Tag Archives: God’s plan for my life

March 24, 2014 · 7:43 pm

Everything

When I first started figuring out how my new Nook tablet works, I–very cautiously as not to outspend myself–enjoyed uploading a few books to my personal library. I also subscribed to a year’s reading of the magazine, Reader’s Digest, and accessed a few apps for more readings and entertainment.

It was while reading the latest edition of the Reader’s Digest that I came across a single picture page titled, “Faces of America,” by Glenn Glasser. The picture is of an artist, Joe Beene. I know nothing of Joe Beene except for what the picture reveals–he is quadriplegic.

In a sun-room style area, the yellow walls are brightly lit from the many windows and glass door on the left. The center focus of the picture, you see the artist at work. Joe is not just any artist…he is a painter. And in the picture, he is painting by mouth. The picture is a side view, so you cannot see the painting straight forward, but even from the side angle…one can see an extraordinary, vibrantly-colored painting!

There is no article, no details, no explanations. There is one question:

What was the darkest time of your life?

Joe Beene: When I had everything.

(Reader’s Digest. April 2014. page 33.)

And I sat thinking about this simple statement again as I finished my morning coffee–Could I say the same?

…

This is the time in your life when you must learn to let go: of loved ones, of possessions, of control. In order to let go of something that is precious to you, you need to rest in My Presence, where you are complete. Take time to bask in the Light of My Love. As you relax more and more, your grasping hand gradually opens up, releasing your prized possession into My care.

Young, Sarah. Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence. Nashville: (Thomas Nelson, 2004.) March 24 entry.

 

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January 9, 2014 · 11:59 pm

Mrs. Dash

In the classic Christmas song, “Rudolf, The Red-Nosed Reindeer,” the first of Santa’s reindeer mentioned is Dasher. You must be thinking, “Mel, we are past the holidays! It is a new year already!” That is exactly my point…the new year took off with a dash! 🙂 We kicked off the year by picking up my sister and brother-in-law from the airport…and with all family members and spouses present, we enjoyed a nice meal at the Spaghetti Warehouse in Dayton, then came home to celebrate Christmas.

Yep, January 1, 2014 was a fantastic day and the beginning of a week filled with fun! We played games, shared memories and had good laughs, took loads of pictures, drank almost all the hot chocolate in the cupboard, played more games, “owl family” late nights resulting in late mornings and breakfast times, and took a short road trip to the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY. 🙂

At the Creation Museum, there was a small room on the lower level called, “Dr. Crawley’s Insectorium.” Now, if you know me, I am not a bug, insect or spider sort of person. Snakes I can handle if they slither slowly, but insects…yuck! However, because we were there, I wanted to get the whole museum experience. Besides, these insects were dead, so what was the harm in viewing them? The first of the display boxes contained locust, crickets and katydids. The plaque described how they form “God’s choir,” as they make beautiful chirping noises when using their mating calls to attract females.

I thought a few things were interesting: a) A female of the three insect species listed has to listen and distinguish among the chirps which mating call is for her and then respond; b) Out of all bugs and insects, only these three are listed for their beautiful noise; and c) The plaque also mentioned reference to prophets in the Bible, one being John the Baptist, and their eating locust. I didn’t think much about the eating part until the end of the museum tour and day, in which Mom, my brother-in-law and myself, found ourselves finished a half hour before everyone else. With nothing else to see, we went to the bookstore to look around and wait.

My choice of two post cards placed me over at the cash register and after I paid, I see at the side the selection of chocolates (not having anything to do with the museum…just a treat!) and other candies. Of course, the suckers with bugs in them would not my choice of a tasty treat. Under the candies was a shelf that had little boxes of flavored locust, but I didn’t actually realize they were real locust until I picked up the sea salt flavor and read the cover. Tempted, I almost purchased the sour cream & onion flavor, but right when I decided “no” in my mind, the store closed and we left. So much for starting the year off in a bold fashion. 😉 It may have had too much salt anyway…

Right before the new year, Dad and I discussed my left ankle. It has been swollen for quite sometime. When I sit, I don’t always prop up my feet, which doesn’t help any, but the fact is that I needed to try something new. I already deal with osteoporosis and numbness (which I have no control over), but the swelling I could try to bring down. The simple word: salt. Oh how I just love salt! So being told, “No salt,” was a sad experience at first, because I literally thought I could not have any. I was reassured that I can still have salt. If you think about it, salt is unavoidable-it is in everything! It is not a diet or new year’s resolution, but my new restriction was simply that I just can’t add salt to my plate and must practice self-control.

The tumor on my 5th nerve affected my sense of smell, which affects your taste. It has to be a very strong flavor or scent in order for me to smell and/or taste it. Every so often, I will get a giant “smell-wave” for a split second and it literally will take me by surprise. If anyone is around, they hear about it! With tasting food it is different. The typical routine is usually putting on a lot of salt and pepper just for a taste. Without salt, foods like vegetables can be pretty bland. That is where Mom suggested the substitute, Mrs. Dash. It is salt free and has a bold flavor!

Limiting my salt seems to be rewarding, as I have noticed the swelling decreasing. The whole experience has also got me to thinking of my own life. I have been out of my typical morning routine, coffee and readings, which I see is starting to result in becoming a spiritual life that is bland. I still have salt–but like my food restriction, I am not adding any to my life–not seeking the boldness that God intends…and I feel no purpose. It is the new year, and I seem lost. Praise God–He is bigger than my fears, bigger than my failures, bigger than my future here on earth.

He is like Salt–Unavoidable; In Him, I have no need for restrictions.

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December 22, 2013 · 9:27 pm

Limitless

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Yesterday didn’t quite seem like the first day of Winter. Of course I was not going to complain…warmer temperatures, a little humidity and rain was a bit refreshing for me personally, as I could actually walk on my own in the outdoors. I probably am quite alone in this excitement, but I am also truthfully a little sad that for Christmas we may be seeing green grass instead of a blanket of white. Guess it just goes to show that, “The grass is always greener on the other side.” I find the weather pattern here to not follow a pattern, so you never know what we will expect this week for the holiday anyway.

Yesterday’s less-winter-like weather didn’t stop us from enjoying the Nutcracker ballet performance in Dayton. Even though I could not hear the music, I was surprised at how much of the music I remembered and also how good the timing of music in my head was to the dancers onstage! (Ok, just had to have the boasting moment. 🙂 ) It was a memorable performance.

It really didn’t start at the Nutcracker, but the past few days my balance has been the worst yet. I think a main reason for yesterday was due to only being able to get a few hours of sleep the night before, so my body was exhausted. I have also struggled again with my bowels, so that may also play a part…the tumor pressure in the lower spine…the increase numbness in my left foot, resulting in a pained ankle and swelling. There are many things. By the time I am getting ready for bed last night, I have already forgotten about the fun of the day–the time I got to spend with my family, the magical performance of dancers, the chance to be out enjoying life.

I used to be a morning person…before my body got old. Before my body slowed, making any hurried situation a nightmare. I despise being rushed or racing time. I never win. This morning getting ready for church was like this. I could have been on time…if getting down into the garage didn’t mean coming right back up to use the bathroom; if getting outside in the wind didn’t interfere with my balance and the fact that I couldn’t get the side door to lock; if putting my walker in my car didn’t mean causing my finger to bleed or using all my arm strength. I slammed the door as I finished putting the walker in the back seat, balanced myself in the wind and let the tears flow. Everything in me wanted to turn right back around and just stay home.

But I got in the driver’s seat. Something in my mind just told me to press on…and church was amazing. I returned home right after church ended and finished the coffee that was still warm in the coffeepot. With the family still at their church service, I got a chance to have some alone time reading and doing some thinking. I read a newsletter from my friend. Her Christmas thoughts are taken from the experiences in her Denver neighborhood. I know the neighborhood; I had grown to love the kids and families there as I volunteered weekly with my friend’s ministry the five years I lived in Lakewood. The kids still send me get well cards–I cherish them.

My friend’s letter focused on Hope. We miss so much in life, because we see limits-even putting limits on God in all that He is, all He provides, all He promises. But God has no limits. He is limitless. I sat and pondered this. Lately my prayers have been mere few words, my frustrations in body leaving me with doubts for my future and what I will become..how it will affect my family. I have tried to ignore it, but I can’t ignore it for much longer. I can’t plan my future, but I don’t want to be unwise about it either.

Why is it hard to fully trust in the Limitless nature of God? For me, it means letting go of all I imagine or want for myself. And I guess that scares me. But it shouldn’t. Why would a Limitless God desire me to give myself fully to him, if He didn’t have a greater picture in mind? And so I seek that faith…that trust…that Hope.

Michelle Tumes, “Dream.”

Chorus: There’s a dream in your heart and His heart is your prayer
You can move mountains with your life in His hands
He’ll tear down the walls and He’ll walk where you can’t
Have faith in the power to believe
He’s given you the dream

2nd verse: I pray your dream will leap beyond you expectations
You’ll see miracles He has no limitations
Listen to His voice a spark will ignite
Let Him be the strength to carry your life
He’ll raise your spirit high

Faith in the power to believe, He has given you a dream…

 

 

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July 4, 2013 · 11:58 pm

“Writing Letters on the Veranda”

I like to write. Anything from handwritten cards, typing emails, thoughts in a journal or “to do” lists, taking notes during church or blog entries–writing is something I enjoy. I was the odd student that celebrated when term finals was a twenty page research paper or when essays on tests were a major percentage of the grade. When writing I get to think. It is a conversation on paper.

I think writing flows in my blood. My mom is a role model for what I love in writing. I watch her journal at the kitchen table and admire how she is not just writing but adding color and imagery to the text. Every month she writes cards for all the occasions–birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, get well, sympathy, thank you, thinking of you–to all members of the family, extended family, or close friends. And Mom has the prettiest handwriting.

Yesterday was my writing day. I had momentum. First agenda: I finished all my drafts in my email inbox, much to my hand’s delight. I should have paced myself, because by the time I reached Stoney Creek Roasters for an afternoon tea to accompany finishing some snail mail, my right hand was about ready to call it a day.

But it was worth it. It may not have been a “veranda”, but I was able to sit by the window and look out at the luscious greenery by the creek and write.

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My right hand has become very numb. There are things that are getting more difficult to do and holding a pen firm to write is one of them (sometimes just holding a pen in general depending on size). Last fall, we purchased this tool to help me hold a pen and write. At the time I did not essentially need it so I kept it in the cup of other pens on my nightstand. About a month ago, I reorganized my room including the nightstand corner. I was switching the cup to an old souvenir mug and remember taking this pen holder out because it was too big. Last I remember is setting it on my bed with a few books before I put it somewhere I reasoned to be a good spot for later use. And I don’t recall where that spot is. Thus, at the time I need it most, it is lost.

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Probably a combination of my perfectionism with the sloppy handwriting, my “to do” lists or sometimes letters are sent to the trash can as I start over trying to write with more legibility. Last night, my hands were tired but on my way to bed I knew if I did not write down that I needed more orange juice for taking chemo doses that I would forget. I still forgot what it was when I looked at my sticky note this morning. I stood there like I was reading a riddle…”small..”‘–ok, what did I need that was small? It took me a few minutes but then I remembered what it was that was so scribbled. Small OJ. I threw the sticky note in the trash and wrote a different one.

Life can be like a scribbled sticky note of agendas. In trying to write out my story so perfectly of agendas, I see myself crumple the paper and restart the whole process over again…each time attempting to grasp the pen I write with just a little tighter. But my hands grow weak and I have to let go of the pen. It is only when I have complete surrender that God can post His notes to my heart reminding me (again) that my life is worth more than my own scribbled, crumpled sticky notes. It is a novel being tenderly written just for me.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

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