Category Archives: Random

August 26, 2013 · 10:47 pm

Looking Upward

Over the weekend, I finally accomplished putting into chronological order and placing my college to present pictures in photo albums. It brought back many great memories. As I sorted, I found these pictures that made me laugh at the memory of the evening:

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During my years living in the Denver area, I lived in a neighborhood called Bel Mar. On the corner of Wadsworth and Alameda, this was the rising place for living and shopping. The Target I was employed at was about fifteen minutes from Bel Mar…connected to a flat mall that had an indoor mile track that ran its course around the stores. I enjoyed a mile walk on my lunch breaks. I think every mall should be modeled after that one.

Even though there were a few Target stores in the area, Bel Mar also built one a few months before I moved. It was one of the “new city” model styles where the parking garage was underneath on the “first floor,” making the actual retail store on the second floor, all of course equipped with escalators, a stairway, and an elevator. I opted for the escalators.

Mom came to Denver every other week to help me on my chemo weekends. After the grand opening of Target (we had watched it being built over time), I wanted to show her the inside of the new Target. Up until this point, I had only been in a few times, because it was more convenient for me just to get my needs and groceries from my Super Target rather than stop at another one on the way home. But with Mom, we had grabbed a few groceries and as we left, I made a discovery: they even had an escalator for your carts!!! I was laughing so hard, Mom was afraid I would fall down our own escalator. 🙂

Currently, I have recently developed a phobia of walking down the stairs. Going up the stairs is not a problem; just coming down. Too many falls in the past few months has triggered this phobia, but I can’t say that I had really classified it as a fear up until a few weeks ago when I mentioned it to a friend. Now I am not even sure if it is just the stairs I fear falling–I think it is falling in general.

With my balance continuing to worsen, I have now restarted Physical Therapy, but it takes place here at my house. Due to the decline of function in my hands (especially the right hand), I will also be starting soon some sessions of Occupational Therapy. The reason for having the sessions here at home is to help me with my everyday living. For example, because I started my first PT session last week, we did a huge overview of my current conditions and discussed the areas in which I need assistance. Most of my current frustrations deal in the realm of OT, but balance was a major issue for me in PT. She gave me a suggestion for going down the stairs sideways, but to be honest, it doesn’t make me feel any better about the decline. As for right now we are mainly focusing on extra balancing exercises to accompany the PT strengthening exercises I have been doing already.

To access my current conditions, my therapist had me perform some “strength and mobility” tests. I can only stand on one foot for a mere one or two seconds…and standing with one foot in front of the other depends on which foot is placed first. Considering I have had two blood clots in my left leg, don’t be surprised to hear that it is my stronger leg. I think it always has been to be honest. When we lived in Colorado, I did get the chance to learn how to snowboard before my balance would no longer permit the activity. My Dad insisted that my sister and I take a half day of lessons before we just went out on our own. At the rental shop, when deciphering which foot you will put forward on the board, the rental personal did a little test. He had me turn around and gave me a slight nudge. I put my left foot forward first. He said, “You’re a regular foot.” (A right foot is called a goofy foot.) I think if anyone gave me a little nudge today, I would just fall over.

I am seeing the reality that my balance and falling will worsen. I have no control over it. There are days when I am to the point of tears at my balance. Other days, I find humor in it. I think it parallels the balance of life: days when strength is strong and days when strength is weak…in both I need to keep looking upwards, knowing when I fall, He still stands.

I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Psalm 121: 1-2 ESV

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August 23, 2013 · 3:03 pm

Deliciousness :)

At the beginning of summer, I had invited my friend over for a brunch. Because planning ahead is a personal forte, I made the menu days in advance and set out grocery shopping. I especially wanted to make banana bread, so I made sure I had all the ingredients on the recipe card from my grandma that I found in my mom’s cookbook.

Upon gathering the ingredients to get started baking, I realized I had forgotten the shortening. With my parents out of town,  I started to panic as I am not good with these mess-up-to-fix-with-different-ingredient kitchen professionals. So I just went to the computer. I figured someone else had been in the same situation. I was right.

I found this banana bread recipe on Simply Recipes (http://simplyrecipes.com). It is quite simple: no shortening, no problem!  You just replace it with butter instead. 🙂 I also added in some blueberries to the batch and once in the pan, I sprinkled (in very gracious quantity) nutmeg and cinnamon spices on the top before placing it in the oven. Simply DELICIOUS!

I just made another batch last night as I wanted it for a fast breakfast on the go, because Mom and I set out in the very early morning today for Children’s Hospital in Cincinnati for my MRI. Last night’s cooking experience was NOT as easy as the first time, due to the increased numbness and weakness in my hands; But the finished product was totally worth the huge mess I made in the kitchen otherwise. 🙂

Banana Bread

Prep time: 5 minutes (Not in my timing, but just what the recipe says, LOL)

Cook time: 1 hour

Ingredients

  • 3 or 4 ripe bananas, smashed
  • 1/3 cup melted butter
  • 1 cup sugar (can easily reduce to 3/4 cup)
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1 1/2 cups of all-purpose flour
  • *Blueberries: approx. 1 cup
  • *Optional: 1/4 Tsp Cinnamon; 1/8 Tsp Nutmeg; 1/4 cup crushed Walnuts

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Mix butter into the mashed bananas in a large mixing bowl. Mix in the sugar, egg, and vanilla. Sprinkle the baking soda and salt (*and optional ingredients) over the mixture and mix in. Add the flour last, mix. *Add in blueberries last. Pour mixture into a buttered 4×8 inch loaf pan. *Add cinnamon and nutmeg on top if desired. Bake for 1 hour. Cool on a rack. Remove from pan and slice to serve.

I mentioned to my interpreter this morning that I had baked this and she gave me the idea to serve with cream cheese. We just so happen to have whipped cream cheese in the refrigerator at the moment–I think I will try that on my next piece. 😀 Enjoy!

*I added in the blueberries and optional ingredients myself. It is not part of the original recipe:

http://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/banana_bread/

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August 14, 2013 · 9:09 pm

A cup of tea

Mr. Tumnus: “Daughter of Eve from the far land of Spare Oom where eternal summer reigns around the bright city of War Drobe, how would it be if you came and had tea with me?”

“Thank you very much, Mr. Tumnus,” said Lucy. “But I was wondering whether I ought to be getting back.”

“It’s only just around the corner,” said the Faun, “and there’ll be a roaring fire–and toast–and sardines–and cake.”

C. S. Lewis. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Great Britain: (Geoffrey Bles, 1950.) pg. 116.

I think Mr. Tumnus was on to something: tea is best when shared with a friend (or a way to make new friends); tea is always better served like a tea party (although I question his choice of sardine refreshments); and tea no matter what time of the year it is…is tea, and can be fully enjoyed whether on a sunny day or in the winter chill by a roaring fire. (In my opinion, rainy days make great tea days.)

The concept of tea started for me at an early age. We sisters would sometimes have tea parties. My older sister had a tea set and Mom would serve tea (apple juice) with refreshments (usually graham crackers.) Tea time was serious excitement.

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Melissa and I

tea0002 Megan

After the apple juice excitement faded, tea was non-existent in my youth–although I applaud my Mom’s efforts in having us try herbal tea. “Add some honey.” Even honey was not sufficient. I never touched tea again until college. Then everything changed. Tea is now a hobby.

Socially, I don’t throw tea parties but I have thought about it a few times. Back at my birthday, being in the south where the best tea resides, my parents gave me a book on tea party history and etiquette. It is fascinating. Books and tea, what could be better?

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You don’t necessarily need a tea party to share with friends. Over the past few weeks, I have been given in gracious amounts–tea–resulting in the enjoyment of a few cups during the day. I have been given teas that I have never tried or even heard of in flavor. Once again, excitement resides!–because as far as tea goes, I usually stick with flavors I know or ones that help my stomach (such as peppermint or Bigelow’s Lemon Ginger Plus). But now that new flavors are being given to me as gifts to try, my knowledge of tea choices is expanding and in turn I share the new favorites with my family or other friends.

In order to give, we must also receive.

In life, we have been given a divine invitation…more than just a tea party, the invitation is for eternity, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” ~John 3:16.

The gift has been freely given–freely receive.

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July 12, 2013 · 3:34 pm

A Fresh Look

I don’t know if this is something hairdressers learn in their training schools, but how they can take a woman who comes in the hair salon looking like she just got out of bed (which I practically did) and have her leave feeling completely fresh is beyond me. This was my morning.

I woke around 8am. To get my day started, I did my physical therapy exercises and then planned to read a little over breakfast. The latter never happened. Mom found me asleep on my exercise mat at 9:15am…late for my chemo dose, I scramble to the kitchen and take my medicines, cram in a bowl of cereal, fill my Tervis of coffee and then head out the door. I get in the car and state, “I think chemo is making me more tired.” I think it is true.

My body changing quickly over the past few weeks has set me in a place where I have been going through insecurities about my physical state, especially the beauty aspect of it. It is easy to hear, “You are beautiful!”, but look in the mirror and see the opposite. Lies also wear you down…they make you tired. I was at this point a few evenings ago. After dinner, I decided to devote my evening just to reading with a cup of peppermint tea to help my sickly-stomach feeling. A few chapters later in my book, I come across this verse:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

I went to my bathroom mirror and excitedly wrote the verse with a purple dry erase marker. The verse does not say, “You are beautiful!”, but I think it is implied. Choosing to believe it is now like a fresh look at the day…will I leave empty or satisfied?

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June 21, 2013 · 12:44 am

Thursday’s Terrible Tumble

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

I wouldn’t call it ironic, but yes, I did read this passage of Scripture in the early morning hours with my cup of coffee.

The day seemed to start so typical in routine. Awake by 7am-ish, make a cup of coffee, feed Muffy breakfast, watch a deer eat the farmer’s soy beans, eat my own breakfast and morning readings. This morning, my intent was to get to the gym for an exercise before coming home to finish a few lingering projects. I should stop planning my days.

I leave a note for my sister that I headed to the gym with a salutation, “Be back soon, xo.” I had used the bike yesterday, so today I wanted to walk two miles in preparation for Sunday’s NF Walk in Cincinnati in corporation with raising awareness and funds for research with the Children’s Tumor Foundation. We have known about this for months, but I was not fully interested in taking part of the event until I participated in the Miami Valley Women’s Center, “Walk 4 Life,” in May. Shortly after this, I emailed my family to see if they were interested still in the idea, as I would only be I interested if someone walked with me. I would not walk again by myself. Although my parents would be out-of-town that day, my sisters committed to the walk.

So, taking my momentum of excitement to the gym, I decide I can walk the two miles better in a straight line than 16 times in a circle around the indoor track. I go for a treadmill. My thoughts betrayed me.

I was doing just fine. I actually have no idea what went wrong. I am a symmetric person (the accountant in me to balance like an equation), and when I exercise it is no different. I warm up for five minutes then do a faster walk for ten or twenty minutes then cool down for five minutes. I was walking slower than an average person’s stride for the first five minutes, clutching the handle with both hands. I barely notch up the speed to get my legs moving and I don’t even think it was but a few minutes later that I just came down.

It was slow motion: my nose planted in the middle of the handle bar and I try to pick myself up and regain balance but then my feet just buckle from underneath me and down I go…hitting my mouth on the way while belly flopping on the moving tack. I very ungracefully glide off and somehow landed on the floor sitting up cross-legged. I had lost my glasses on the way down so I can’t see and hold my nose and say, “Ow. That hurt.” Then I realize I am bleeding from my nose and considering my fall plus blood thinner pills–well, the equation was very messy and did not balance.

Within seconds I had at least from what I remember, four people at my side. One gave me towels for my nose, another had my glasses and two finally helped me to my feet when I was ready. The lady there helped me to the bathroom to wash my hands and arms and then when I was a bit clean (still bloody nose), I sat out at the tables and they did paperwork. They were very concerned and helped me call my sister (we woke her up) and she came to pick me up.

The rest of the day goes from there…while I sit on the couch with ice on my already blackish-blue nose, Marcia is making all the necessary phone calls in order to figure out what to do next. My doctors at Children’s wanted a CAT scan of the nose and neck to ensure nothing was broken but most importantly the bleeding factor, even though I was not showing any signs of something drastic. We ended up leaving twenty minutes later for the ER and spent the next few hours there. Thankfully, my nose is not broken and nothing wrong otherwise but a low INR count.

The point of my story is not necessarily my poor decision to decide to walk on a treadmill with weak legs and ankles (and not attaching the safety stop clip to myself either), but that I would have not made it through the day without the kindness and help from those around me or those on the other end of the phone with my sister. Even if I did not have NF2, I still believe that after a tumble like that, I would have required a helping hand.

This is why I am excited to be part of the NF Walk on Sunday–because I can be a helping hand in bringing hope to others just as others have done for me.

We can’t do everything, but can we do anything more valuable than invest ourselves in another? Elisabeth Elliot

For more information:

My team, “We walk with Mel!”:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1044487&supId=373310036

NF Walk in Cincinnati: http://ctf.kintera.org/faf/home/default.asp?ievent=1044487&lis=1&kntae1044487=AC40628269E94A3193B4E32ACD2CA733

The Children’s Tumor Foundation: http://www.ctf.org/

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June 16, 2013 · 8:25 pm

Car Lessons 101

Most of What I learned about cars, I learned from my Dad. He taught me how to change a flat tire and explained the importance of having your tires rotated and how to check my oil. He taught me how to drive in the mountains, merge into traffic on a freeway, fill my gas tank at the pump and explained insurance details tucked away in the glove compartment. On the day I bought my own car, Dad was with me (as well as Mom) to make sure the fair prices were being put on the table before I signed the paperwork. On the way back to my apartment, he even bought me new needed windshield wipers and showed me how to replace them. 🙂

Both Dad and I like cars: he likes to work on them and take pictures at old car shows. I just like to drive my car or ride along in any other…given (1) I am in the passenger seat and can make conversation or (2) I am in the backseat and can read. Road trips have special memories, especially the trips we took when I was a kid. Because I did not get car sick, me and my oldest sister were sentenced to the very back seats of the suburban which entitled us to no leg room and getting snacks whenever someone up front was hungry. We had no windows that opened, so our view was always tinted and when the windows from up front were open, we got all the air (which got annoying and cold quite fast!) The speakers for the music were all the way by the back door, so I was constantly asking for the music to be turned up…then Dad would jam to his oldies (which I did not have an appreciation f0r at the time) and I would reverse my request for the music to be turned down. Eventually, Mom would just turn off the music and say we should just talk with no music.

So today Dad, I thought of you when I found this picture:

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I don’t know if it was our first family trip to the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs, but I do know that this was the first picture I ever took and you just happen to be the one posing (actually I remember asking to take your picture). Today I won’t ask you to turn down the music, but might just find myself singing along. Happy Father’s Day!

I was lost and blind then a friend of mine
Came and took me by the hand.
And he led me to his kingdom
That was in another land.
Now my life is changed, it’s rearranged
When I think of my past I feel so strange.
Wowie, zowie, well He saved my soul.
He’s the rock that doesn’t roll.
—
He’s the rock that doesn’t roll.
He’s the rock that doesn’t roll.
He’s good for the body and great for the soul.
He’s the rock that doesn’t roll.
—
I was all alone like a rolling stone,
I was going nowhere fast.
I was on the road so far from home
When the future touched my past.
Now I feel so blessed ’cause He gave me a rest
And I finally feel like I’ve passed the test.
I wanna be like Him, yes that’s my goal
Like a rock that doesn’t roll
Larry Norman. “The Rock that Doesn’t Roll.” In Another Land. Solid Rock Records: 1975, 1993.

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June 11, 2013 · 11:57 pm

Being a Kid…

When we sisters were little, we liked to pretend–anything from making “houses” out of oversized cardboard boxes to playing in make-shift tents out of blankets between our beds or chairs from the kitchen. We also loved to play “spy” in which we would draw maps of our house and set out a course to spy on people in various rooms…which usually was just my Mom in the kitchen who would pretend not to see us. Yes, countless hours of sister fun (and the bickering that seems inevitable in the equation.)

One thing we did occasionally was pretend to sign when entering the grocery store. We would decide before-hand as we exited the car who would be “deaf.” Coming from a small farm town in which everyone knows everyone, this probably seemed like comedy to the onlookers at the store, because everyone knew we were a hearing family..but being a kid that thought never crossed my mind.

My experience with knowing about sign language came at an early age. In the second grade, there was a girl who was Deaf in the classroom next to ours. We often joined classes together for games, crafts, or different lessons so I first saw an interpreter at that time. Not knowing any signs, I would at least try to communicate to the girl at recess by making up motions and pointing to the merry-go-round to see if she wanted to play. If yes, then a smile and the sign for “yes” or a nod of the head and if no, then she would sign to me then just point where she wanted to play. She left after that year to attend the School for the Blind and Deaf. But it was the beginning of sign language for me.

I leaned how to sign “The Pledge of Allegiance” in elementary school, but signing otherwise did not take great interest in me until my oldest sister came back from her junior high church camp and taught me how to sign “Shout to the Lord.” The first summer church camp I attended as a “going into the 7th grade” camper had different afternoon sessions you could choose for activities. I am not entirely sure (ok, NOT SURE AT ALL) where I thought the idea of playing dodge ball would be a great opportunity for fun…because as it turned out, I was the only girl (go figure). I could have done the sign language session–what a poor decision on my part–however, I did have a tiny bit of fun at dodgeball. I just made it a point to get hit, then did nothing until the next game started. Great strategy! And this did not stop me from learning the sign language song either–since all my friends had taken that session and practiced the entire way home, I picked up on it really fast. That was the year I learned Mercy Me’s hit, “I Can Only Imagine.”

It was my freshman year of high school that I desired to learn more sign language. Switching church camps meant there was no longer any formal instruction for learning songs, so I set out to do it on my own. One of the leaders for our youth group was majoring in ASL, so she helped me get a used textbook from the college bookstore. Best $20 ever spent. The dictionary is massive…I still own it. I did acquire another book later in high school and refer to that book most often. (And just for the record–library book sales can be a source of hidden treasures. Yep, believe it–but I just attained my final sign language dictionary for 50 cents!!!)

My signing story is most likely familiar from this point on in life–high school enabled me to be part of leading worship at church whether in the praise band playing bass guitar or signing songs. I took a community ASL class with my Dad and in college I took an ASL 1 course the summer before I started using interpreters full-time at school.

One part of my past history with signing that always brought me great joy was leading the “Sing and Play” at Vacation Bible School. This beginning part of the kids time at VBS was where we sang songs, introduce the Bible buddy/point of the day and perform a little skit. (My sister and I did an epic skit of a horse stampede in which she ran on stage to save me, using that “save a person action” like the movies or commercials…where you run in at full speed and push the person over to safety at the same time you are holding them. We had the kids on the edge of their seats. 🙂 Favorite VBS memory!)

I knew it would be my last year leading this part of VBS, because (1) the next summer I had plans that I would move to Denver with roommates to work and finish school and (2) I could no longer follow words with songs. I have not helped with a VBS since then until this year, although I did volunteer with a kids ministry in Downtown Denver until the move to OH. In early May, when my church announced this year’s VBS dates, I signed up to help serve in the kitchen. I figured this was easiest to help. I knew I would not be a crew leader, due to the fact I can’t hear and my physical body is not in the best condition. In the few days before, plans changed and I was all set to help in the pre-school as a helper for a crew leader. I was told I would just be an extra set of eyes. Seemed reasonable and something I could do.

My group learned a few valuable lessons the first day which has made the past two days since then flow more smoothly:

Mel does not sit on the floor as she can’t stand up without assistance or somewhat falling over; I now am entitled to a chair. 🙂

Mel is not good at holding onto her snacks–if they fall on the cement then it is not edible (today it was my whole bowl of trail mix).

Mel’s crew leader used to be an interpreter and signs everything…which meant the first day, all the five groups in our specific pre-school animal category were exposed to sign language/interpreter action. For my own group, lots of questions were asked…being a kid, they are curious, but the moment they know the answer to “Why?”, life goes on. Sweet days of innocence.

As for me, I got home and wondered what I was thinking when I said yes to helping in pre-school!?! I felt out-of-place, as well as a huge distraction, because I needed extra help and attention. I finally came to the conclusion that I am not a distraction but an opportunity for these kids to see that we are all made different and that we can help each other. VBS week is nearing an end and I know this is the last of my days working with children, but I cherish them because the eyes of a five-year old don’t see a helper with physical problems–they see Mel. And it leaves me with a longing to be like a kid again…

Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to Me; do not get in their way. For the kingdom of heaven belongs to children like these.”

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May 28, 2013 · 8:30 pm

“Awaiting a Cup of Coffee” and other ramblings…

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It’s like waiting for a cup of coffee.

And while I feel like I sit around waiting for the brew button to shut off, I am finding that the cup of coffee comes with preparation. I wake in the morning and come to the kitchen. Lights turn on and the cupboard to the stash opens. I place in the filter and measure the fine grind coffee, often adding an extra pinch for a strong cup. I add water, push the start button and watch the coffee begin. The smell enters my nose. I get excited as I pull out a mug, the creamers, the spoon to stir. Then I wait.

Most days, I feel like I too am just sitting around waiting for the signal to turn off so I can grab my cup and go. Do something meaningful, something big. But God is showing me that while I wait for His timing on a job, there is work to do. There is preparation. I need to let go of my expectations, impatience, doubts that form in my limitations.

Then it happened. This morning the light came on and the door to my heart opened. I filtered my thoughts and measured the cost of saying “Yes, I will wait for the Lord.”  I added in His promises and watched the day begin. And in seeking Him, the sweet aroma of peace started to fill my body.

And I wait.

Psalm 40:1-5, 16-17 ESV

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David.

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie! You have multiplied, O Lord my God, your wondrous deeds and your thoughts toward us; none can compare with you! I will proclaim and tell of them, yet they are more than can be told…

But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation say continually, “Great is the Lord!” As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

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May 24, 2013 · 11:00 pm

Painting thru Psalm 19

Psalm 19

For the worship leader. A song of David.

The celestial realms announce God’s glory; the skies testify of His hands’ great work. Each day pours out more of their sayings; each night, more to hear and more to learn. Inaudible words are their manner of speech, and silence, their means to convey. Yet from here to the ends of the earth, their voices have gone out; the whole world can hear what they say.

DSCN2039 Silver Moonlight. 8×10

God stretched out in these heavens a tent for the sun; And the sun is like a groom who, after leaving his room, arrives at the wedding in splendor; He is the strong runner who, favored to win in his race, is eager to face his challenge. He rises at one end of the skies and runs in an arc overhead; nothing can hide from his heat, from the swelter of his daily tread.

DSCN1901 Morning Light Praises. 10×10

The Eternal’s law is perfect, turning lives around. His words are reliable and true, instilling wisdom to open minds. The Eternal’s directions are correct, giving satisfaction to the heart. God’s commandments are clear, lending clarity to the eyes. The awe of the Eternal is clean, sustaining for all of eternity. The Eternal’s decisions are sound; they are right through and through. They are worth more than gold—even more than abundant, pure gold. They are sweeter to the tongue than honey or the drippings of the honeycomb.

DSCN2009 Ripples on the Ocean Floor. 12×12

In addition to all that has been said, Your servant will find, hidden in Your commandments, both a strong warning and a great reward for keeping them. Who could possibly know all that he has done wrong? Forgive my hidden and unknown faults. As I am Your servant, protect me from my bent toward pride, and keep sin from ruling my life. If You do this, I will be without blame, innocent of the great breach.

DSCN1842 Untitled. 8×10

May the words that come out of my mouth and the musings of my heart meet with Your gracious approval, O Eternal, my Rock, O Eternal, my Redeemer.

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May 20, 2013 · 4:55 pm

Two Ways to Exercise

This morning, my exercise routine was vastly different from what I participated in on Saturday morning: this morning was the gym; Saturday was a two-mile Fun Walk through Xenia to support the Miami Valley Women’s Center. Two ways to exercise–two ways to view life.

I have taken up exercising at the gym here in town. It’s indoor track is smooth with lanes so I can practice walking in a straighter line than what I do on the bike path. There is too much freedom on the bike path; I wobble uncontrollably all over the path. It is not only is frustrating for myself, but I am sure for the bikers or rollerbladers who are coming up behind me, ready to fly past. Thus, I can, but I resolved not to, walk the bike path alone.

And even when I do walk the bike path with someone, I take my walking sticks that I termed, “rod and staff” (Psalm 23:4). Who would have known that these trusty metal sticks would be the extra pair of legs that I need most often when I walk outdoors? They traveled all throughout Greece, hiked mountains in Colorado and now trod flat bike paths, occasional treks through our 3-acres of grass in the early morning or through town on the rough terrain otherwise known as the sidewalk. You can see why I have decided to take up the gym…it is conveniently safe, air-conditioned, and a time of socialness with the senior citizens of town.

At the gym, I usually walk around the indoor track–maybe a half mile or so–then use the stationary bike. It is like multitasking. I bike and read at the same time! In fact, I think I get more exercise this way, because I get lost in my book that I forget to check how long or how many miles I have been pedaling. I have also taken to the bike, because my left leg is now numb. Not that it affects anything other than just feeling like “muscle stiffness,” but being on the bike gives my ankles a rest: It gives my right ankle a rest from twisting and it gives my left leg a rest from taking the weight that the right ankle should carry on its own. The bike gives my back a rest from the “S” posture that the tumors are causing; and it gives my neck a break from tirelessly trying to hold itself in an upright position. When I bike, I rest.

Contrast to Saturday. It was hot, humid and threatening to rain. I was up early so I could eat a solid breakfast and grab a cup of coffee before heading out. I made sure I had everything (like my own little First Aid kit)–rod and staff, an apple, a SoBe Life water, my baseball hat, band aids, my registration papers and pledge money, and a tiny wallet with medical information papers/driver’s license. All checked and ready to go! I get to the Women’s Center in plenty of time to park, get in and out of the registration before lines start piling up and grab a cup of orange juice while making casual conversation with the volunteer at the table. I was excited. I had only ever been on committees to coordinate events like this or volunteered otherwise at the big 5k events.

I did not know what to expect really. All I knew is that I was determined to walk the full two miles. That might sound ridiculous (it is only two miles!), but considering two nights prior I could hardly walk a mile on the bike path with my parents as my neck was causing me so much strain, standing upright hurt to almost breathe…I literally strained everything on my rod and staff to make it back to the car. Good workout and I fell asleep fast that night when I got in bed, but I quickly reminded myself that there was a reason why I exercised in the morning rather than the evening: my body has more energy, better posture, better mental determination. I have to admit, I like being a morning person. 🙂

I get nervous when I walk around a crowd with my rod and staff. They help me maintain my balance, but they sometimes cause problems. Luckily, I did not trip anyone as we got started, but I did accidentally hit a lady’s ankle from behind…must have felt like a shopping cart hitting your ankle sort of feeling. I felt horrible. She did not turn around but I called out a sincere apology anyway. We get going around the first block and my mind is already thinking that they are going to take us to the bike path and then we follow a trail there and then turn and come back. I mean, after all, with all these kids and baby carriages that would be the safest route.

Nope. We end up trekking through the busiest streets of town on the roughest sidewalks–past McDonald’s, Taco Bell and Wendy’s drive-thru intersections and more. This was NOT what I was expecting. We get about a mile down and I am walking by myself, which I enjoyed. The “trail” was only marked by little signs that had arrows, but I could see the walkers in front of me by a few hundred feet so I was not lagging too far behind. A small family caught up with me by the time I rounded the main intersection in town. We exchanged a few words and they continued on after I stopped to use the restroom.

When I came out, there was a large group of families with baby strollers making their way back so I joined, but found myself feeling like my rod and staff and wavering balance were getting in the way so I passed and walked a bit quicker to the next light where I ended up having to wait to cross the street. A different group caught up with me at this point and when the light said we could go, I was in the front. I started to feel pressure–I am not claustrophobic but when people follow me, I feel their eyes watching my ankles and I get nervous…which I am sure is all just in my head, but as I get up to the next curb not only do I feel this nervousness, but also the sidewalk is now slanted to the right (Why? I have no clue!) I tried to regain my balance as I felt myself starting to shift downwards but ended up landing gracefully in the bush instead. I tried to get myself up, but was having a hard time with my rod and staff flying in different directions and the slanted sidewalk. I feel a hand grasp my left elbow which helps me get up. I give a big thanks then add, “At least I fell in the bush”–while thinking it was genius that I had packed those band aids just in case I had a worse fall.

The last quarter-mile was this uphill, slanted, cracked sidewalk journey that made me start to wish that I was just done. That is when I decided to think of other things. I thought of how some days in life seemed like this walk–full of dangers at the intersections, rough terrains, heat and sweat like trials and tears–not like my safe, air-conditioned gym. I don’t know why the two miles caused my body to react all weekend in the way that it did, but I do know that crossing the finish line seemed victorious; my apple on the way home seemed sweeter; my Saturday afternoon of reading with my feet propped up seemed more relaxing; and my nap yesterday afternoon was a deep satisfying sleep.

I will still exercise in the gym, but I now have a greater appreciation for what it provides. Just as in life–there will be pain, but it will give me a greater appreciation for the days I have been given rest; there will be tears, but it will give me a greater appreciation for the days I have been given joy; there will be days when I fall down, but it will give me a greater appreciation for when I have been given the grace to stand back up on my feet.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed. (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)

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