Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.
Yesterday didn’t quite seem like the first day of Winter. Of course I was not going to complain…warmer temperatures, a little humidity and rain was a bit refreshing for me personally, as I could actually walk on my own in the outdoors. I probably am quite alone in this excitement, but I am also truthfully a little sad that for Christmas we may be seeing green grass instead of a blanket of white. Guess it just goes to show that, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I find the weather pattern here to not follow a pattern, so you never know what we will expect this week for the holiday anyway.
Yesterday’s less-winter-like weather didn’t stop us from enjoying the Nutcracker ballet performance in Dayton. Even though I could not hear the music, I was surprised at how much of the music I remembered and also how good the timing of music in my head was to the dancers onstage! (Ok, just had to have the boasting moment. 🙂 ) It was a memorable performance.
It really didn’t start at the Nutcracker, but the past few days my balance has been the worst yet. I think a main reason for yesterday was due to only being able to get a few hours of sleep the night before, so my body was exhausted. I have also struggled again with my bowels, so that may also play a part…the tumor pressure in the lower spine…the increase numbness in my left foot, resulting in a pained ankle and swelling. There are many things. By the time I am getting ready for bed last night, I have already forgotten about the fun of the day–the time I got to spend with my family, the magical performance of dancers, the chance to be out enjoying life.
I used to be a morning person…before my body got old. Before my body slowed, making any hurried situation a nightmare. I despise being rushed or racing time. I never win. This morning getting ready for church was like this. I could have been on time…if getting down into the garage didn’t mean coming right back up to use the bathroom; if getting outside in the wind didn’t interfere with my balance and the fact that I couldn’t get the side door to lock; if putting my walker in my car didn’t mean causing my finger to bleed or using all my arm strength. I slammed the door as I finished putting the walker in the back seat, balanced myself in the wind and let the tears flow. Everything in me wanted to turn right back around and just stay home.
But I got in the driver’s seat. Something in my mind just told me to press on…and church was amazing. I returned home right after church ended and finished the coffee that was still warm in the coffeepot. With the family still at their church service, I got a chance to have some alone time reading and doing some thinking. I read a newsletter from my friend. Her Christmas thoughts are taken from the experiences in her Denver neighborhood. I know the neighborhood; I had grown to love the kids and families there as I volunteered weekly with my friend’s ministry the five years I lived in Lakewood. The kids still send me get well cards–I cherish them.
My friend’s letter focused on Hope. We miss so much in life, because we see limits-even putting limits on God in all that He is, all He provides, all He promises. But God has no limits. He is limitless. I sat and pondered this. Lately my prayers have been mere few words, my frustrations in body leaving me with doubts for my future and what I will become..how it will affect my family. I have tried to ignore it, but I can’t ignore it for much longer. I can’t plan my future, but I don’t want to be unwise about it either.
Why is it hard to fully trust in the Limitless nature of God? For me, it means letting go of all I imagine or want for myself. And I guess that scares me. But it shouldn’t. Why would a Limitless God desire me to give myself fully to him, if He didn’t have a greater picture in mind? And so I seek that faith…that trust…that Hope.
Michelle Tumes, “Dream.”
Chorus: There’s a dream in your heart and His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you the dream
2nd verse: I pray your dream will leap beyond you expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high
Faith in the power to believe, He has given you a dream…