Category Archives: Uncategorized

November 2, 2013 · 10:19 pm

Be My Refuge

This morning’s breakfast routine started in normal fashion. It wasn’t until I got up from where I was eating at the counter that I noticed a small dog running around on the back patio. Mom had left me a note saying she had already fed Muffy, so I hadn’t bothered to go out before I started preparing my meal.

Glancing out the door, I figure Muffy is long gone by this time and started to wonder where the dog came from; he had a collar and when I opened the door to say, “Go home,” it started nosing against the screen door like Muffy when he wants to be pet. Cute dog, but when it started eating Muffy’s food, my tone in voice changed and I got loud, waking Marcia up in the mean time.

With my balance so off as of late, even going out to feed Muffy is tricky with the back porch steps, let alone Muffy rubbing against my legs and circulating around me wanting to be pet, I often just have to stand there holding the one handle attached to the side door. This dog, I could tell, would be even worse as it was a bit of the hyper type, so I did not really venture out until it left the patio. Marcia did get a chance to look at his tag; it was our neighbor’s dog. Marcia and I watched him run under the patio and since we couldn’t do anything about that we just went on to continuing breakfast.

As we were finishing, Marcia states randomly, “I think he has Muffy up the tree.” Sure enough, this pup is frantically jumping, circling, howling, barking at the tree. I didn’t know Muffy still climbed trees as he is “getting up there in cat years,” but I have to admit, I was quite impressed! 🙂

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Once we figured out how to get the visitor back to his fenced yard (I was also impressed by the size of the hole he made in the fence), it was time to try to get Muffy out of the tree. Marcia stood underneath coaxing him and trying to help him, but Muffy was not moving. I didn’t want him in the tree as we were planning on being gone for a few hours, so I decided to step out on the back patio and just try calling his name to see if that would help. I blurt out, “Muffy…here kitty, kitty, kitty.” Within a few seconds, I see black move in the tree and watch as he makes his way down (again, impressive) and run up the patio towards me. I just stood there, holding my handle–swooped down and gave him a good pet.

This week, I have been reading the Psalms and often found myself in the Gospel of John as well. The Psalms make reference to God being a refuge. I love this imagery. A refuge for me is like a fort…strong, protection, a place where I feel safe. I also think of it in terms of comfort, a place of warmth. I think the reminder of those images is like a backdrop to remembering the promise that God will never leave me nor forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). Jesus never said this world would be easy (John 16:33), but my Refuge is unwavering for all eternity.

My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me. And I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; neither shall anyone snatch them out of My hand.

John 10: 27-28 NKJV

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October 6, 2013 · 10:34 pm

Homecoming: thoughts of heaven

This weekend was Homecoming Weekend for the university in town. Although it meant nothing to me (besides a fun parade and getting pumpkin chai with my sister afterwards), there were many class reunions during the weekend where the alumni had returned to their Alma Mater to celebrate their years of attendance and also seeing the vision of the school continue through the current students. This year was also special as it was the coronation of the new university President.

Homecoming is coming home. Ok, so maybe college is not home…nor your high school, but when you are saying “homecoming,” it is the welcoming back notion. I have to admit though, when I was in college, my term for “coming home” literally meant calling Mom and saying, “I am coming home.” Home. My mind has been thinking about this word…I think I started when we took a little weekend road trip to Toledo.

After my mom remarried, we moved to Toledo. I was about a year and a half old or so. We moved to Colorado a few months after I turned six years old; my first memories of a “home” were from there. As we visited a few weeks ago, I realized that all my memories of Toledo were of places, such as the tunnel you walked through under the main road to get to the zoo; the Bob Evans we passed to get to our house; the house itself (I can still see the inside); the church we attended (but when we actually attended church I noted how much smaller the sanctuary was compared to my five-year old mind); MacQueens Produce Farm and a really awesome ice cream place by car lot (which I finally got the name: Jan’s.) I remember things like my classroom at school, getting red tokens for lunch when you wanted pizza, learning the alphabet, and being Mother Goose in the end of the school year play. I remember singing a Honey Tree song for church and playing in the turtle sandbox or eating orange pushups. But what I don’t place is people’s faces. I only remember them through pictures.

All that changed in Colorado. We moved in the summer, meaning I started a brand new school that Fall. The kids in my class were the peers I attended the rest of my school years with, graduating together and continuing to keep in touch here and there (thank you Facebook.) Home was no longer just things or places…it involved people from town, school and church. Home, physically, was the house…a place where I could be myself, protected from the world. In the bigger picture, Colorado was home. I still consider it home. It is my Alma Mater.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe God moved me here for a purpose…especially in the area concerning my health. I now have friends, live closer to my extended family, a “home” church I have attended since the move and many open doors for my paintings. So why doesn’t it feel like home? Time may play a part in it: we lived in Colorado for almost twenty years (seventeen to be exact). Whatever the cause, I think it fits into the season of the soul..this current road I travel, with thankfulness.

Home brings thoughts of heaven. As my body continues to decline, [yet I am still becoming all that God has planned for me in this life] there are times when I do honestly question God in aspect, “I don’t know how much more of this I can handle.” Maybe I am using thoughts of heaven as an easy way out of this worldly suffering. Heaven is joy…and I look forward to that Homecoming. There will be nothing like it in comparison. But here, in the now, I should not be praying centered around myself, but God. It is only then that this temporary home (my body) will find strength in thanksgiving, even in the suffering:

Man-centered prayers tend to ask, “How can God help me with my problems?” while God-centered prayers consider, “What is God doing in this? How can I join in God’s purposes here?” This changes not only what we pray for, but also the way we pray.

Tim Challies. “Persevere in Prayer.”

Philippians 4:4-7

~Mel 🙂

*http://www.challies.com/articles/persevere-in-prayer?utm_source=feedblitz&utm_medium=FeedBlitzEmail&utm_content=5575&utm_campaign=Four-hourly_2013-10-02+12%3a15

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September 28, 2013 · 10:15 pm

The End of September

I love this time of year. Over time, trees start turning their shades of orange, reds and yellows; the flavors pumpkin and apple spice fill the menus; the harvest of corn and soy beans continues to dry out, looking more like thick winter wheat; and farmer’s markets are filled with a variety of fresh squash, apples, different colored mums, cider, delicious goodies and canned products. It is only the end of September, but it feels like Thanksgiving Day could be tomorrow.

And why couldn’t it be? Thanksgiving Day shouldn’t be just one day for football, family and fancy feasts. Pure thanksgiving should flow through everything…like a next breath.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

These past few weeks, I have been trying to live in a full life of gratitude–replacing the focus off feeling guilty of being a burden to how I can bless those who bless me. I also have been trying to find thankfulness in my physical body. Let me tell you something, there are epic fail moments: Like this morning, frustrated at my hands I blurt out, “Ugh! Stupid hands!” Not a very thankful tone. And yet there are moments when I have an “awakening” thought…such as, “I can’t drive at the moment, but I am told by my MRI scans that I should not even be walking.” Perspective.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. ~Hebrews 12:28-29

I write on my posts about blessings; I talk about gratitude. And I am thankful…but I have been convicted in my heart about being prayerfully thankful–praying in thankfulness for needs met; the needs not met; the needs that God wants me to be fulfilling; the needs of family, friends and strangers; the need to show God’s love, mercy and grace; my need of a Savior.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ~Philippians 4:6

Prayer, thanksgiving, humbleness, pure of heart, compassion, confession, serving…like the Autumn, it brings in a bountiful harvest of new beginnings. As the season begins, I hope it continues until the last leaf has fallen and the first of Winter appears. “This fall, celebrate the goodness of God, and may the Lord give you gladness of heart.” ~Dr. David Jeremiah

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Favorite farmer’s market in Toledo.

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September 22, 2013 · 12:30 pm

Happy Autumn

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

~Nicole Nordeman, “Every Season”

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September 16, 2013 · 12:13 am

Central focus.

This weekend was beautiful. As I stepped out on the back patio, I could feel it. It was the start of Fall weather. I know it is not official until next Sunday, but the change seemed to shout out in the morning light, brisk air, and the first of colored tips in the leaves:

“A new season has arrived.”

I sat in a coffee shop last night with a friend. As our conversation flowed, I mentioned that I have been struggling with self-control (more priorities) of how I use my time. From the time I get out of bed, my days are usually pretty routine. Then these last two weeks, I seem to have lost that routineness. I seem to be all over the map of “to-do” lists of little details or projects needing attention, the weekly home visits by OT/PT, calling family on my new Cap Tel as I try to recapture the time of lost conversations, squeezing relaxing time in to read, or responding to emails which can take a bit of time. The end of the day comes and after all the business of accomplished things, I feel like I haven’t even left the dock. My focus meanders…

It is hard to discern what I need to be doing as I feel I fight against time of my declining body.

“I just don’t really know what to write about,” I say to my friend. Not that I am out if words or post ideas, but each day seems to bring about more change that I don’t know where to start. In the same manner, I see a parallel to my time studying the Word and in prayer: Unsure of the direction I am to take, as some doors have opened and others have closed.

I wrote last week about leaving room for “God Room.” It cannot hold nervousness leading to worry and doubt, but I let mine sneak in through the crack beneath the door. It distracts my focus, my desire of complete surrender…and I need to refocus on the promises that God is with me in every season: especially the ones that bring about change.

As Fall approaches, I anticipate its beauty. Shouldn’t I anticipate the same beauty within my own season of change?

God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3;11, NLT

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August 30, 2013 · 4:32 pm

When my actions eat my words…

A few weeks ago I made a short trip to the grocery store after church. Because the previous time I had fallen coming in the entrance when my right foot caught the corner of the rug, I came prepared that next trip by using my cane. I went along with my shopping–cane in one arm, basket in the other. When I filled my basket of fresh produce, I got in line to pay.  I am already slow at getting out my payment from my wallet but try not to get flustered at the line behind me; this particular day I was also trying to keep hold of my cane while paying.

At the last-minute or so, my cane falls to the floor. I had to firmly grasp the awkward paying counter ledge to maintain balance while bending over to try to grab the cane. As I regain balance and the cane, I come up to a standing position to see the lady in line behind me just watching. I say thank you to the cashier, grab my bag and head out to my car, replaying the scene over in my mind. I was so taken back that no one offered a helping hand. The polite gesture, in my mind, would have been to at least an offer to help–even if I was not using a cane, thus labeling me as “handicap”–it could be just offering help if I had dropped my purse and everything fell out. I dwelled on this event for a few days and told my doctors, “If I was the other person, I would have at least asked if they needed help.”

Today’s actions made me eat my words. Since my grandpa is visiting, we went to the state park for a picnic lunch then went to Young’s Jersey Dairy for ice cream. I was talking to Marcia on the way in the first door when I notice an elderly lady using a walker coming out the other double door. I even paused for a second to watch but she seemed to get to the exit door and from what I assumed could push it open. I should never assume these things; even with a cane it is awkward to get doors open–I can’t imagine using a walker in this case.

I get inside and turn around to see my Mom and Grandpa making their way to the other door. It is then that I get this sick-stomach-guilty feeling…I had just done the same to this lady as what had happened to me at the grocery store. I did not even offer a helping hand. I just paused, and turned away.

I should not dwell on my own misfortunes, but how I can help the misfortunes of others.

Jesus: “Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?”

He said, “The one who showed him mercy.”

And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”

Luke 10: 36-37

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August 23, 2013 · 3:03 pm

Deliciousness :)

At the beginning of summer, I had invited my friend over for a brunch. Because planning ahead is a personal forte, I made the menu days in advance and set out grocery shopping. I especially wanted to make banana bread, so I made sure I had all the ingredients on the recipe card from my grandma that I found in my mom’s cookbook.

Upon gathering the ingredients to get started baking, I realized I had forgotten the shortening. With my parents out of town,  I started to panic as I am not good with these mess-up-to-fix-with-different-ingredient kitchen professionals. So I just went to the computer. I figured someone else had been in the same situation. I was right.

I found this banana bread recipe on Simply Recipes (http://simplyrecipes.com). It is quite simple: no shortening, no problem!  You just replace it with butter instead. 🙂 I also added in some blueberries to the batch and once in the pan, I sprinkled (in very gracious quantity) nutmeg and cinnamon spices on the top before placing it in the oven. Simply DELICIOUS!

I just made another batch last night as I wanted it for a fast breakfast on the go, because Mom and I set out in the very early morning today for Children’s Hospital in Cincinnati for my MRI. Last night’s cooking experience was NOT as easy as the first time, due to the increased numbness and weakness in my hands; But the finished product was totally worth the huge mess I made in the kitchen otherwise. 🙂

Banana Bread

Prep time: 5 minutes (Not in my timing, but just what the recipe says, LOL)

Cook time: 1 hour

Ingredients

  • 3 or 4 ripe bananas, smashed
  • 1/3 cup melted butter
  • 1 cup sugar (can easily reduce to 3/4 cup)
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • *Blueberries: approx. 1 cup
  • *Optional: 1/4 Tsp Cinnamon; 1/8 Tsp Nutmeg; 1/4 cup crushed Walnuts

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Mix butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg, and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt (*and optional ingredients) over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. *Add in blueberries last. Pour mixture into a buttered 4×8 inch loaf pan. *Add cinnamon and nutmeg on top if desired. Bake for 1 hour. Cool on a rack. Remove from pan and slice to serve.

I mentioned to my interpreter this morning that I had baked this and she gave me the idea to serve with cream cheese. We just so happen to have whipped cream cheese in the refrigerator at the moment–I think I will try that on my next piece. 😀 Enjoy!

*I added in the blueberries and optional ingredients myself. It is not part of the original recipe:

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/banana_bread/

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August 16, 2013 · 4:46 pm

Baked Potato Dip

Thanks to my fabulous fellow blogger, Megan, from The Thread Affect–we just enjoyed this simple yet delicious dip for an afternoon snack. It was very easy to prepare..although I never purchase sour cream, so I had to ask a lady shopper yesterday where it was located. 🙂 I used the Oscar Mayer brand of “already cooked bacon” and cut it into small pieces. Lots of cheese, and I lucked out in getting to use scallions from my mom’s garden (YUM). Instead of potato chips, I had purchased Snack Factory’s Pretzel Crisps flavored “Everything.” What a combination for a light but delicious afternoon treat. 🙂

The Thread Affect's avatarThe Thread Affect

Baked_Potato_DipI kid you not, this dip tastes straight up like a loaded baked potato. Absolutely delicious and oh-so-easy! Perfect flavor to go with a backyard barbecue or to simply spice up your bland everyday potato chips.

BakedPotatoBaked Potato Dip:

16 ounces sour cream
16 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled OR the cheater way (i.e. my way) 2 2.5 oz bags pre-crumbled real bacon pieces
8 ounces cheddar cheese, shredded (2 cups)
1/3 cup thinly sliced scallions or chives

Combine all ingredients in a medium bowl and refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving to allow the flavors to meld together. Garnish with extra shredded cheese, crumbled bacon, and chopped chives. Serve with your favorite potato chips.

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July 12, 2013 · 3:34 pm

A Fresh Look

I don’t know if this is something hairdressers learn in their training schools, but how they can take a woman who comes in the hair salon looking like she just got out of bed (which I practically did) and have her leave feeling completely fresh is beyond me. This was my morning.

I woke around 8am. To get my day started, I did my physical therapy exercises and then planned to read a little over breakfast. The latter never happened. Mom found me asleep on my exercise mat at 9:15am…late for my chemo dose, I scramble to the kitchen and take my medicines, cram in a bowl of cereal, fill my Tervis of coffee and then head out the door. I get in the car and state, “I think chemo is making me more tired.” I think it is true.

My body changing quickly over the past few weeks has set me in a place where I have been going through insecurities about my physical state, especially the beauty aspect of it. It is easy to hear, “You are beautiful!”, but look in the mirror and see the opposite. Lies also wear you down…they make you tired. I was at this point a few evenings ago. After dinner, I decided to devote my evening just to reading with a cup of peppermint tea to help my sickly-stomach feeling. A few chapters later in my book, I come across this verse:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

I went to my bathroom mirror and excitedly wrote the verse with a purple dry erase marker. The verse does not say, “You are beautiful!”, but I think it is implied. Choosing to believe it is now like a fresh look at the day…will I leave empty or satisfied?

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July 8, 2013 · 8:08 pm

I am Protected

I am noticing the more my right hand progresses in numbness and the left in shakiness, the more clumsy I am getting. I constantly drop things like pens or silverware I am holding. Today I could not get a grip on the permanent marker I was attempting to write with and after a neat little hand stunt of marker flinging in circular motions, it landed on the table. I just had to laugh.

About an hour later, I am downstairs setting up my paints and canvas to finish a large painting that has been sitting in the basement half-finished for almost a year. (Yes, believe it.) My phone was in my pocket and I took it out to set it on the stool. I lost grip of it and it crashed to the cement floor. But it was protected…

When my Dad and I set out in February to seek a new phone for my upgrade, I had two options that were not flat Smart phone style with the touch screen. I can’t hold those, let alone use the touch screen with my fingers (especially now – even using the mouse pad on my laptop is getting extremely difficult.) I reasoned even then that sticking with the old-fashioned flip phone was the best choice. Because I drop my phone so often, Dad suggested getting a hard protection cover. Brilliant suggestion; the cement in the basement was no match for my phone cover!

Then I began to paint. Because I was painting a tall canvas, I knew that when I reached the bottom I would not be able to bend over and paint the way that I intended. I tried different ways to set it up, but ended with laying it flat on the table and working from the sides.

My sister had given me an apron specific for painters at Christmas. I always wear old clothes when painting and usually the apron. I forgot the apron today and with working from the sides of the painting, I started to get a fancy blue lined paint pattern on my shorts. Then I noticed my right hand had smeared in the paint on the board and left a huge print where there was not supposed to be any blueish-green color. Frustrated, but figuring it was a more abstract style of a painting anyway, I fixed it.

My thoughts have been on protection today. Maybe it started after yesterday’s experience of coming within about ten feet of hitting a deer about a quarter-mile from my house. Or last night when I came out of my room to get more water, I lost balance right next to the sofa and came within inches of hitting my head on the coffee table. Marcia and Mom were already in bed.

It is in these small moments, even to the monstrous health problems, that I see God’s protection. I am protected. There are still days to come but with this truth, I am living with an extra dose of gratitude.

Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. Psalm 91:14

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