😀 I thought the kitchen set ups were genius. There were three parts in separate rooms: regular food, meat, and pastry. They had a freezer and storage for their milks and cheeses. They have a dairy farm there on the property so they got their milk from their own cows. Also, much of their fresh produce was from their own land/gardens.

On the house tour, there was so much to see. It was like a huge museum! 😀 My favorite rooms were the banquet hall, the library, Mrs. Vanderbilt’s bedroom, and the Louis XV room. The banquet hall was designed to look like a throne room from the 1500’s. It had tapestries, a massive pipe organ in the loft, a triple fireplace at the other end of the room, swords hanging for display and flags, and a huge oak table. The library was AMAZING! Mr. Vanderbilt loved reading, traveling, the arts. He owned 23,000 books. It literally goes to the ceiling of books! Another Beauty and the Beast moment here! Funny part is that after the books were used, they had to be compressed to fit back on the shelves. On the ceiling of the library is the painting, The Chariot of Aurora, which they took down by segments from the ceiling of the Pisani Palace in Venice. You can only tell in a few spots where the segments were cut and put back together. It was astounding. I don’t know with all George’s traveling, generous hosting and charitable events, recreational activities and family when he had time to get in that much reading but I applaud his endeavours and library! 😀

Mrs. Vanderbilt’s bedroom was one of my favorites due to the colors. It had gold walls and mostly gold everywhere–the ceiling had painted textures if pale purple and a minty green color. There were the silk pattern of the chairs and bed–these were part of the fabrics that France helped restore. If I were running a home magazine, I would look at this room for simplicity (even though it was super elegant designs obviously)..but the colors and the oval shape of the room…the windows. I think it would give good inspiration for ideas anyway. 🙂 And lastly, the Louis XV bedroom. It is where Mr. and Mrs. Vanderbilt’s daughter, Cornelia, was born. Cornelia also gave birth to her two sons there! For a baby’s room, it had quite the furnishings. My favorite part were these stairs that go down to the window…like a little “sunroom” where one could sit with the baby and look out the window.

I will close with the Vanderbilt’s love of travel. We discussed it at dinner tonight, but I mentioned that I found it amazing that George and Edith made relations with people as they traveled. They just did not have a love for all this historical artwork without also getting to know people of importance. For example, I do not remember who, but someone who George knew personally (and knew his love for art, etc) helped him get Napoleon’s chess set. Yes! Isn’t that great! 🙂 We got to see it too! Also, George was very fascinated with Japan. I read there that he and his cousin spent a while over in Japan touring and getting art work. He had an ancient samurai warrior armor and swords. I also saw the invitation where the Emperor of Japan invited Mr. Vanderbilt personally to his birthday celebration while he was still in Japan. What an honor. The Vanderbilt’s were also very charitable people. They helped fund a school library, a church, and other needs for education. They shared their love for learning and the arts.

This history just fascinated me. We spent 10 hours at the Biltmore Estate. Let’s say the next day, my left ankle was swollen and I was incredibly sore from all the stairs, but it was worth it!!! 😀 I decided I would like to visit in every season: we got “winter”…but I have heard Christmas is spectacular!! The tree is in the banquet hall–that ceiling is 70 feet tall!!! It would be so beautiful to see the gardens and do the outdoor activities in the spring/summer and then the tree colors and harvest in the fall. Whenever I get back, I am sure I will always see something new and exciting! I recommend a trip to Asheville, NC if you are ever at loss for a vacation idea. I can think of nothing better than ending spring break in this way. 😀

Pictures in the next post…

References:

(1) Austen, Jane. Illustrated by Hugh Thomson. Pride and Prejudice. Mineola, New York: Dover Publications, Inc. 2005. Pages 301-302. (Have you ever noticed on classic novels that after the recent publication date, it says something to this extent: “This Dover edition [is] an unabridged republication of the work origionally published in 1894 by George Allen, Ruskin House, 156 Caring Cross Road, London.” Brilliant!)

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March 10, 2013 · 11:49 pm

Week in Review

Hi everyone!

I just returned today with my family from our spring break vacation to VA/NC. What a trip!! I made lists in the hotel using their complementary notepads/pens of all these events I did not want to forget. I have so much to blog about that it excites me! It is amazing what a week away from your computer can do to one’s mind. However, I just checked my email inbox. My apologies to all who emailed during last week. I will write back as soon as possible.

Where to start? I thought I would take tonight and just tell you the fun events in general. We were able to see family during our first half of the trip: aunts, uncles, cousins!, my grandparents, and even some second cousins…but really, first or second cousins does not matter in my mind. I love them all and seeing family was such a wonderful time~but I just have one regret…that I was only with one hearing aid all week. My left ear is still having problems with fluid behind the eardrum. The week before we left I had a hearing test–and it was not very good. So, I went on spring break Deaf in my left ear relying on only my right hearing aid (which is not the stronger of the two) and lip-reading skills. It had moments of frustration and isolation feelings, but for the most part even if I had no clue what the conversation was about, it was nice just being there seeing faces anyway.

Otherwise, the trip had many rewards: Go-carting with cousins; playing Scrabble with the grandparents (team Grandma and Marcia won!); I tried octopus (no comment); I turned a quarter-of-a-century old (yeah the big 2-5); we visited Samaritan’s Purse headquarters in Boone, NC; and I finished Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. I even added thirty new words to my vocabulary…now the task is learning to use them in my sentences. This might sound sarcastic, but my favorite new word is “odious.” I just laugh at the sound of it and love the way Elizabeth used it in her personal reflections of Mr. Darcy in the beginning of the book when she thought him as prideful. Such a classic written story. I highly recommend it!!

And, as you might guess–we also saw historical places and lots of art!!! We visited Old Salem, NC. Being a Monday, all shops were closed but two: the bakery and the bookstore. It was such a nice day we still ventured around the street and saw the old buildings. Quite the place with interesting history!

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They were not “one a penny, two a penny…”, but they were delicious!

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They still use this brick oven today!

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We visited Boone, NC and actually got a snow day there. Instead of going further in the Blue Ridge Parkway, we were able to see the town and the Mast General Store. It has been in business since 1883. They had a whole room of candy–mostly “old-time candy”, meaning candy that is now very hard to find anywhere else. We were able to stop into two art stores: an art shop where local artists’ work was on display and an art supply store. The more I see art, the more I see how much I can improve my art and how much there is to learn! I was able to get a book at the art supply store about using mixed media with your paintings. I can’t wait to try some of the ideas!

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We were able to drive up Grandfather Mountain. I learned something new about winter beauty: hoar-frost. It is truly a beautiful frost that made me feel like I was entering the land of Narnia. Dad, Marcia and I walked the mile high swinging bridge. It was INSANE COLD!!!!!!!!! But it was fun memories having walked it in the blissful winter weather (and the hot chocolate machine was broken when we got back inside, LOL.)

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And our final destination was Asheville, NC. We ate at a great pizza place called the Mellow Mushroom (thank you Melissa for the recommendation!!). Then the next day we toured the Biltmore Estate. I am just going to leave you with that suspense, because if I start on the subject this post will never end! Let’s just say having just been reading Pride and Prejudice, I felt that I was on the drive through Derbyshire towards Mr. Darcy’s Pemberly Estate. 🙂

The Biltmore Estate far exceeded any expectation I had of grandeur, art, history, beauty. It seemed so unreal. I literally felt like I was in France, not NC. I have much to tell you about the day here, but if curiosity overtakes you before my next post I added the website at the bottom.

Fun facts of that day: first, it was my birthday. What a birthday to remember!!! I am serious–this is milestone memory! I will have to plan something this great for when I turn 30. LOL. And second, I had an interpreter for both tours and I cannot thank her enough! I was able to understand everything or ask questions. I just really enjoyed that service! All in all, it was a great day with my family as we toured this historic landmark.

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Mellow Mushroom…now a pizza place was once an old gas station. Pretty neat!

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The front of Biltmore Estate.

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Path leading out to the gardens.

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We saw more art on the journey home. In Asheville there is a Folk Art Center which had more original artwork…art that I consider the last of “heritage art,” such as calligraphy, making dolls out of corn husks, or weaving (baskets, chairs or rugs on a loom). Art just amazes me…as it did Mr. George Vanderbilt!! And with that, I am putting myself in suspense for writing all about the day so I will end for tonight.

More to come!!!

Websites:

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/

http://www.mastgeneralstore.com/index.cfm

http://www.grandfather.com/

http://www.biltmore.com/ and http://blog.biltmore.com/

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February 28, 2013 · 10:42 pm

Freewriting on my Writer’s Block.

I just pushed the timer. Normally teacher’s set a time limit of five minutes, but to give my hands some grace I set the timer for twenty minutes. My sister just asked what I am doing. “Freewriting.” The sound of those words sort of makes me giggle. The thing is that lately I have had anything but writer’s block. I feel I have had too much on the mind about writing. Maybe it was spending an hour yesterday morning drinking coffee and reading the “Freshly Pressed” blogs or finding my first diary that my grandparents gave me 16 years ago. The diary became a close companion. I wrote almost every night through high school but in college I threw all but my first diary away because they were nothing but “cute boy blogs and high school drama.” I sort of regret that. I think a lot of my current “writer’s block” is associated with my computer…the realization that I spend too much time “in the box” which is the computer screen rather than expanding my knowledge through books, journaling thoughts and exercising the mind through creativity or physical activity. I have been aspiring to read more–between the few books I have currently bookmarked, I realize that my vocabulary is so small. Then I realized I have no dictionary. I usually just use google. I lay on top of my bed for a few moments to give my neck a break-another reason I think this week’s writer’s block has been a bit on the negative tone for my computer–I get the neck pain due to the position in which I sit, though I try to hold a good posture. So as I lay there thinking about how the writing world of my life has diminished I think of all the fun posts I want to write about in March. I think part of my writer’s block is like my life…I excitedly plan ahead but see the boring of today. It is something I am trying to overcome as a planner, writer, thinker, blogger. But I am ready to break away from the box, “aka–the computer screen.” I heard carrying around a small notepad during the day helps ease writer’s block. Not that I am lacking ideas but I am lacking writing things by hand–I don’t want to make more future to-do lists. I want to think and create written substance. I want to enjoy a time thinking “outside the box.” I am excited, because I want to go back to the days like my first diary entries, where every other word is misspelled or incorrect grammar. But the joy of just writing was evident.

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