This is what I wish my attitude resembled towards this year’s winter weather: “I like snow! It is pretty and this morning I woke up early to yet more fluttering flakes dropping from the sky. Snow makes the earth cheerful and bright. Almost makes me want to sing Irving Berlin’s song, ‘Snow’ as performed in the classic movie White Christmas.”
Sounds pretty enthusiastic, doesn’t it? Well, allow me to show you my honest feelings towards winter this year:
kulfoto.com
Yep. This is just about it.
I have been grumpy towards this winter. The weather makes me even more dependent: In reality, it is not all the weather–it’s me…my health. The weather doesn’t help it any and the conditions surrounding daily activities, but I need something to blame. So, I have chosen the weather.
I get stuck in my winter jacket and can’t get my seatbelt on because of that fact. I blurt out, “NOT A FAN!!” And feel more like a little kid because someone buckles it for me. Maybe that is why this winter is bugging me. The more my health declines, the more I physically feel old yet like a live like a child. I struggle putting on my socks and boots; I can’t zip my winter jacket; I was only able to get out on my own once last week for an errand to Wal Mart, because most of the snow and ice had melted from the parking lots. The next day, it snowed again. Basically, I can’t go outside on my own. I can, but even with my walker, it is just difficult. Not to mention, a little dangerous with the ice. I fear falling.
There it is: winter is like fear. I think it’s the darkness…which is why I like Christmas lights. Light penetrates the darkness. Light brings joy.
Yesterday at church, the message was from James 1:2-4:
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
“Trials of various kinds”–I seem to be feeling the weight of these words this winter. And I have tried to remain in Joy. It’s hard. In those moments of trying to live on my own, I find that my own joy is not equivalent to God’s Joy. At Christmas, we celebrate and remember the joy of a Savior born. Jesus, his life and death and resurrection, conquered fear and death. If it is conquered, then why do I fear the road ahead? Uncertainty is darkness…but being certain of my future in God’s hands is light. And although it doesn’t make my current physical living conditions any easier, I can depend on God like a child. I am His child. And I can find Joy in all things…
May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:11-14
My Life with NF2 