Tag Archives: blessings

May 21, 2014 · 9:50 pm

Everything I Am Not

In season three of The Andy Griffith Show, there is an episode titled, “The Great Filling Station Robbery.” In the beginning of the show, we find Deputy Fife (as usual) trying to bring the Mayberry jail to more modern terms with technology, though it is not needed. As the episode progresses, the Filling Station has a theft problem. A troubled teen named Jimmy had just been given a job there to assist Gomer in the pile-up of cars needing to be fixed while the owner, Wally, is away. Because of his troubled past record, Jimmy is blamed for the robbery. Andy takes the calm road and waits for the next evening to see what happens; Barney, of course, sets a flawed attempt of greatness to catch the crime in action and jumps to conclusions. At the end, it is Jimmy’s knowledge in modern technology that catches the true criminal in action, proving that he was not what everyone thought he was to be.

Although Deputy Barney Fife didn’t do anything to solve the robbery, the ending minutes can make you giggle when Barney calls his gal, Juanita, at the diner. In typical Barney-ego seriousness, he recites a poem:

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Juanita, Juanita…lovely, dear Juanit

From your head down to your feet,

There’s nothing half so sweet–

As Juanita, Juanita…lovely, dear Juanit.

Oh, there are things of wonder of which men like to sing.

There are pretty sunsets and birds upon the wing.

But of all the joys of nature, none truly can compare

with Juanita, Juanita…she of beauty beyond compare.

Although I don’t recite poems comparing a sweetheart to the joys in nature, I have found myself lately in a state of comparison, usually in physical terms only. I can compare myself to others placing myself above them (judgmental) or placing myself below them (insecurity). Yesterday, I did both.

Being disabled, it is easy to find yourself in this position. I wonder if any other disabled individuals can also agree to this, but personally, I find myself comparing my physical and mental state towards other disabled individuals. There is always the persons that are far worse off than yourself; sympathetic thoughts towards that individual mingle with your own thoughts of gratitude…”I’m glad that’s not me.” And it is wrong.

On the other spectrum, there are those who you may consider not as bad as what you endure, so you place yourself above them in judgement. This is my downfall. In comparing myself to others in this way, it makes my own pains seem not as heavy. And it is not so much a condemning judgement, as it is maybe more self-pity; a “I can no longer do these things, but you can…” But even this thinking is wrong.

Comparing myself to anything other than what God holds true in my life can only be “half so sweet…” and I miss the purest blessings of reaching out to those around me.

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April 17, 2013 · 10:35 pm

Trying my take at the Blame Game

I just recopied off a page for my volunteer application…for the third time. Getting a bit annoyed, I am thinking–“Why can’t I just hold the pen and write legibly?” Even writing slow, my handwriting struggles. I could try to blame the lines; I am not one to buy a college ruled notebook. I prefer sticky-notes, letting my handwriting fill the whole square. I could try to blame the pen. But it is a Pilot pen…it writes so smoothly. I could try to blame my hands. Seems most probable, except that I would be blaming God for the condition of my hands. My cramping, curling, numb, weak, slow, shaky hands.

I saw a turtle crossing the road today on my drive home. No joke. I was just as shocked as you are! It did not seem in any hurry to get from one side to another either. Just a stroll across the lane! I tell my mom about the turtle when I get home. “Did it make it across okay?” Her first comment after my story. I said that I figured so…there were no cars in the left lane where it was slowly crossing. I know turtles don’t have thoughts like this–but what if they did? What if they sat down and wrote a blog about how slow they walked–how annoying or inconvenient it feels. Or would they share about how special they are–they may not be fast, but they have a hard shell where they can completely disappear on moments notice of harm. It was designed just for them.

I could sit here and play the blame game. But I ask myself, is it worth the effort? Or can I see uniqueness in these hands…the blessings that I can still use my hands even though they give me challenges continually during the day? It might take some hard thinking…but one blessing comes to mind: I can still paint. God designed that just for me…and I love sharing the blessings with you.

More to come…

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April 3, 2013 · 12:45 pm

Honest thoughts.

Praise Him for the unexpected and the unlikely, for the daily and the difficult. The more you count, the more gifts you will see.

~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts.

My initial blog intentions for today’s post was to write a “follow-up” from my last post about painting. I was going to write why I love painting versus writing with a pen or even typing…leading into the new struggles with my physical conditions in my hands. I have a few blog posts that I have been putting off for a few weeks now, because I was a bit upset by a comment I received about my blog posts. In a way, the comment made me think of my writings…as a form of “checks and balances” to see if what they were saying about my blog were true; but it left me with more wounded thoughts than anything else. I don’t even think it wounded my pride. It just hurt.

There are times when writing a blog about your physical conditons is emotionally difficult. Ok, maybe not–“at times”–it is hard to write about my physical conditions. I desire to be honest about what I experience and try to relate to the readers the best I can what I live with everyday. I cannot write all details or even describe fully how my days are filled, because some are just inappropriate to write about for a blog and others are just unexplainable. I even have a hard time describing different pains to my doctors. I have to get creative–if you will–to describe something. Like this new obnoxious ringing in my ears. I finally started describing to my family what the different simutaniously ringing noises sounded like by describing them in terms of instruments and rhythms. Then the annoyance seemed more light-hearted and I laughed at a few that I described.

So this morning as I started to think of how to start writing these posts of “updates” on my physical health, my thoughts took a turn when I read Ann Voskamp’s quote; then I finished reading my friend’s non-profit blog about their trip to Rio, the work they did there and the people they grew to love; then I read a bit of updates on what Bethany Hamilton is doing in Morocco and that Nick Vujicic has a new devotional book out (his first book, Life without Limits, is an inspiring read; I recommend it!) I started to think about my looming blog entry I had not even started yet and decided, “Today I am not going to write about my physical conditons…my limitations. Today I am going to count my blessings.”

I think it is easier to count your trials more than your blessings. Indeed, our trials can be our blessings should we choose to persevere through them. I still desire to write about my life with NF2. Afterall, it is the biggest aspect of my life in every way. As I ate lunch with my dad on Friday, I said, “My life would be boring without it.” I try not to focus on the negative aspects, but I am human and in all honesty…there are days when persevering takes all the effort of my energy. There are some days that I do not feel like counting my blessings and just mope around the house. But today is not that day. As I finish my Matcha Madness Green tea and step out from my favorite coffee shop back into the daily routines in life, I am a humbled. God continues to show me that yes, I go through rare physical conditons that leave me with accumulating limitations, but He is greater than my limitations. He shows me through others who have persevered through their own physical limitations that God can still use me right where I am. And for that, I truly can count my blessings.

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