Category Archives: Uncategorized

Unorchestrated.

[Adj: Not orchestrated; unarranged or off the cuff]

I would venture to say that if I wrote this blog a few weeks ago then it would have had an entirely different perspective. I would have quoted to you lines from the Grinch: “Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise, noise. There’s one thing I hate, all the noise, noise, noise, noise!” Or my favorite Finding Nemo: “Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.” The seagulls only ever quote one word the entire movie; must not have been difficult to learn their lines. Nigel, the pelican, is about to gulp down his breakfast. Annoyed at the seagulls, he turns and states in blunt authority: “Would you just shut up?”

When my hearing first started the extra editions of obnoxious noises and rhythmic patterns in my head, I had to force myself to find humor to keep myself from tears in most conversations. These two quotes above are most often what I thought. It was and is probably not very obvious to anyone (except to my family) that I am struggling to hear, most often past the extra noise. I put my emotions in the incognito, like the Penguins of Madagascar’s secret tunnel digging at the zoo: and I feel I hide the emotions well, until I can no longer conceal it.

Just%2520smile%2520and%2520wave%2520boys

Communication. Hearing. Deafness. My thoughts seem to be consumed most often about these words, their meaning in my life and how to handle them. I first started hearing a high-pitched ring in my ears in the eighth grade. I grew to ignore it; it really did not distract me or play any significance to my communication even when wearing hearing aids. I don’t think I ever really thought much about the ringing, unless it was louder than usual–in event I had a headache or something. Fast forward ten years and things started to change soon after we returned from our spring break vacation. I noticed two different rings. They both had different pitches and instead of just a constant steady ring, they made patterns almost like a broken record. This is where my first annoyance started. And I thought of the Grinch. I thought of Nigel.

NF2 is a disease where you often feel complete isolation in dealing with the different side effects caused by the tumors; but what I should know or realize by now is that I am not alone. Maybe there are a few extremes, like my sweet-smelling aroma–which I still smell!!! But the ringing in the ears, also called tinnitus, is common among other people with NF2. However, before I knew this, I finally had the courage to ask my friend–who also has NF2–if she had ringing in her ears. In our discussion about the different noises we hear, we both described them in terms of musical instruments or notes–which I thought was fun. And then I realized it is yet another area in my journey with NF2 where suddenly I am no longer isolated…after all these years of thinking that I was the only one who heard excess noise in my head! Suddenly, my perspective started to diverge.

There is no “on” or “off” button; I will live with these noises my whole life. I walked in the kitchen last week and declared, “I am nearing Deafness; yet I will never sit in silence.” As many days as there are of complete frustration in trying to communicate, even just with my family, there are other days like today where I hear the noise but it is tolerable. Maybe it is because last night I sat out on the patio and waited for Muffy to finish his midnight snack. I thought to myself about all the noises and patterns in my head, simultaneously playing their rhythms. It sounds like a 5th grade band; it sounds unorchestrated.

Then I laughed at the thought: “I wonder if any of the famous composers ever felt this way?” Hearing all the noises of the orchestra in their heads while compiling their notes together to become one masterpiece. How did they do it? I thought of Beethoven. His deafness never stopped him from becoming a world-famous composer. I can’t destroy pianos like he did, but in waking up this morning, I realized that the piano is one sound and melody in my head that I hear. The tinnitus is changing; last week it was the sounds of trumpets, electric guitars, an accordion, and clarinets (which were most annoying–sounded like someone was just blowing air in the horn and wiggling their fingers back and forth between two notes.) This week, I still hear the clarinets (though not as loud) and the accordian…but today I hear a regular piano. It has been like listening to a “rest and relax” cd you find at stores even though it sounds more like a child just sitting down and playing random keys up and down the piano. But it is a piano. It is almost refreshing.

Who knows–maybe tomorrow it will not be so refreshing; maybe I will hear something new or maybe not. These past few weeks have taught me about embracing change once again. So today I concluded that even though this may not be the “music” I am accustomed to hearing, it is music and I can praise God for the noise–even the clarinets.

Praise Him with the blast of trumpets high into the heavens,
and praise Him with harps and lyres
and the rhythm of the tambourines skillfully played by those who love and fear the Eternal.
Praise Him with singing and dancing;
praise Him with flutes and strings of all kinds!

Praise Him with crashing cymbals,
loud clashing cymbals!
No one should be left out;
Let every man and every beast—
every creature that has the breath of the Lord—praise the Eternal!
Praise the Eternal!

Psalm 150:3-6 (The Voice Translation)

References:

Dr. Suess. How the Grinch Stole Christmas. Random House, 1957.

Finding Nemo. Disney Pixar. 2003.

*Image taken from http://www.religiousforums.com/forum/attachments/religious-debates/981d1171060978-great-news-hope-our-future-just-20smile-20and-20wave-20boys.jpg.

9 Comments

Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies, Family Times, Funny Stories, Muffy, Random, Uncategorized

Waiting for Spring.

Wrong will be right, when Aslan comes in sight,
At the sound of his roar, sorrows will be no more,
When he bares his teeth, winter meets its death,
And when he shakes his mane, we shall have spring again.*

I am sitting drinking a hot cup of plum tea, wearing a cozy sweater and my feet adorned with my slippers. The fireplace was just on and I think, “This is not spring-like weather.” Even today at lunch, snow frillies fell randomly from the sky and I said out loud, “Winter [has met] its death!!” Well, not quite. But slowly, it is changing.

This afternoon, I worked on sorting through my pictures from vacation. Some I have set out for cards and the rest I put in order and placed them in the photo album. The day we were at Grandfather Mountain, my mind thought of Narnia. It felt like winter…”Always winter but never Christmas.”* The hoarfrost on the trees, fog and gray skies just added to my imagination: This is what Narnia must have felt like.

DSCN1351

DSCN1370

DSCN1353

DSCN1357

DSCN1361

Winter in Narnia did not end overnight either. And while I am not waiting for magic to weaken, I do just have to be patient–spring will come.

Thinking these hopeful thoughts–I have good news!

I am finally able to wear my left hearing aid!!!! 🙂 For the first time in over a month! It still is not all the way back to normal, but I hear a little. The tunnel feeling is still there when I speak, but I turned the aid up to the highest setting–then put it into the second setting where the background noise is eliminated, and that helps. However, I do not think this is the best option–so I need to get in to have my hearing aid adjusted.

Since some of the fluid is out from behind the ear drum, now my ear is taking small steps back to where it was (I hope)! I have some fluid in my right ear as well, but so far have not noticed a change in hearing too much. The only thing is that I have extensive loud ringing noises all the time in my ears, and so I almost didn’t test the left ear yesterday. I had just changed my battery in the right hearing aid on Tuesday, and figured it would be a waste of a battery. But, I was wrong. I was instead filled with joy even at the smallest sounds.

Another praise is that I no longer have to go to the doctor’s office for weekly INRatio tests. INRatio is a small finger poke test that determines my blood count, due to being on the Warfarin blood thinners. I received my own home machine and kit on Friday and went through the training session. Monday’s test was an epic fail. The plan was to compare my home results with the doctor office results–I went and sat in the waiting room frustrated that morning. But not today! Because my blood count was high Monday, I had another test today. My INR was a success (thank you Mom for your help!) and my number matched the number at the doctor’s office. Now I am on my own!

While we were on spring break, I had a faxed order from my doctor for an INR test (just in case I needed one!) If I did, we would have had to find a medical facility to have the test done–which means registration, paperwork, waiting rooms–you get the point. Not something you want to do while on vacation! Having my own machine now will also eliminate this type of activity. The machine is not very big. I think my make-up bag is bigger, HAHA! So this is just one example I have thought of that makes having a personal INR machine a huge blessing!

On most days, spring may still seems a long way off. March seems to have come “in like a lion” but can’t decide whether it wants to leave “like a lamb.”

‘He’ll be coming and going,’ he had said. ‘One day you’ll see him and another you won’t. He doesn’t like being tied down–and of course he has other countries to attend to. It’s quite all right. He’ll often drop in. Only you mustn’t press him. He’s wild, you know. Not like a tame lion.’*

In whatever way winter leaves or spring comes, I am learning to find hope, joy and blessings in both the cold and warmer days.

*C.S. Lewis The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

4 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Family Times, Random, Uncategorized

Green.

I was not very hungry, but decided I should eat something. Seems like most Sunday evenings a bowl of cereal does indeed suffice for dinner. I did not want cereal, but something. I remembered I had avocados in the refrigerator. An avocado with sea salt. My cousin really is a genius. She recommended the combination. Simply delicious! I usually don’t have a hard time cutting the avocados or getting the contents out, but today was different. At one point, the avocado flies out of my hand and rolls down the countertop. If I was bowling, I could have claimed a strike. My avocado landed precisely in a cup full of water in the sink. Soggy avocado. At least the outside was, but the inside was still good. Fresh. Sprinkled Drowned with sea salt. Ripe olive-green.

I have been thinking about the color green lately. Now that the winter days are almost over, I can see highlights of green starting to grow in the grass. Nothing huge, but there is green. It is not fully brown like it once was. Spring is green. Growth, new life.

IMG_1349

Green is a blend, a mixture of strong blue and soft yellow. It’s personalities resemble both primary colors. Green is energizing…green is active. Green is for everyday purposes: “Ready,” “Go.” You cannot just sit and watch a garden toil on its own…you must work the soil. Planting, weeding, watering, yielding the crops.  It is culture, deed, tasteful, nurturing, becoming.

IMG_1383

Yet green is passive. It “fills in the spaces,” like a floral arrangement. It is not claiming glory as the rest of the flowers in their boldness, and yet without the filled green–it would blemish. I often find myself relating to this green…the background green. I am not the bold green, a natural-born leader. I lead behind a leader. I love the background details…the things that seem insignificant, yet I notice them. Green is pastoral, harmonious, tranquil.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul.

Psalm 23:1-3 ESV

IMG_1350

Green is everywhere. What do you see in the color green?

8 Comments

Filed under Paintings, Random, Uncategorized

Biltmore Estate (pictures)

Hey guys!

I was so excited to share as much as I could in the last post, I decided to post the pictures separate. We were not allowed to take pictures inside the house. However, I found two great websites that I attached at the bottom, in which there are pictures with descriptions and stories of the rooms of the house. That way you can “experience” everything better that I just wrote about in the previous post! Hope you enjoy them!

DSCN1392

DSCN1396

DSCN1406

DSCN1409

DSCN1419

DSCN1422

DSCN1429

DSCN1445

DSCN1457

DSCN1474

DSCN1493

http://theblueridgehighlander.com/Biltmore_Estate/a_legacy_in_stone-3.php#library at Biltmore Estate-3

http://www.romanticasheville.com/biltmore_house.htm

8 Comments

Filed under Family Times, Random, Uncategorized

Biltmore Estate (Written)

Elizabeth, as they drove along, watched for the first appearance of Pemberley Woods with some perturbation; and when at length they turned in at the lodge, her spirits were in a high flutter.

The park was very large, and continued great variety of ground. They entered it in one of its lowest points, and drove for some time through a beautiful wood stretching over a wide extent.

Elizabeth’s mind was too full for conversation, but she saw and admired every remarkable spot and point of view. They gradually ascended for a half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by the Pemberley House[.]

It was a large, handsome stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills[.] Elizabeth was delighted. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. They were all of them warm in their admiration; and at the moment she felt that to be mistress of Pemberley might be something! (1)

Although I wish we were visiting England…Asheville, NC is second best choice for this quote. The scene from the novel Pride and Prejudice came alive in my mind as we drove into the Biltmore Village and into the Estate entrance. Having just read this chapter the night before, I could not help but mention something aloud to everyone in the car. The drive through the wooden area to the house…though still winter brush (and occasional bamboo trees) was still beautiful. You could also picture Disney’s Beauty and the Beast as the opening scene where the Beast is still a prince–the wooded area with the castle in the background. It was something like that. 🙂

We parked and rode the shuttle the rest of the way into the estate. (Side note–it represents excellent tourism when you are the last car to leave the parking lot, LOL.) As you entered through the gate, you see the house and being the first time for all of us, I was just amazed! I literally felt like I was in a different country (France was what I felt.) Now, I am a big fan of architecture, so the first thing I start looking at is the details of the walls of the house and the structure. We have visited the National Cathedral in Washington, D.C. and there were a few similarities of style that I noticed.

We could not take long at first to soak it all in, because I had to go in and meet my interpreter. I was fortunate that she had already been to the house before and was excited to sign for the tours again (no matter how long!) We were set to go on the Butler’s Tour first, before the regular “walk through on your own” house tour that had a tape you listened to and a map with some extra details. We had a few minutes to spare, so we saw the rooms where they showed the process of how the house has and is being restored to maintain the history there. It was pretty fascinating, because they showed these pieces of rare artwork and how specialists use different cleaning processes and glues to put back together broken artifacts. You could never tell that anything was wrong with it at first glance! Also, they talked about the draperies and silk chairs/wallpaper. That style of rug weaving with silk is almost outdated! They talked about how they are having a shop in France–that specializes in this technique–help them in this area of preservation. Because George Vanderbilt loved to travel and loved the arts, much of his collections are from overseas countries which makes the process a “world event”–or so I say. 🙂

The Butler’s Tour was a “behind the scenes” of how the servants of the house did their duties. I found this so fascinating! I know the BBC show, Downton Abbey, is a view much from the servants point so I had a little glimpse already of how the process goes, but was still blown away at what details and professionalism that had to take place! The house is about 4 acres itself with another 8,000 acres of land otherwise. The Vanderbilt’s had more, but after George’s death, his wife–Edith–sold part of the land to the U.S. Government for a national forestry. Anyway, the house has 250 rooms and I believe 43 bathrooms. Considering the house was built in 1895-1898…43 bathrooms for that time period was A LOT!!! They had their own electricity. We saw where the coal was dumped from the main outdoors to the lower level…then saw the big furnaces. They had their own water–which they could fill up a 70,000 gallon swimming pool that was in the basement! There was a gym (the gym had a shower no less!) that had a hallway attached with private dressing rooms so the servants could bring down the guests clothes so they could change there. I read on a sign that Mr. Vanderbilt could change his outfit as many as eight times a day for the different occasions! Best part of the basement was the bowling alley. 😀 The servants would have to run and replace the pins after the ball strikes, LOL. Classic.

There was so much detail already in the house, but the Butler’s Tour was really extrodinary to get even more behind the scenes! The house even had different colored walls for different meanings. The brown hall was the servant’s hall. Then as you went around closer to the bedroom entrances from the back…Mrs. Vanderbilt’s hall was a rose color. The bigger picture of the house made better sense when we did the regular tour…because then we knew that the doors in the bedrooms went out in the servants halls. There was also another room where the china for dinner was kept. The meals would come up from the kitchen (which was on the basement level of the house) through a dumb waiter to the room. The meals were then placed on the china that had been picked by the Vanderbilt’s for the evening or event happening and made presentable. Then they were taken into the dining hall. The room had china up to the ceiling in cupboards! They had ladders even! Can you imagine?? That would not be a job for me. 😀 I thought the kitchen set ups were genius. There were three parts in separate rooms: regular food, meat, and pastry. They had a freezer and storage for their milks and cheeses. They have a dairy farm there on the property so they got their milk from their own cows. Also, much of their fresh produce was from their own land/gardens.

On the house tour, there was so much to see. It was like a huge museum! 😀 My favorite rooms were the banquet hall, the library, Mrs. Vanderbilt’s bedroom, and the Louis XV room. The banquet hall was designed to look like a throne room from the 1500’s. It had tapestries, a massive pipe organ in the loft, a triple fireplace at the other end of the room, swords hanging for display and flags, and a huge oak table. The library was AMAZING! Mr. Vanderbilt loved reading, traveling, the arts. He owned 23,000 books. It literally goes to the ceiling of books! Another Beauty and the Beast moment here! Funny part is that after the books were used, they had to be compressed to fit back on the shelves. On the ceiling of the library is the painting, The Chariot of Aurora, which they took down by segments from the ceiling of the Pisani Palace in Venice. You can only tell in a few spots where the segments were cut and put back together. It was astounding. I don’t know with all George’s traveling, generous hosting and charitable events, recreational activities and family when he had time to get in that much reading but I applaud his endeavours and library! 😀

Mrs. Vanderbilt’s bedroom was one of my favorites due to the colors. It had gold walls and mostly gold everywhere–the ceiling had painted textures if pale purple and a minty green color. There were the silk pattern of the chairs and bed–these were part of the fabrics that France helped restore. If I were running a home magazine, I would look at this room for simplicity (even though it was super elegant designs obviously)..but the colors and the oval shape of the room…the windows. I think it would give good inspiration for ideas anyway. 🙂 And lastly, the Louis XV bedroom. It is where Mr. and Mrs. Vanderbilt’s daughter, Cornelia, was born. Cornelia also gave birth to her two sons there! For a baby’s room, it had quite the furnishings. My favorite part were these stairs that go down to the window…like a little “sunroom” where one could sit with the baby and look out the window.

I will close with the Vanderbilt’s love of travel. We discussed it at dinner tonight, but I mentioned that I found it amazing that George and Edith made relations with people as they traveled. They just did not have a love for all this historical artwork without also getting to know people of importance. For example, I do not remember who, but someone who George knew personally (and knew his love for art, etc) helped him get Napoleon’s chess set. Yes! Isn’t that great! 🙂 We got to see it too! Also, George was very fascinated with Japan. I read there that he and his cousin spent a while over in Japan touring and getting art work. He had an ancient samurai warrior armor and swords. I also saw the invitation where the Emperor of Japan invited Mr. Vanderbilt personally to his birthday celebration while he was still in Japan. What an honor. The Vanderbilt’s were also very charitable people. They helped fund a school library, a church, and other needs for education. They shared their love for learning and the arts.

This history just fascinated me. We spent 10 hours at the Biltmore Estate. Let’s say the next day, my left ankle was swollen and I was incredibly sore from all the stairs, but it was worth it!!! 😀 I decided I would like to visit in every season: we got “winter”…but I have heard Christmas is spectacular!! The tree is in the banquet hall–that ceiling is 70 feet tall!!! It would be so beautiful to see the gardens and do the outdoor activities in the spring/summer and then the tree colors and harvest in the fall. Whenever I get back, I am sure I will always see something new and exciting! I recommend a trip to Asheville, NC if you are ever at loss for a vacation idea. I can think of nothing better than ending spring break in this way. 😀

Pictures in the next post…

References:

(1) Austen, Jane. Illustrated by Hugh Thomson. Pride and Prejudice. Mineola, New York: Dover Publications, Inc. 2005. Pages 301-302. (Have you ever noticed on classic novels that after the recent publication date, it says something to this extent: “This Dover edition [is] an unabridged republication of the work origionally published in 1894 by George Allen, Ruskin House, 156 Caring Cross Road, London.” Brilliant!)

9 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Family Times, Random, Uncategorized

Week in Review

Hi everyone!

I just returned today with my family from our spring break vacation to VA/NC. What a trip!! I made lists in the hotel using their complementary notepads/pens of all these events I did not want to forget. I have so much to blog about that it excites me! It is amazing what a week away from your computer can do to one’s mind. However, I just checked my email inbox. My apologies to all who emailed during last week. I will write back as soon as possible.

Where to start? I thought I would take tonight and just tell you the fun events in general. We were able to see family during our first half of the trip: aunts, uncles, cousins!, my grandparents, and even some second cousins…but really, first or second cousins does not matter in my mind. I love them all and seeing family was such a wonderful time~but I just have one regret…that I was only with one hearing aid all week. My left ear is still having problems with fluid behind the eardrum. The week before we left I had a hearing test–and it was not very good. So, I went on spring break Deaf in my left ear relying on only my right hearing aid (which is not the stronger of the two) and lip-reading skills. It had moments of frustration and isolation feelings, but for the most part even if I had no clue what the conversation was about, it was nice just being there seeing faces anyway.

Otherwise, the trip had many rewards: Go-carting with cousins; playing Scrabble with the grandparents (team Grandma and Marcia won!); I tried octopus (no comment); I turned a quarter-of-a-century old (yeah the big 2-5); we visited Samaritan’s Purse headquarters in Boone, NC; and I finished Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice. I even added thirty new words to my vocabulary…now the task is learning to use them in my sentences. This might sound sarcastic, but my favorite new word is “odious.” I just laugh at the sound of it and love the way Elizabeth used it in her personal reflections of Mr. Darcy in the beginning of the book when she thought him as prideful. Such a classic written story. I highly recommend it!!

And, as you might guess–we also saw historical places and lots of art!!! We visited Old Salem, NC. Being a Monday, all shops were closed but two: the bakery and the bookstore. It was such a nice day we still ventured around the street and saw the old buildings. Quite the place with interesting history!

DSCN1268

They were not “one a penny, two a penny…”, but they were delicious!

DSCN1271

They still use this brick oven today!

DSCN1281

We visited Boone, NC and actually got a snow day there. Instead of going further in the Blue Ridge Parkway, we were able to see the town and the Mast General Store. It has been in business since 1883. They had a whole room of candy–mostly “old-time candy”, meaning candy that is now very hard to find anywhere else. We were able to stop into two art stores: an art shop where local artists’ work was on display and an art supply store. The more I see art, the more I see how much I can improve my art and how much there is to learn! I was able to get a book at the art supply store about using mixed media with your paintings. I can’t wait to try some of the ideas!

IMG_3029

We were able to drive up Grandfather Mountain. I learned something new about winter beauty: hoar-frost. It is truly a beautiful frost that made me feel like I was entering the land of Narnia. Dad, Marcia and I walked the mile high swinging bridge. It was INSANE COLD!!!!!!!!! But it was fun memories having walked it in the blissful winter weather (and the hot chocolate machine was broken when we got back inside, LOL.)

DSCN1333

DSCN1357

DSC05466

DSCN1368

And our final destination was Asheville, NC. We ate at a great pizza place called the Mellow Mushroom (thank you Melissa for the recommendation!!). Then the next day we toured the Biltmore Estate. I am just going to leave you with that suspense, because if I start on the subject this post will never end! Let’s just say having just been reading Pride and Prejudice, I felt that I was on the drive through Derbyshire towards Mr. Darcy’s Pemberly Estate. 🙂

The Biltmore Estate far exceeded any expectation I had of grandeur, art, history, beauty. It seemed so unreal. I literally felt like I was in France, not NC. I have much to tell you about the day here, but if curiosity overtakes you before my next post I added the website at the bottom.

Fun facts of that day: first, it was my birthday. What a birthday to remember!!! I am serious–this is milestone memory! I will have to plan something this great for when I turn 30. LOL. And second, I had an interpreter for both tours and I cannot thank her enough! I was able to understand everything or ask questions. I just really enjoyed that service! All in all, it was a great day with my family as we toured this historic landmark.

DSCN1384

Mellow Mushroom…now a pizza place was once an old gas station. Pretty neat!

DSCN1408

The front of Biltmore Estate.

DSCN1466

Path leading out to the gardens.

DSCN1500

 

DSC05803

We saw more art on the journey home. In Asheville there is a Folk Art Center which had more original artwork…art that I consider the last of “heritage art,” such as calligraphy, making dolls out of corn husks, or weaving (baskets, chairs or rugs on a loom). Art just amazes me…as it did Mr. George Vanderbilt!! And with that, I am putting myself in suspense for writing all about the day so I will end for tonight.

More to come!!!

Websites:

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/

http://www.mastgeneralstore.com/index.cfm

http://www.grandfather.com/

http://www.biltmore.com/ and http://blog.biltmore.com/

3 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Family Times, Funny Stories, Paintings, Random, Uncategorized

Freewriting on my Writer’s Block.

I just pushed the timer. Normally teacher’s set a time limit of five minutes, but to give my hands some grace I set the timer for twenty minutes. My sister just asked what I am doing. “Freewriting.” The sound of those words sort of makes me giggle. The thing is that lately I have had anything but writer’s block. I feel I have had too much on the mind about writing. Maybe it was spending an hour yesterday morning drinking coffee and reading the “Freshly Pressed” blogs or finding my first diary that my grandparents gave me 16 years ago. The diary became a close companion. I wrote almost every night through high school but in college I threw all but my first diary away because they were nothing but “cute boy blogs and high school drama.” I sort of regret that. I think a lot of my current “writer’s block” is associated with my computer…the realization that I spend too much time “in the box” which is the computer screen rather than expanding my knowledge through books, journaling thoughts and exercising the mind through creativity or physical activity. I have been aspiring to read more–between the few books I have currently bookmarked, I realize that my vocabulary is so small. Then I realized I have no dictionary. I usually just use google. I lay on top of my bed for a few moments to give my neck a break-another reason I think this week’s writer’s block has been a bit on the negative tone for my computer–I get the neck pain due to the position in which I sit, though I try to hold a good posture. So as I lay there thinking about how the writing world of my life has diminished I think of all the fun posts I want to write about in March. I think part of my writer’s block is like my life…I excitedly plan ahead but see the boring of today. It is something I am trying to overcome as a planner, writer, thinker, blogger. But I am ready to break away from the box, “aka–the computer screen.” I heard carrying around a small notepad during the day helps ease writer’s block. Not that I am lacking ideas but I am lacking writing things by hand–I don’t want to make more future to-do lists. I want to think and create written substance. I want to enjoy a time thinking “outside the box.” I am excited, because I want to go back to the days like my first diary entries, where every other word is misspelled or incorrect grammar. But the joy of just writing was evident.

3 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Random, Uncategorized

My favorite Painter.

If you haven’t noticed by now–my Greece pages under my “I Like!” section are still currently where they were months ago. I feel like my progress relates to the frustration of long-term road construction; but when it is finished…it will be a grand thing! I do apologize for that and hope to get those updated with pictures and stories very soon!

Following some sort of train of thought from Greek civilization, artwork and architecture to more modern times, I have an announcement. I have discovered my favorite painter.

Yes, I decided this last Sunday afternoon as I visited the Columbus Museum of Art. An excellent way to spend your afternoon if you are ever in the area..bonus it is free admission on Sundays. 😀 My favorite painter is not one I ever remember learning about in my two years of required art class in high school. I remember in particular Vincent von Gogh, well, because he had such a heart breaking life. However, his “Starry Night” is one of my personal favorite paintings of all times. I learned about Michelangelo, da Vinci, Raphael, and Picasso. But never do I remember hearing the name: Claude Monet. My favorite painter.

img_columboh07_07 (1)

I probably would not have initially recognized his “Weeping Willow” piece on display in one of the rooms had it not been for purchasing blank greeting cards from Barnes and Nobles around Christmas. It is so hard to find good writing cards that this particular boxed set seemed to be exactly what it should be–12 designs with two each. The box holding the cards/envelopes even has a picture of one of the paintings on the cover so it can be reused. I skimmed through the assorted replica pictures and bought the boxed set being more excited about having nice greeting cards more than who the artist was.

After starting to write some cards, I noticed Monet’s name. I still have no idea who he was, but I am really liking his style. I think that is what it comes down to really–I like his style of painting. The strokes…most short and the contrast of light in each painting. It makes the painting seem to have a deeper dimension. Monet is said to be one of the founders of the Impressionism movement. I went on to read, “The term Impressionism is derived from the title of his painting Impression, Sunrise.” [or in French: Impression, soleil levant] (2)

780px-Claude_Monet,_Impression,_soleil_levant,_1872 (3)

I am still trying to understand the Impressionist technique, but I think I just opened a new window of fascination in my interests! The best part of having a favorite painter is the feeling that I am now an art student. 😀 I can’t wait to get to the library and check out some art books and begin reading more about these different movements in art history as well as other artists. Sometimes when I paint, I get stuck in a rut–the same pattern, colors, style. By learning, I have an opportunity to create better artwork myself. How exciting! “Attitude is the mind’s paintbrush. It can color any situation.” ~Anonymous.

Do you have a favorite painter or artist?

References:

(1) Claude Monet. (French, 1840-1926). Weeping Willow. 1918. Oil on Canvas.  51 5/8 x 43 7/16 in. (131 x 110.3 cm). © Columbus Museum of Art, Columbus, Ohio. Retrieved from  http://arthistory.about.com/od/from_exhibitions/ig/inmonetsgarden/img_columboh07_07.htm

(2) [*Excellent site! You can see his other paintings too, under “The Complete Works” tab.] Retrieved from http://www.claudemonetgallery.org/biography.html

(3) Claude Monet. Impression, soleil levant, 1872. Image retrieved from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Claude_Monet,_Impression,_soleil_levant,_1872.jpg

6 Comments

Filed under Paintings, Random, Uncategorized

February 12, 1809

I never took note of this, or maybe most calendars don’t add it to their days–but I noticed on my new calendar that today is Abraham Lincoln’s birthday. That is what it says. I went around the house and checked other calendars to see if it was posted on their February 12th as well. I found one that said it again, along with the date: 1809. 🙂

In light of Lincoln’s birthday, I thought I would share with you my favorite quote:

If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.

~Abraham Lincoln

I first heard this quote on Disney’s classic, Pollyanna. Pollyanna, a missionary child, is sent to live with her rich aunt after the death of her parents. Encountering a whole different world–now being rich–Pollyanna never seems to lose her spirit of spreading joy, simplicity and gladness with others. She even teaches everyone her “Glad game.” It starts to spread around town, changing people as they start to see life with a different attitude.

Because her aunt is rich and powerful, much of the town is run by her decision, even the sermons at church. During an afternoon talk with the preacher, Pollyanna asked if the minister liked being the preacher of the town. She follows by sharing stories of her father (who had also been a minister) and said that he found a quote that helped him when he got discouraged. It was engraved in her necklace. It was this Abraham Lincoln quote. In reading the quote, the minister realizes that he has been using his pulpit as a way of condemnation. He learns to love his congregation, and in return…more joy and gladness spreads around the town.

I can’t say much about Abraham Lincoln’s life. I don’t honestly know much about it. I know big events, such as the battles of the Civil War and some of his speeches but nothing past that. However, what I have read in glimpse formats throughout some books is that he respected all mankind. Like Pollyanna, that attitude spread–even in spite of the Civil War. He did not agree with everyone, but he had respect. The Apostle Paul writes in Romans 12:16-21,

Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written,

‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay’, says the Lord.

To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Valentine’s Day is only but a few short days away. What greater lesson to remember than to seek the good in others, even loving our enemies.

With malice towards none; with charity for all; with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive to finish the work we are in; to bind up the nation’s wounds[.]

~Abraham Lincoln. Second Inaugural Address, March 4, 1865. (1)

23566_516592853338_171701111_30725573_4286003_n

Lincoln Memorial. Washington, D.C.

23566_516592858328_171701111_30725574_908947_n

23566_516592908228_171701111_30725576_3699017_n

Gettysburg Address.

23566_516592863318_171701111_30725575_2694326_n

23566_516593092858_171701111_30725596_94764_n

Lincoln’s hat. Smithsonian Museum, Washington, D.C.

23566_516666894958_171701111_30728402_35786_n

Standing close to where the Gettysburg Address was said. Gettysburg Cemetary, PA.

Recommendable:

Boritt, Gabor. The Gettysburg Gospel: The Lincoln Speech that Nobody Knows. New York: Simon & Shuster Paperbacks, 2006.

Gross, Anthony (ed). The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln. New York: Fall River Press, 1994.

Pollyanna. Disney, 1960.

References:

(1) “16. Abraham Lincoln[,] 1861-1865.” Whitehouse.gov. Retrieved February 12, 2013. http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/abrahamlincoln

Pollyanna. Disney, 1960.

4 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Family Times, Random, Uncategorized

Sweet Aroma.

If you happen to see me as of late, you might often times catch me with my nose in the air. Don’t think much of it…I am just trying to smell the air, because it carries a sweet aroma. Actually, I don’t even think it is the air. I think it is just my nose or senses. No one else can smell it. I can’t even tell you where it came from. If you are thinking this is insane–it probably is. Even my doctor had never heard of anything like this before. I am thinking it is from one of my medicines. I would have guessed Lovenox, because the scent started decreasing last week once I stopped the blood thinner shots. I was a bit sad, and aghast when I actually smelled something quite unpleasant. I am just one of those rare few that get side effects concerning the sense of smell. It certainly is not the first time that it has happened when taking treatments.

Like I said, I can’t remember smelling the aroma before the blood clot…but I sometimes wonder if I did but did not recognize it. I am a bit slow to piecing these things together. Right before my last doctors appointment, I finally came to my senses [LOL, classic Mel punch line right there–get it??] and realized that I am smelling this sweet aroma everywhere I go. I really can’t describe the smell. It is not vanilla per say, but almost like a fresh rose smell. I have no sense of smell. Literally, so I can’t even remember the last time I smelled a rose…so I am just thinking in my mind that the smell of a rose is the best possible answer. 🙂 I know it is not lavender! Maybe that is because I have never liked the smell–in essence, maybe I am making my smell based off personal bias of favorite flower smells. Isn’t this great? It is like a psychology class. 🙂 Regardless, my sweet aroma is like having a Glad plug-in affixed to my nostrils at all times. 😀 Coming from two and a half years of not smelling to having this aroma in my nose has been quite pleasant!

Last week, I did notice the aroma fade. I thought it ended. I would get wisps of it here and there…that is when I would stick my nose in the air and just smell–grasping as much of it as I could get before it was gone. Mom caught me in the kitchen; it happened at a red light coming home from errands (I am sure it looked most ridiculous…oh well); and it happened Saturday night after my sister and I finished a movie in the basement. Now that it has returned I don’t have to smell the air as often…because I smell it when I breathe. It is almost as if it is inside me.

The sweet aroma was not the only thing to fade last week: my left hearing aid is currently not working, thus, my hearing seemed to “fade” as I depended (or depend) on lip-reading and my right hearing aid only until Thursday’s appointment. My bruises are fading–my stomach is almost back to its normal color in most areas; and as I decreased my dose of steroids, what I got in return was a reverse of side effects of swelling, numbness, and extreme pain in the neck and upper back. As the medicines faded–the side effects worsened so bad that on several times I could not even lift my head. I was a hunchback. Not even my pain medicine helped very much on Saturday afternoon; so I warmed my rice pack, placed it on my neck and crawled into bed for a nap. That seemed to help!

I am now on the plan of getting back on the steroid pills at the moment. It will take time to get to where I was before, but regaining stability to where I can function is the key. It is the thesis of my doctor appointments on Thursday–to formulate a plan: keeping me functioning and independent as long as possible while decreasing the pain without using a lot of heavy pain medicines. Talking with my parents last night made me realize how much I don’t know. I have questions that seem to have no answer.

I also realized last night that I have been having inner denial. I know my body is slowing down, changing, fading…but I just chose the road to dismiss it. Doctor appointments seem like a blur of massive information; I usually get home and totally dismiss everything. I let myself try to forget that I have struggles, pain. I ignore it by pushing myself harder against it. My own act of inner denial of thinking, “I won’t get to that point of extremity health problems.” Sometimes I don’t think that is bad…it gives me the motivation to carry on and conquer. But I also can’t live a life ignoring it either. My dad reminded me last night that things will continue to change. I have so much pressure right now from tumors along the spine in and out that any slight change is going to effect my body.

There will be no timeline of events. No way to prepare or know when the next changes will be. The thing is–everything will fade in time.

For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. (1 Corinthians 13:12)

– – –

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

These promises will not fade over time. God holds my future. Amidst life’s pain and suffering, those words speak a sweet aroma to the soul:. “But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God…” (2 Corinthians 2:14-15a).

~

*A song that has been on my mind since last week:

Shaun Groves. “After the Music Fades.” Invitation to Eavesdrop. Provident Records, 2004.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sa9WVoF0fBM

9 Comments

Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Random, Uncategorized