I forgot what it was like to enjoy the simple blessings of being a morning person:
Until today; I was up at the awakening dawn.
I pull back the darkened shades in my room.
The sky smiled as it stretched wide arms of light.
“Good morning!” it shouted with radiance.
Pictures are never justice to the moment.
So I stood out on the patio in full wonder of the beauty.
Back inside, I filled my cup with coffee.
I squinted as the sun gleamed in transparent window glass.
“Good morning!” I reply.
Your love, oh Lord
Reaches to the heavens
Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
Psalm 36:5 NIV
I don’t know if this is something hairdressers learn in their training schools, but how they can take a woman who comes in the hair salon looking like she just got out of bed (which I practically did) and have her leave feeling completely fresh is beyond me. This was my morning.
I woke around 8am. To get my day started, I did my physical therapy exercises and then planned to read a little over breakfast. The latter never happened. Mom found me asleep on my exercise mat at 9:15am…late for my chemo dose, I scramble to the kitchen and take my medicines, cram in a bowl of cereal, fill my Tervis of coffee and then head out the door. I get in the car and state, “I think chemo is making me more tired.” I think it is true.
My body changing quickly over the past few weeks has set me in a place where I have been going through insecurities about my physical state, especially the beauty aspect of it. It is easy to hear, “You are beautiful!”, but look in the mirror and see the opposite. Lies also wear you down…they make you tired. I was at this point a few evenings ago. After dinner, I decided to devote my evening just to reading with a cup of peppermint tea to help my sickly-stomach feeling. A few chapters later in my book, I come across this verse:
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
I went to my bathroom mirror and excitedly wrote the verse with a purple dry erase marker. The verse does not say, “You are beautiful!”, but I think it is implied. Choosing to believe it is now like a fresh look at the day…will I leave empty or satisfied?