Tag Archives: books

Thoughts on Paper

I’ve been a bit distracted lately. Not in a bad way, it just seems to be that I would rather have my nose in a book than anything else. After finishing a few chapters at breakfast, I got up to start the rest of my day–randomly, I laughed out loud as I pictured the scene from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast where Gaston is talking to Belle about having her nose in books…

Gaston: How can you read this? There’s no pictures!

Belle: Well, some people use their imagination.

Although books do cause my imagination to stir, most of what I read just enables me to think. Think deeply. I am not sure why I have taken a strong passion to reading so much over the past few months. The only “explainable” proposition I came up with in my mind a few days ago was that reading is a place where I hear everything. All the thoughts on paper: I don’t miss a word. There is no lack of communication, no frustrations in lip-reading, because I am in the conversation in reading the thoughts the author has penned on paper, like a conversation flowing.

Almost ironic as it sounds, becoming a more avid reader, I have seen myself emerge out of the “silent-reader-shell,” and start conversations about what I read, whether it is in person or through social media sites, such as Good Reads. So, I suppose the greatest question I have been asking is simply,”Where is this going?” This new passion of reading, sharing, learning, growing: It’s the start of something. The passion kindles–it’s exciting, and I am ready to discover more of what lies ahead.

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. ~Psalm 119:105

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Soup on Snow Days

Today is snowed. A lot. I called my grandpa after a late breakfast and as we finished our conversation, he asked if I was getting ready to have lunch. “Not yet. I am still finishing my coffee.” Of course, I didn’t tell him that it was my second cup. But I did already know what I was planning on the menu for lunch: soup and a bagel. Comfort food.

As I was organizing and sorting my books this week, I found a devotional book that I started last Fall, but put back on the shelf without finishing it. It’s titled, 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story, by Dr. Larry Crabb. Dr. Crabb writes this particular read in a first-person dialect between himself and God. Taking each book of the Bible as a love letter from God, Dr. Crabb asks the question of what we are hear and learn from the love letter; how does it fit in our lives today? And what about the bigger story: God’s story?

Yesterday, I read Part Three: Living in Mystery with Wisdom and Hope. This section included Job through the Song of Songs. In this recent past week, I have had more thoughts of my upcoming appointments and health. In honesty, I think I am seeing a little glimpse of what bigger physical changes are happening, yet still trying to ignore the fact that it is actually happening. As I read Love Letter Nineteen: Psalms, God (in conversation with Dr. Crabb) states,

In the Psalms, I reveal what life is like for the person who lives in the storm with his eyes fixed on me. As you read the Psalms, hear me say this:

Face the hard questions that life requires you to ask. Gather with other travelers on the narrow road, pilgrims who acknowledge their confusion and fears. Then, together, live those questions in My Presence. (Crabb, 91.)

My first response–“I don’t want to face the hard questions.” It has been leading up to this point all week–just from different events, conversations, thoughts or songs coming to mind, and things read in other books–but this morning’s conversation with my grandpa helped finalize the point: facing my hard questions is inevitable. But I don’t face them alone. We all face hard questions about the circumstances in our lives. The true comfort comes is knowing that we’re held and forever in God’s Story.

P.S. This song came to mind this week: “Held” by Natalie Grant.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOufqWodFNo

Crabb, Larry. 66 Love Letters: A Conversation with God that Invites You into His Story. (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2009.)

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Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies, Uncategorized

My Own Book Club

When my sister helped me set my Word Press account, she introduced me to the Widgets that I could apply to my page. Not wanting to overcrowd my page, I just kept to a simple format, but did apply one that linked to Goodreads. Before starting my blog, I had never heard of Goodreads. I have always loved to read, but never thought of recording my books started, finished or under the “want to read” category–let alone write reviews about the book when I did finish. I just did so in my mind. I didn’t consider books as a social activity.

At least not until this year. As I started to read more good books, I started to discuss them. Most of the time it was with Mom, as friends for me were still in Colorado. During the same week as my blood clot surgery, the ladies Bible study that I had signed up to attend had started. Missing only a few times, I got to know these women and respected their godly wisdom as I was the youngest in the group. Today, two of these ladies are now good friends. Age shows no boundaries in friendship. As Spring turned into Summer, I also started to get to know a few people in town. My friends were now more than just acquaintances. I still Skype, email, text and write letters to my dear friends in Colorado and wherever else they may reside, but having friends in the current area has been a joy.

I bring up friends (and I include family members in this too), because like myself, many are avid readers, love the library, and don’t mind if I bring up a few good book title recommendations. I decided books run in my blood line. 🙂 Now, I can’t tell you why I started this year to see books as social activity, but when it first started, I found that when I shared what I considered to be a good read, I enjoyed being able to remember what I read. Sounds funny, I know. But I was never good at reading to remember (unless it is an exceptional read.) This is why I preferred final papers over final tests in school.

Now that the year is nearing its end, I am glad that I have a Goodreads account. I looked back at the books I read this year–some I liked, others not so much; some I bought, some I borrowed, some I gave away when I finished; some I checked out from the library, some I read in a coffee shop, some I finished in the car on a road trip. There are still many to enjoy, which is the point of this blog post: I will now share my year-long secret with you. Actually, it is not really a secret, but it is sort of silly so I never told anyone.

In March, I noticed on Goodreads that there were different polls and book recommendations on the side margins. I noticed one in particular–a reading challenge: how many books are you going to read this year? I didn’t think much on it, thought it would be fun and set my challenge: my 2013 reading challenge. 40 books. I thought that was a good number…not too low, yet not high where I felt it unreachable. I was so serious about it when I first started, then forgot about it all together and hardly read at all during the summer. Something about students returning to campus, the thought of classes and learning and hours of studies in coffee shops got my mind refocused on enjoying book or two. On Monday I was writing a book review on Goodreads and finally checked my number for the challenge, as I was clueless of how many more books I needed in order to make my goal. According to the stats, I have read 39 books…one more to go to reach my challenge. 🙂

The book challenge was never my motive for reading, but it encouraged me to keep reading (at the times when I remembered I even had a goal to reach.) Would I set another challenge for next year? I have thought about it. If I did, I would challenge myself to read a few more than 40–but would keep my number a secret. 😉 But I don’t think numbers are important. It is not about how much I read, but how well I read–what I discover in the text, decipher in my thoughts, and share with others. That is what I consider a good read.

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When all the scenes flow together…

Today my parents and I went to the production of War Horse at the Schuster Performing Arts Center in Dayton. It was a phenomenal performance! Unlike most plays that pause in between different sections for changes in scenes or the props, everything today flowed in motion just like turning pages in a book. Speaking of the book, I have not read it (War Horse by Michael M0rpurgo)–nor have I seen the movie that DreamWorks produced in 2011; so I was a little confused in the second half but am very thankful for the change in seating arrangements they offered when we first arrived, so I could be close to the interpreters. It was a sad, but loving story (always best when based off true events). I can now put the book on my “to read” list, but seeing the play was amazing.

This week, all the “scenes” of the days seemed to flow together. Not a bad thing, just got a tiny overwhelming when you add the normal daily life events to tumbling health factors. The week started pretty typical: who doesn’t have insane schedules these days? I had a few important things this week: my driving test was the first. The PT gave me her clearance but wishes to see me again in six months. It was not until Thursday that I got clearance from my rehabilitation doctor at Children’s. I celebrated by going to Beans-n-Cream for a chai and some reading. I felt a bit social awkward, being out by myself for the first time and having to use my cane for balance, but I still enjoyed being out and back in my favorite coffee-house!

The most important thing was my doctor’s appointment on Tuesday. It was the end of month four of Sirolimus chemo treatments; the start of month five. Although there are no changes for right now as far as what I have been doing in treatments, I still discussed the physical changes that happened in my body over the WI weekend with my doctor.

On the way to WI, something in my body snapped and I got intense pressure (even more so) on my spine, which causes a list of new areas affected or the areas, such as my feet, to worsen. Simultaneously, I have had an increase of stiffness and numbness in my right arm. Over the weekend, I was hoping it was temporary…also because I was chilled all weekend, I thought maybe being back home in warmer air (which never happened, as this week our weather chilled to “winter weather”) and my own bed might release some of this new symptom. I am getting to a point where I need to stop going to bed hoping that tomorrow will bring a ray of release from it all, because it doesn’t happen that way (the way I want)–I only see it to be getting more unstable and on the downward slope.

I really was doing pretty well for the most part this week; I was not until Thursday evening that the pressure in my lower spine increased more…occasionally hitting the tailbone; Best way I can describe the feeling is like coming down on your tailbone while snowboarding. Yesterday was when it started to be obvious that it was affecting my balance more in the evening as I was taking smaller steps in precaution. I don’t want to fall. This morning, I just went ahead and used my cane; and now the walker.

To be honest, I didn’t write this post the past few days because I haven’t even had a chance to grasp it all; I can’t write on this blog (though I try my hardest) about all this in a way for you to understand. I don’t even understand, nor my parents or family that sees it direct and experiences the changes with me–just not physically. These past few days I really have just been a wreck–at least emotionally. And yet I don’t even know what emotions I am really having, because it resembles the production we saw today–all flowing together. And so right now, I am struggling. And that is about as honest as I can be…

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Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies, Family Times, Hospital Trips

The Book: “NF2: Our Journeys”

Question: Where has this year gone? Here we are in July already! Stop and think for a moment on all that you have done in the past six months. If you are like me, you may be wondering how you are going to write your Christmas card this year; thankfully, we still have another six months to figure that out. 🙂

As I reflect, there is a list of major events on my calendar: blood clot, hospital trips, Physical therapy, paintings, a few visits to see grandparents, Spring Break vacation, books read, made new friends, turned another year older, overcoming new physical limitations, visited my sister a few times in Columbus and Megan visited from Colorado…and last but certainly not least: I wrote about my life (limit 1500 words) for this book NF2: Our Journeys.

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January 2, 2o13–a representative from The Children’s Tumor Foundation contacted me through my blog in response to a letter I had sent to the foundation at the end of the previous year. Three days later, she contacted me again. The Children’s Tumor Foundation works alongside a foundation in the UK called, Children With Tumors. There was an opportunity for those with NF2 to participate in this publication (sharing their story)–all started by Jessica Cook who also lives with NF2.

January 9, 2013: Unexpected blood clot.

January 10, 2013: In hospital and I get an email from Jess. This is where it began.

I can count on both hands how many people I have known/met personally that live with either NF1 or NF2. Yes…less than ten people. It was only when I started this blog that my social group of “meeting” people who live with NF2 expanded slightly. When Jess first emailed me, it was about the book. I had no idea over the next five months I would not only get to be part of this amazing opportunity to share my journey of living with NF2, but also make a new friend in the process.

January and February were crazy months of doctor appointments, physical therapy and painting. I had until the end of February to write my story. Not that I procrastinated, but a combination of all taking place those months and just a lack of not knowing what to say, I finally forced myself to sit down a few days before the due date and write. I submitted it the day the rough drafts were due. By this time, Jess and I had been emailing back and forth and she responded to my draft with praise saying that it was what she had expected. That put my nervousness at ease.

My story was edited (spelling, grammar, punctuation) by Jess and a few of her friends and then sent back to me to read and review. I asked my cousin, who is known for her exceptional editing skills, for help on a few sentences and wordings–then satisfied–I sent it back to Jess saying it was final on my end. I picked my “author name” for the introduction and submitted a picture. (Muffy is famous! 🙂 ) By this time, I now had told my family about Jess and the book; I had mentioned it to my doctors in Cincinnati and wrote about Jess to my grandparents. Just talking about it all was exciting!

Getting to know Jess over the past six months has been both encouraging and inspiring. We never started our emails from the past (full life story)…we started right where we were at the moment. Sure, past events have come up in our conversations, such as, physical changes we have endured, emotional battles we have overcome (such as isolation and self-image struggles) and how living with NF2 has broadened our life’s story in ways unimaginable.

Jess’ work in the UK through her social advocacy website and group–Can You Hear Us?–has inspired me to be connected. I have been reading other blogs from people living with NF2 and (though good intentions) need to make a better effort to seek out the Deaf community here. It has also helped me to seek out the possibilities when life hands you disabilities; I believe God placed this book opportunity in front of me for a reason–because these past six months, I have seen my body change and weaken faster than the other nine years of living with the disease combined.

I say it often, but it is the truth: It is only by God’s strength and mercy that I can still function what I am. And He has shown me in abundance the past few months that what I currently struggle with physically is not the end–there is still more to my story waiting to be told. There is always room for hope…

My story: I seems to be a re-occurring phrase over the past few weeks. A few days ago I thought of the hymn “Blessed Assurance.” I think Fanny Crosby wrote what I feel about my story best:

Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

– – –

To buy a copy of the book:

http://canyouhearus.co.uk/nf2-book/shop/

(Shipping is included in the book price and PayPal converts the total for those ordering from the United States.)

For More Information:

Cook, Jessica (producer). NF2: Our Journeys: A collection of inspirational stories written by people with NF2. Lavenham Suffolk, UK: canyouhearus.co.uk, 2013.

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Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies, Hospital Trips, Muffy, Paintings