Today my parents and I went to the production of War Horse at the Schuster Performing Arts Center in Dayton. It was a phenomenal performance! Unlike most plays that pause in between different sections for changes in scenes or the props, everything today flowed in motion just like turning pages in a book. Speaking of the book, I have not read it (War Horse by Michael M0rpurgo)–nor have I seen the movie that DreamWorks produced in 2011; so I was a little confused in the second half but am very thankful for the change in seating arrangements they offered when we first arrived, so I could be close to the interpreters. It was a sad, but loving story (always best when based off true events). I can now put the book on my “to read” list, but seeing the play was amazing.
This week, all the “scenes” of the days seemed to flow together. Not a bad thing, just got a tiny overwhelming when you add the normal daily life events to tumbling health factors. The week started pretty typical: who doesn’t have insane schedules these days? I had a few important things this week: my driving test was the first. The PT gave me her clearance but wishes to see me again in six months. It was not until Thursday that I got clearance from my rehabilitation doctor at Children’s. I celebrated by going to Beans-n-Cream for a chai and some reading. I felt a bit social awkward, being out by myself for the first time and having to use my cane for balance, but I still enjoyed being out and back in my favorite coffee-house!
The most important thing was my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. It was the end of month four of Sirolimus chemo treatments; the start of month five. Although there are no changes for right now as far as what I have been doing in treatments, I still discussed the physical changes that happened in my body over the WI weekend with my doctor.
On the way to WI, something in my body snapped and I got intense pressure (even more so) on my spine, which causes a list of new areas affected or the areas, such as my feet, to worsen. Simultaneously, I have had an increase of stiffness and numbness in my right arm. Over the weekend, I was hoping it was temporary…also because I was chilled all weekend, I thought maybe being back home in warmer air (which never happened, as this week our weather chilled to “winter weather”) and my own bed might release some of this new symptom. I am getting to a point where I need to stop going to bed hoping that tomorrow will bring a ray of release from it all, because it doesn’t happen that way (the way I want)–I only see it to be getting more unstable and on the downward slope.
I really was doing pretty well for the most part this week; I was not until Thursday evening that the pressure in my lower spine increased more…occasionally hitting the tailbone; Best way I can describe the feeling is like coming down on your tailbone while snowboarding. Yesterday was when it started to be obvious that it was affecting my balance more in the evening as I was taking smaller steps in precaution. I don’t want to fall. This morning, I just went ahead and used my cane; and now the walker.
To be honest, I didn’t write this post the past few days because I haven’t even had a chance to grasp it all; I can’t write on this blog (though I try my hardest) about all this in a way for you to understand. I don’t even understand, nor my parents or family that sees it direct and experiences the changes with me–just not physically. These past few days I really have just been a wreck–at least emotionally. And yet I don’t even know what emotions I am really having, because it resembles the production we saw today–all flowing together. And so right now, I am struggling. And that is about as honest as I can be…