Monthly Archives: December 2013

December 31, 2013 · 7:19 pm

Until the New Year

Typical middle school years are normally the worst for most people, but for myself, it was the best three years. I enjoyed all my classes, excelled playing my flute in band, secured amazing friends (a few I still keep in contact with to this day), blossomed from buck teeth and huge glasses to fancy braces and better shaped lenses, let my hair grow long and curled it every morning (yes…days of self-discipline!) and got involved with a few “behind the scene” jobs for Student Council during my eighth grade year since I was a library aid and often had the time to help. (Yes, LIBRARY AID! And I gave good book recommendations!) 🙂

It was in my eighth grade year that I took Algebra I. Besides English class after lunch–no one could make diagramming sentences or Sherlock Holmes more interesting than Mr. Peoples–Algebra was my favorite class! It made sense…your equations had to balance. Simple. Then freshman year of high school I took Geometry. What a nightmare; I have never been a shapes and dimension person, although I thrived in Algebra II/Trigonometry. Maybe I am just odd, but none-the-less, first year Algebra was the best.

Our teacher, Mrs. Elderidge, sat next to her over-head projector and faced the class when she began to teach or helped us work out our homework questions. I had only just failed one hearing test, so hearing loss was not a huge issue at the time, but this set up in a classroom is ideal for deaf people! I only had a handful of teachers in high school who taught the same–I really probably should have started interpreters for my classes even then.

Teachers can have a great sense of humor. I heard this comment a few times in high school, but it was Mrs. Elderidge who said it first in my memory. Scenario: Last day of school before Christmas break and everyone (students) is anxious to go home and enjoy days of sleeping in, skiing, and no homework. I don’t even know how teachers got their classrooms to concentrate! Anyway, we are in Algebra class and had just finished grading our previous day’s assignments, then start to load our backpacks. Mrs. Elderidge, in ever-cheerful spirits, pipes in, “Good job, everyone! No more homework for the rest of the year!” Our class gives a “Yay” with clapping hands, totally forgetting the obvious fact that we would be returning to school on January 3rd. Mrs. Elderidge brought us back to reality and then the dismissal bell rings.

After our relatives left this morning, I started scrambling around to see how much I could finish before the end of the day…something with the non-stop reminder from the world that it will be a last day of 2013, tomorrow is starting over–the time factor, the ticking clock. “It’s the end of the year, I have to finish everything and start new!” was the first mind-set…then I scratched all those plans and just acted as if it were a typical day. I think I accomplished more in doing so, but there was moment where I thought of eighth grade Algebra: I paid an online bill–“Yay! No more bills for the rest of the year!” I had a little laugh in memory of being brought back to reality.

Tomorrow is a new day of a new year, but that fact will not stop life from being lived in the moment just as we are at this present time. I think the season of the new year is special, because it gives us a chance to reflect back on the year past–the blessings and the hardships, the old friends and new friends, the expected and the un-expected.

Thank you for being part of my journey.

Happy New Year!

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December 29, 2013 · 11:58 pm

I feel Blue

And I look blue too–at least before I scrubbed my hands, washed my paintbrushes and changed my sweatpants; I had blue paint all over them as well. I wasn’t trying to be messy, but it seems the darker the paint color, the more prone you are to dropping the paintbrush or accidentally rubbing against the table where the paint is wet from the outer-border edges or my favorite: opening a tube of paint and have a huge blob splatter on your hands (I don’t bother with fingernail polish much anymore). And a painter’s secret–Never open a tube of paint over your canvas. You’re just asking for trouble. 😉

Tonight I was finishing the bottom portion of a sky/sea painting for my uncle. I selected my shades of blue hues, a few greens, such as a sea-green and teal, and a silver shade for the finishing touches. I sat down to sort of think about what brushes to use and stroke styles. My mind wanders and I just ended with having a good cry. It was a bit of pity for myself (hence, “I feel blue,” as in the downward emotional state) mixed with a bit of anger, and denial. Yep, that is me at the moment. The year wasn’t supposed to end this way, but it did…and is.

I was doing just fine. I know my body has changed even since ending chemo in November. I know I need to sit down and be serious in thought about important decisions…about changes that could be in my future where I will need more help in daily living. I know I need to talk more with my parents and siblings about such things, but don’t know how..I don’t have the words or the thoughts. Can’t we all just ignore it? Since November’s end of chemo and all doctor appointments, I have been able to breathe–no pressure to think about health at all times or record it like I did during chemo. There were hard days certainly, but to not think about the next MRI or certain doctors I will have to see and the questions they will ask was rewarding. I still want to say that in my decisions that I have lived with no regrets.

Ending the year of 2013 could not be better: From a relaxing Christmas with the family to having relatives visit on their travels, I anticipate the New Year Day as my sister and brother-in-law visit from Colorado for a week! 🙂 But my excitement got short-lived as they sent me the papers for my next MRI and doctor appointment dates. The reminder that my days of living in denial are closing in has made me angry; last night I was so upset I wanted to throw up or scream. I just cried myself to sleep instead. It kept coming back to time: “You have one more month of freedom.”

In my head, I start to hear the questions I know I will be asked and I start to give my answers. And that is where I feel blue…because I know my body has changed; I live in it–I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know my balance continues to worsen and my hearing is in its final stages. What I tell my doctors, what my parents tell my doctors and my MRI scans are considered “me” and that makes me frustrated, because I want doctors to see past the little finger, arm and leg strength tests and see me. I want them to see me and how I try my hardest opening things before asking for help, putting my walker in my car, doing laundry or painting. I guess my fear is having decisions made for me, as in the past. And I grow discontent with my body. I just want to tell it to stop changing, but I can’t control those decisions either.

This mornings sermon was from I Timothy 6:6-11:

But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. (verses 6-8).

Contentment doesn’t pertain only to material possessions (although that was mostly what was discussed.) We also read from Matthew 6:25-34, in which we are reminded not to be anxious, because God knows exactly what we need and will provide. Normally when I read these passages, I stay on the material possessions path, but today, Pastor Joe also started discussing health; It caught my attention. He read a passage from the book of Job and made a point that we can also be content with our bodies, no matter the changes–God is in control. You would think after a sermon like this that I would have a different frame of mind, but it is going to take a lot of prayer to return to that place…where I am content, where I fully trust God with my health, where I live fully with no regrets.

When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing’s done
And the whole world seems against me
When I’m rolling in my bed, there’s a storm in my head
I’m afraid of sinking in despair.

CHORUS:

Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what you’re bringing me will
Change my life and bring you glory

There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, you are the calmer of the storm.

Downhere.”Calmer of the Storm.” 2001.

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December 22, 2013 · 9:27 pm

Limitless

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Yesterday didn’t quite seem like the first day of Winter. Of course I was not going to complain…warmer temperatures, a little humidity and rain was a bit refreshing for me personally, as I could actually walk on my own in the outdoors. I probably am quite alone in this excitement, but I am also truthfully a little sad that for Christmas we may be seeing green grass instead of a blanket of white. Guess it just goes to show that, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I find the weather pattern here to not follow a pattern, so you never know what we will expect this week for the holiday anyway.

Yesterday’s less-winter-like weather didn’t stop us from enjoying the Nutcracker ballet performance in Dayton. Even though I could not hear the music, I was surprised at how much of the music I remembered and also how good the timing of music in my head was to the dancers onstage! (Ok, just had to have the boasting moment. 🙂 ) It was a memorable performance.

It really didn’t start at the Nutcracker, but the past few days my balance has been the worst yet. I think a main reason for yesterday was due to only being able to get a few hours of sleep the night before, so my body was exhausted. I have also struggled again with my bowels, so that may also play a part…the tumor pressure in the lower spine…the increase numbness in my left foot, resulting in a pained ankle and swelling. There are many things. By the time I am getting ready for bed last night, I have already forgotten about the fun of the day–the time I got to spend with my family, the magical performance of dancers, the chance to be out enjoying life.

I used to be a morning person…before my body got old. Before my body slowed, making any hurried situation a nightmare. I despise being rushed or racing time. I never win. This morning getting ready for church was like this. I could have been on time…if getting down into the garage didn’t mean coming right back up to use the bathroom; if getting outside in the wind didn’t interfere with my balance and the fact that I couldn’t get the side door to lock; if putting my walker in my car didn’t mean causing my finger to bleed or using all my arm strength. I slammed the door as I finished putting the walker in the back seat, balanced myself in the wind and let the tears flow. Everything in me wanted to turn right back around and just stay home.

But I got in the driver’s seat. Something in my mind just told me to press on…and church was amazing. I returned home right after church ended and finished the coffee that was still warm in the coffeepot. With the family still at their church service, I got a chance to have some alone time reading and doing some thinking. I read a newsletter from my friend. Her Christmas thoughts are taken from the experiences in her Denver neighborhood. I know the neighborhood; I had grown to love the kids and families there as I volunteered weekly with my friend’s ministry the five years I lived in Lakewood. The kids still send me get well cards–I cherish them.

My friend’s letter focused on Hope. We miss so much in life, because we see limits-even putting limits on God in all that He is, all He provides, all He promises. But God has no limits. He is limitless. I sat and pondered this. Lately my prayers have been mere few words, my frustrations in body leaving me with doubts for my future and what I will become..how it will affect my family. I have tried to ignore it, but I can’t ignore it for much longer. I can’t plan my future, but I don’t want to be unwise about it either.

Why is it hard to fully trust in the Limitless nature of God? For me, it means letting go of all I imagine or want for myself. And I guess that scares me. But it shouldn’t. Why would a Limitless God desire me to give myself fully to him, if He didn’t have a greater picture in mind? And so I seek that faith…that trust…that Hope.

Michelle Tumes, “Dream.”

Chorus: There’s a dream in your heart and His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you the dream

2nd verse: I pray your dream will leap beyond you expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high

Faith in the power to believe, He has given you a dream…

 

 

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December 20, 2013 · 11:02 pm

Christmas Melodies

Every-so-often, I find it enjoyable to sit at breakfast and instead of my typical readings, I flip through my Mom’s hymnal. Last week was no exception, as I wanted to read the Christmas songs.

I guess for Christmas hymns especially, since we only sing them one season of the year, I got to thinking that we miss a core part of the message when we don’t sing all the verses. It is very typical just to sing the first and last verses, along with the chorus. Likewise, there are so many melodies of Christmas that go unnoticed–carols we don’t typically sing that also share so much meaning in light of the Christmas Spirit.

As Christmas Day continues to approach, rejoice in life with the melodies of the season!

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

‘Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those with whom he is pleased!’

Luke 2:13-14 ESV

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December 16, 2013 · 11:23 pm

In all things…

This is what I wish my attitude resembled towards this year’s winter weather: “I like snow! It is pretty and this morning I woke up early to yet more fluttering flakes dropping from the sky. Snow makes the earth cheerful and bright. Almost makes me want to sing Irving Berlin’s song, ‘Snow’ as performed in the classic movie White Christmas.”

Sounds pretty enthusiastic, doesn’t it? Well, allow me to show you my honest feelings towards winter this year:

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Yep. This is just about it.

I have been grumpy towards this winter. The weather makes me even more dependent: In reality, it is not all the weather–it’s me…my health. The weather doesn’t help it any and the conditions surrounding daily activities, but I need something to blame. So, I have chosen the weather.

I get stuck in my winter jacket and can’t get my seatbelt on because of that fact. I blurt out, “NOT A FAN!!” And feel more like a little kid because someone buckles it for me. Maybe that is why this winter is bugging me. The more my health declines, the more I physically feel old yet like a live like a child. I struggle putting on my socks and boots; I can’t zip my winter jacket; I was only able to get out on my own once last week for an errand to Wal Mart, because most of the snow and ice had melted from the parking lots. The next day, it snowed again. Basically, I can’t go outside on my own. I can, but even with my walker, it is just difficult. Not to mention, a little dangerous with the ice. I fear falling.

There it is: winter is like fear. I think it’s the darkness…which is why I like Christmas lights. Light penetrates the darkness. Light brings joy.

Yesterday at church, the message was from James 1:2-4:

Count it all joy, my brothers,  when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

“Trials of various kinds”–I seem to be feeling the weight of these words this winter. And I have tried to remain in Joy. It’s hard. In those moments of trying to live on my own, I find that my own joy is not equivalent to God’s Joy. At Christmas, we celebrate and remember the joy of a Savior born. Jesus, his life and death and resurrection, conquered fear and death. If it is conquered, then why do I fear the road ahead? Uncertainty is darkness…but being certain of my future in God’s hands is light. And although it doesn’t make my current physical living conditions any easier, I can depend on God like a child. I am His child. And I can find Joy in all things…

May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Colossians 1:11-14

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December 12, 2013 · 8:56 pm

Mel’s Twelve Memories of Christmas

Today is December 12th. It is not a significant date for me personally, but it does remind me of the song, “The 12 Days of Christmas.” I am sure you all have heard this melody. One of my favorite versions of this song is actually an ice skating performance by Olympic medalist, Scott Hamilton. I was obviously too young to remember watching this on television, but Mom taped to VHS the 1990 Disney’s Christmas on Ice performance that year. We watched it probably every year growing up, as ice skating was a something our family enjoyed…not only watching during the Winter Olympics, but also trying our own talents on the frozen pond out in the field. Let’s just say, I never landed that “Double Triple Axel.” 😉

Pulling out the Christmas DVDs and VHS tapes last week, I found this recording. Exciting! Even better is that captions played too. I was shocked! In watching some of the performances, I got to travelling down memory lane and complied some of my favorite Christmas memories:

12. Caroling: Whether it was with the youth group (the van rides were memories in themselves), my family (we sang at the nursing home), or friends in Denver (we went around the neighborhood, to the fire station, and then sang at the town square by the lighted tree in Arvada)–singing carols and giving baskets of fruit was something I always looked forward to each year.

11. Family ski trips at Wolf Creek: It’s true–

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10. Handel’s Messiah: Last December, we attended a performance at the Westminster Presbyterian Church in Dayton. It was just the orchestra and the four soloists: a soprano, mezzo-soprano, tenor and baritone. Beautiful. If you’ve never listened to the entire oratorio, I recommend it.

9. Coming home for Christmas breaks in college and on Christmas Eve (post-grad): The song, “I’ll be Home for Christmas” took somewhat a literal meaning.

8. Calling the grandparents: It was really sad when my hearing no longer permitted me to talk to my grandparents at the same time as my family. (I had to call separate using the internet captel.) But that won’t be the case this year!!

7. I am not sure where the tradition started, but after the Christmas Eve service, we drove around town to see Christmas lights, then came home to watch Jim Henson’s Muppet Christmas Carol. When it finished, we sang Christmas carols by the lighted tree.

6. The gingerbread candle family: When I was about 7 or 8, Mom purchased a candle making kit and we made gingerbread candles for Christmas. (You would not believe how many years the gingerbread scent lasted!) Since there were four of us sisters, we each took a different mold structure and when they were set as candles, we painted them. Best part is that Mom still has the candles and sets them out each year.

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Guess which one is mine–

5. Christmastime by Michael W. Smith: It was the most anticipated album of the season!

4. Community performance of the Nutcracker held at Adams State College: It took place every other year and was always very well done! The youngest ballerinas in training made the cutest mice…how could the Mouse King be intimidating after being associated with them?

3. Decorating my room with Marcia: Sharing a room meant sharing the fun in decorating for the holiday. When we finished, we liked to fall asleep with the Christmas lights twinkling throughout the room.

2. Dad’s French toast: Christmas brunch! Bonus, we got “cutie”-sized oranges in our stockings.

1. “The Little Drummer Boy,” Whiteheart version: 1993. Pure rock, drums…best ever.

What are some of your favorite Christmas traditions or memories?

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December 12, 2013 · 1:14 pm

More Paintings

Hi everyone!

I just finished posting more paintings to my Etsy shop. Below is the link. 🙂

http://www.etsy.com/shop/BrushstrokesbyMel

More to come…

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December 8, 2013 · 6:13 pm

A Christmas without Disappointment

Needless to say, last night I was a bit disappointed. Although I was pretty excited to wear my new mustard yellow fuzzy-knitted winter hat! But I am not so certain it was worth the long haul of pushing my walker on slushed-iced sidewalks in 20 degree weather. I take that back…yes, it was worth it for the memory–Oh, the memory!! But since it was dark and slushy-ice, I could not go into town on my own. Let me just say one thing: I have the coolest parents!

I have been looking forward to this weekend for quite sometime. The first weekend of December and it has been filled with Christmas cheer. Friday night we attended a concert at the university. I planned my outfit of a fancy red shirt, my green polka dot sweater and fun red earrings that resemble gift bows. The concert? The one and only Denver and the Mile High Orchestra. They are just about the jazziest, craziest modern horn band that will make you laugh and worship all in one evening. Believe me, my polka dots fit right in with the college campus fun!

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I first saw Denver and his band perform on my Make-a-Wish cruise my senior year of high school. The radio station, K-Love, was hosting the cruise that took place the first part of January 2005. It would sail from Las Angeles to Catalina Island, and to Ensenada, Mexico before returning to the states. K-Love had been a great source of music, encouragement and fun during my radiation days in Denver (the city.) Mom and I could laugh along with radio hosts–John and Sheri Rivers-during early, cold, rush-hour drives to the hospital; Mom could sing and stay awake on drives home while I slept; and once we attended a movie they were promoting for Third Day’s Come Together album. Jokingly, I put my name in the box for a chance to win concert tickets–guess whose name got drawn? 😉

When the conversation about my qualifying for a Wish first came about, it shouldn’t be a surprise then that I would choose the cruise: a week full of concerts by my favorite bands! I see now that it was God timed, because after my freshman year of college, my hearing started to decline. By junior year, I was using interpreters for chapels and classes. Although I could still hear music, I usually played it loud and started keeping to “oldies,” basically no more K-Love as they played songs that I didn’t know.

Like I’ve said, this year at Christmas is different without music. On Friday, it is not that I didn’t know the songs (minus one or two), it is that I didn’t hear them. Nothing. I knew this, and went anyway: the performance and atmosphere was the reason I went. From what I remember on the cruise to what I saw Friday night: the band hasn’t changed much. 🙂

So why the big disappointment last night? Maybe I was expecting too much considering the weather and cold. Or maybe it was remembering how fun last year’s Parade of Lights had been and I just assumed the same for this year (without taking my current physical state into any consideration.) The best part about the town’s Parade of Lights is that all the little shops are open; between Beans-n-Cream and Stoney Creek Roasters, you are bound to get in a free hot drink outside their doors; and just about all of town’s residents and college students flood the streets. It’s like a movie moment.

And there we all were–ready for the parade. You can always tell when a parade begins as you see police car lights flashing. Since we were standing on the “end” part of the parade route, I saw the flashing lights approach very slowly, but they finally came. The police car was suburban style and it was pulling a trailer on which Santa and Mrs. Clause were seated on a sleigh, pulled by two model reindeer. I waved as they passed and didn’t think much to the fact that they were followed by a regular police car, with flashing lights. I still am not registering the fact that after that police car there was a huge line of regular cars.

Mom looks at me, “That’s it.”

“THAT’S IT?”

Haha, yes. Disappointment.

The truth is, the Christmas season can be disappointing-could be the weather, not finding “the perfect gift” for your friend, or even something as silly as a one-float parade through a whole town of people. Santa may have been the beginning and end to our town’s parade, but Jesus is the beginning and end of everything. The same yesterday, today and forever (Hebrews 13:8)–in Him there is no disappointment.

I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end.

Revelation 22:13

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December 7, 2013 · 9:54 am

Jingle Bells [translated]

Dashing through the snow [Taking a brisk stroll]
In a one-horse open sleigh [Mel’s walker made the day]
O’er the fields we go [Down the street we roll]
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtail ring [Pushing Basho was exciting]
Making spirits bright [Passing cars saw quite the sight ]
What fun it is to ride and sing [But in doing all these things]
A sleighing song tonight! [It gives me a blog post entry to write!]

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(chorus)
Jingle bells, jingle bells, [Come on, Mel! Come on, Mel!]
Jingle all the way. [Work off all you ate on turkey day!]
Oh! what fun it is to ride [Family greatness you cannot hide]
In a one-horse open sleigh. [Is something I would say]
Jingle bells, jingle bells, [Click, click–taking pictures on a cell]
Jingle all the way; [It can turn out to be a deceptive display]
Oh! what fun it is to ride [So notice any strange appearance in Melissa’s stride]
In a one-horse open sleigh. [Rest assured she is okay] 😉

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December 5, 2013 · 10:37 pm

My own art museum on Etsy

Two weeks ago, I finally went to the Dayton Art Institute. I must admit that my favorite art museum is still the Denver Art Museum, but I found Dayton’s a nice tour. It almost reminded me of the museums in Greece, as there were many pieces of art that were more artifacts than traditional canvas. The tour represented a large amount of world cultures–many in which were new to me (as far as seeing the artwork). I did find the Japanese section interesting as they displayed Samurai armor and spears. It reminded me of our tour earlier this spring at the Biltmore Estate, as Mr. Vanderbilt owned an ancient Samurai armor and spear. Just fascinating.

My favorite section was the Colonial America section. The large oil canvas paintings were a marvel…so much detail and shading. One thing is for certain–I do not paint people. 🙂 Which is why I felt more at home in the 1970’s-modern art section. Walking through the last rooms of this section, I discuss with my friend and her husband how I should find someone to sponsor my paintings and donate them to the museum. Prideful moment, but I felt a few of my past abstract pieces were better than the ones displayed. 😉

I guess I don’t need museum access to display my art. I have a new avenue…

(drumroll if you please!)

Mel is on Etsy!!!

YES!!!! I know, exciting!! [I just ate chocolate in celebration] It should have been finished being set up about two months ago, and I apologize for that but it is finally here. Yay!

 https://www.etsy.com/shop/BrushstrokesbyMel

I have posted what I currently have in the basement. I will be adding a few of my 16″x20″ canvases by early next week. With the Christmas season around the corner, I hope to paint a few small holiday themed paintings this weekend…so be sure to check back next week if you are interested.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement about my paintings thus far; and for those few close friends for your consistent questioning on when my Etsy would be completed, as it finally fueled motivation to my lack-of motivation. 😀

If you visit the Etsy page, feel free to let me know what you think!

More to come…

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