Tag Archives: seeing past limitations

Limitless

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Yesterday didn’t quite seem like the first day of Winter. Of course I was not going to complain…warmer temperatures, a little humidity and rain was a bit refreshing for me personally, as I could actually walk on my own in the outdoors. I probably am quite alone in this excitement, but I am also truthfully a little sad that for Christmas we may be seeing green grass instead of a blanket of white. Guess it just goes to show that, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I find the weather pattern here to not follow a pattern, so you never know what we will expect this week for the holiday anyway.

Yesterday’s less-winter-like weather didn’t stop us from enjoying the Nutcracker ballet performance in Dayton. Even though I could not hear the music, I was surprised at how much of the music I remembered and also how good the timing of music in my head was to the dancers onstage! (Ok, just had to have the boasting moment. 🙂 ) It was a memorable performance.

It really didn’t start at the Nutcracker, but the past few days my balance has been the worst yet. I think a main reason for yesterday was due to only being able to get a few hours of sleep the night before, so my body was exhausted. I have also struggled again with my bowels, so that may also play a part…the tumor pressure in the lower spine…the increase numbness in my left foot, resulting in a pained ankle and swelling. There are many things. By the time I am getting ready for bed last night, I have already forgotten about the fun of the day–the time I got to spend with my family, the magical performance of dancers, the chance to be out enjoying life.

I used to be a morning person…before my body got old. Before my body slowed, making any hurried situation a nightmare. I despise being rushed or racing time. I never win. This morning getting ready for church was like this. I could have been on time…if getting down into the garage didn’t mean coming right back up to use the bathroom; if getting outside in the wind didn’t interfere with my balance and the fact that I couldn’t get the side door to lock; if putting my walker in my car didn’t mean causing my finger to bleed or using all my arm strength. I slammed the door as I finished putting the walker in the back seat, balanced myself in the wind and let the tears flow. Everything in me wanted to turn right back around and just stay home.

But I got in the driver’s seat. Something in my mind just told me to press on…and church was amazing. I returned home right after church ended and finished the coffee that was still warm in the coffeepot. With the family still at their church service, I got a chance to have some alone time reading and doing some thinking. I read a newsletter from my friend. Her Christmas thoughts are taken from the experiences in her Denver neighborhood. I know the neighborhood; I had grown to love the kids and families there as I volunteered weekly with my friend’s ministry the five years I lived in Lakewood. The kids still send me get well cards–I cherish them.

My friend’s letter focused on Hope. We miss so much in life, because we see limits-even putting limits on God in all that He is, all He provides, all He promises. But God has no limits. He is limitless. I sat and pondered this. Lately my prayers have been mere few words, my frustrations in body leaving me with doubts for my future and what I will become..how it will affect my family. I have tried to ignore it, but I can’t ignore it for much longer. I can’t plan my future, but I don’t want to be unwise about it either.

Why is it hard to fully trust in the Limitless nature of God? For me, it means letting go of all I imagine or want for myself. And I guess that scares me. But it shouldn’t. Why would a Limitless God desire me to give myself fully to him, if He didn’t have a greater picture in mind? And so I seek that faith…that trust…that Hope.

Michelle Tumes, “Dream.”

Chorus: There’s a dream in your heart and His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you the dream

2nd verse: I pray your dream will leap beyond you expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high

Faith in the power to believe, He has given you a dream…

 

 

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Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Family Times

Honest thoughts.

Praise Him for the unexpected and the unlikely, for the daily and the difficult. The more you count, the more gifts you will see.

~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

My initial blog intentions for today’s post was to write a “follow-up” from my last post about painting. I was going to write why I love painting versus writing with a pen or even typing…leading into the new struggles with my physical conditions in my hands. I have a few blog posts that I have been putting off for a few weeks now, because I was a bit upset by a comment I received about my blog posts. In a way, the comment made me think of my writings…as a form of “checks and balances” to see if what they were saying about my blog were true; but it left me with more wounded thoughts than anything else. I don’t even think it wounded my pride. It just hurt.

There are times when writing a blog about your physical conditons is emotionally difficult. Ok, maybe not–“at times”–it is hard to write about my physical conditions. I desire to be honest about what I experience and try to relate to the readers the best I can what I live with everyday. I cannot write all details or even describe fully how my days are filled, because some are just inappropriate to write about for a blog and others are just unexplainable. I even have a hard time describing different pains to my doctors. I have to get creative–if you will–to describe something. Like this new obnoxious ringing in my ears. I finally started describing to my family what the different simutaniously ringing noises sounded like by describing them in terms of instruments and rhythms. Then the annoyance seemed more light-hearted and I laughed at a few that I described.

So this morning as I started to think of how to start writing these posts of “updates” on my physical health, my thoughts took a turn when I read Ann Voskamp’s quote; then I finished reading my friend’s non-profit blog about their trip to Rio, the work they did there and the people they grew to love; then I read a bit of updates on what Bethany Hamilton is doing in Morocco and that Nick Vujicic has a new devotional book out (his first book, Life without Limits, is an inspiring read; I recommend it!) I started to think about my looming blog entry I had not even started yet and decided, “Today I am not going to write about my physical conditons…my limitations. Today I am going to count my blessings.”

I think it is easier to count your trials more than your blessings. Indeed, our trials can be our blessings should we choose to persevere through them. I still desire to write about my life with NF2. Afterall, it is the biggest aspect of my life in every way. As I ate lunch with my dad on Friday, I said, “My life would be boring without it.” I try not to focus on the negative aspects, but I am human and in all honesty…there are days when persevering takes all the effort of my energy. There are some days that I do not feel like counting my blessings and just mope around the house. But today is not that day. As I finish my Matcha Madness Green tea and step out from my favorite coffee shop back into the daily routines in life, I am a humbled. God continues to show me that yes, I go through rare physical conditons that leave me with accumulating limitations, but He is greater than my limitations. He shows me through others who have persevered through their own physical limitations that God can still use me right where I am. And for that, I truly can count my blessings.

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Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies, Paintings, Random