Category Archives: Paintings

August 12, 2013 · 11:39 pm

Recap: Art on the Lawn Festival

Hi everyone. 🙂

Can I just say for a Monday, today was good! I read Psalm 23 this morning in my study of finding the phrase “steadfast love” within the Psalms. Psalm 23:6 says, “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” I never took note of this before, but today I read the numerical at the bottom reference to the word “mercy.” It says, “Or steadfast love.” So I noted the verse in my notebook.

I found Psalm 23 exactly what I needed to read after getting through the rest of last week and the weekend. God’s mercy and goodness was evident, but I cannot say that I held on to the steadfast love in all areas like I should have–instead I chose to cling on fear to a few health related issues…forgetting the peace and calmness of the still waters; forgetting how He restores the soul.

I am entirely grateful to my family who put up with my frazzled grumpiness and helped me immensely in the preparation (writing the price tags, putting in the thumbtacks and twine on the back of the paintings for hanging), set up/take down of my booth on Saturday and stayed all day with me at the festival. I could not have done this without them!!

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I will say though that overall I was better prepared this year than past year, including getting a better nights sleep. It is interesting to see the difference one year can make, even within my painting style. As Mom and I were pricing on Thursday, I took note of my work: focused on smaller paintings, more abstract and ones with media. I stretched myself last year in my paintings to paint detail and broad themes; some of my best work is from last summer.

But over the year much has changed and I can see the paintings this year represent my style of what I am comfortable with and best at painting–a more relaxed approach yet detailed in its creativity. I would be lying to say that I don’t miss details, because I do. But sometimes even painting my “Mel” at the bottom corner is enough detail for me. I am just thankful that I can still paint!

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So how was the art show? Fantastic! It was a LONG day…I could have gone for a second round of coffee, but the day could not have been better. We were blessed with beautiful weather and my booth sat right in front of a huge tree, which offered pleasant shade in the afternoon. In conversation, I did fairly well. It is hard for me, because I talk more than I listen just because I can’t hear…but as time went on, I felt more relaxed–enjoying watching people point to paintings they liked and meeting people or talking with the friends who came to my booth too. At the end of the day, I survived staying awake through dinner but then fell asleep on the drive home (last year I fell asleep AT dinner).

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I want to say a thank you to the staff at the Village Artians, who coordinated this event. They went above and beyond making sure that the vendors’ needs were met. I can’t say that I will be in next year’s festival (who knows what another year will bring), but if the door is opened, then I would love the opportunity to participate again. Either way, painting this year will not stop for five months as it did last year–doors continue to  open and I am ready to restart on the journey through art.

Creativity takes courage. ~Henri Matisse

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August 7, 2013 · 12:03 pm

Unshakable

The other night at dinner, we were discussing old movies. Old–as in black and white…as in Charlie Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy and the like. We grew up watching many of these kind…either that or classic reruns of black and white television shows, such as The Lone Ranger, Petticoat Junction, The Dick van Dyke Show, I Love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies or The Andy Griffith Show. If I ever need a hearty laugh, these are bound for success!

Don Knotts, who plays Barney Fife on The Andy Griffith Show, also starred in many funny movies: The Ghost and Mr. Chicken, The Reluctant Astronaut and The Shakiest Gun in the West are personal favorites. In the 1968 film, The Shakiest Gun in the West, we find Jesse W. Haywood (Knotts) fresh out of a dentist school in Philadelphia and now pursuing the West to open an office and provide his services there. One hilarious event after another, Haywood’s vulnerability places him right in the middle of a secret government case in which he has been lured into by the stagecoach robber, Penelope “Bad Penny” Cushing, who has been offered a pardon if she helps solve the case.

Haywood at the beginning of the movie is not what you would label a western man. Everything changes for him when the other wagon men see–what they perceive–as Haywood fighting off a group of Native Americans. Suddenly he is a hero. From that point on, his pride is fueled, enough even to accept a challenge from the famous and feared Arnold the Kid. It is only after this that he discovers the truth about his fighting abilities–it is not him, but has been Penny the entire time. Crushed, he returns to the plain old Jesse W. Haywood…a nobody in his eyes. I don’t want to spoil anymore of the movie, but I will say that in the end, we see that Haywood learns confidence. He has experienced the West and longed to be something big–but in the end, it is not his pride or fighting skills that earn him his recognition but simply by being himself and what he does best: being a dentist.

When my sister was here in July, we watched this movie. 🙂 I have thought of it a few times lately more because it gives me a few good laughs when I get frustrated with my hands. As you may recall, my hands are weakening–curled fingers due to muscle loss in the left hand and extreme numbness in the right hand which results in lack of grip and sensation. It is not entirely noticeable but my hands also shake. Not violently but just a steady jitter.

When it first started, I did not think much of it, figuring it was just a phase or I was tired that day or anything else excuse-wise that came to mind. When changes happen in my body, I allow myself a certain period of time to test and take note if it is indeed a change or just a spontaneous reaction of tumors with the nerves. Sometimes things happen only once, never occurring again. Unless it is crucial–like my notice of hearing loss–I don’t mention anything to my parents or doctors until it becomes a relevant occurrence.

One night, my sister came home and as we were talking she just broke in midsentence and asked, “Are you feeling ok? Your hands are really shaky.” I had not mentioned it to anyone yet…guess it was time to say something. That was early summer. As the summer months progressed, so did the shake. Sometimes my left thumb will spasm. It does not hurt; I just have no control over its movement.

I really don’t notice the shakiness until it is obvious: when I eat, when I write or as I observed last night..when I paint in detail. I was finishing my last two paintings for Saturday’s festival (exciting 🙂 ), but on the one I was elaborating with flowers and side margin décor. My shakiness started to frustrate me as my marginal fancywork continued to expand farther and wider than what I wanted, topping it of with my right hand smearing the metallic red paint amidst the baby blue background.

– – –

This past weekend, there had been (and will be) a lot of conversation about the days ahead and my health. Since my body continues to change, we are moving forward to get the help and resources set up in advance so when life gets more shaky, we have some stability. It was a rough weekend emotionally. As if shaking in fear of losing “independence,” I was reminded that receiving this help will in return help me to continue to live as independently as possible. There are resources and services that we are not familiar with…this is a whole new chapter in life.

It doesn’t come naturally for me to admit that I need the help, but it is then that I am graciously humbled. I had to set aside my pride to see the goodness in this situation. I see a parallelism to my prayers as well. I have been contemplating what it means to “ask, seek, knock” (Matthew 7:7). Three action verbs…why are they so difficult to act upon? And yet I can come before God at any time, not with shaking or trembling, but with confidence.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need…[and] let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken.

Hebrews 4:16, 12:28a

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August 4, 2013 · 11:20 pm

Simplici-tea

Today was quite simple. And I savored it.

Delicious large chai tea at Stoney Creek Roasters.

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Read selections of letters and sermons from the Puritan era: Samuel Rutherford, William Tyndale, Thomas Brooks’ Precious Remedies Against Satan’s Devices.

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Finished a few more paintings; ready now to complete the details for the upcoming festival on Saturday! 🙂

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How was your day?

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July 28, 2013 · 6:28 pm

An Invitation!

It is that time of year again! Around this area, every town seems to have a festival of some kind throughout the summer and into the Fall. There are the art and craft festivals, the music festivals, farmer’s markets full of fresh produce, history festivities…to name a few.

Early last spring, through Beans-n-Cream, I heard about an annual art festival in Yellow Springs called, “The Art on the Lawn Festival.” Yellow Springs is an artsy, tourist town–and so the thought of being part of this event really excited me. It would be an opportunity to be alongside other local and out-of-state artists for a day. I would get to see their work and others could see mine. It would also give me a chance to tell more people about my story of living with NF2 and how I started painting.

So, I set out to apply for a booth space at the festival. After being approved, I vigorously painted for the festival, enjoying every minute of it (stress and tears were part of making the day a joyous one!) At the end of the festival, I was personally invited to next year’s show. I found that special and an honor.

In May, I resubmitted my application to secure a booth position and started slowly painting, thinking all the while, “I have plenty of time!” Here it is: two weeks to the festival! No stress or tears as of yet, but let’s just say these next two weeks, my primary focus is on the art festival details and finishing a few more paintings.

With that being said, you are invited! 😀 I am so thankful for the opportunity to be in this event yet again! If you are in the area and have the chance to stop by my booth, I would love to meet you and answer any questions you may have about my paintings or the NF2 disease. (For those who can’t make the day–a blog of the event and pictures will follow.)

I dream my painting and I paint my dream.

~Vincent van Gogh

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P.S. If you received a hard copy of the invitation from me, you may (or not) have noticed that the year was wrong on the festival date. Just disregard the error. 🙂

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July 23, 2013 · 11:34 pm

Shifting Agendas

I had an agenda for today. I had my various projects all neatly organized, ready to be completed. My day started bright and early with getting my blood drawn for chemo. It has now been three weeks on the chemo treatment and my lab results look good. I still have had no side effects other than in the intestines, which is like a roller coaster ride: some days I feel fantastic and other days not. I am in humble gratitude for your daily prayers.

Shortly after returning home, I made chai and settled down for a time of reading and studying. When I finished, I had a whole new agenda: Think of something you have been neglecting and respond. I cleaned my bathroom and changed my sheets (it is a full workout for me); I refilled Muffy’s water dish; I rested; I enjoyed the evening air; I painted. It was a fantastic day.

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Title: Prism.

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July 21, 2013 · 7:12 pm

The Book: “NF2: Our Journeys”

Question: Where has this year gone? Here we are in July already! Stop and think for a moment on all that you have done in the past six months. If you are like me, you may be wondering how you are going to write your Christmas card this year; thankfully, we still have another six months to figure that out. 🙂

As I reflect, there is a list of major events on my calendar: blood clot, hospital trips, Physical therapy, paintings, a few visits to see grandparents, Spring Break vacation, books read, made new friends, turned another year older, overcoming new physical limitations, visited my sister a few times in Columbus and Megan visited from Colorado…and last but certainly not least: I wrote about my life (limit 1500 words) for this book NF2: Our Journeys.

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January 2, 2o13–a representative from The Children’s Tumor Foundation contacted me through my blog in response to a letter I had sent to the foundation at the end of the previous year. Three days later, she contacted me again. The Children’s Tumor Foundation works alongside a foundation in the UK called, Children With Tumors. There was an opportunity for those with NF2 to participate in this publication (sharing their story)–all started by Jessica Cook who also lives with NF2.

January 9, 2013: Unexpected blood clot.

January 10, 2013: In hospital and I get an email from Jess. This is where it began.

I can count on both hands how many people I have known/met personally that live with either NF1 or NF2. Yes…less than ten people. It was only when I started this blog that my social group of “meeting” people who live with NF2 expanded slightly. When Jess first emailed me, it was about the book. I had no idea over the next five months I would not only get to be part of this amazing opportunity to share my journey of living with NF2, but also make a new friend in the process.

January and February were crazy months of doctor appointments, physical therapy and painting. I had until the end of February to write my story. Not that I procrastinated, but a combination of all taking place those months and just a lack of not knowing what to say, I finally forced myself to sit down a few days before the due date and write. I submitted it the day the rough drafts were due. By this time, Jess and I had been emailing back and forth and she responded to my draft with praise saying that it was what she had expected. That put my nervousness at ease.

My story was edited (spelling, grammar, punctuation) by Jess and a few of her friends and then sent back to me to read and review. I asked my cousin, who is known for her exceptional editing skills, for help on a few sentences and wordings–then satisfied–I sent it back to Jess saying it was final on my end. I picked my “author name” for the introduction and submitted a picture. (Muffy is famous! 🙂 ) By this time, I now had told my family about Jess and the book; I had mentioned it to my doctors in Cincinnati and wrote about Jess to my grandparents. Just talking about it all was exciting!

Getting to know Jess over the past six months has been both encouraging and inspiring. We never started our emails from the past (full life story)…we started right where we were at the moment. Sure, past events have come up in our conversations, such as, physical changes we have endured, emotional battles we have overcome (such as isolation and self-image struggles) and how living with NF2 has broadened our life’s story in ways unimaginable.

Jess’ work in the UK through her social advocacy website and group–Can You Hear Us?–has inspired me to be connected. I have been reading other blogs from people living with NF2 and (though good intentions) need to make a better effort to seek out the Deaf community here. It has also helped me to seek out the possibilities when life hands you disabilities; I believe God placed this book opportunity in front of me for a reason–because these past six months, I have seen my body change and weaken faster than the other nine years of living with the disease combined.

I say it often, but it is the truth: It is only by God’s strength and mercy that I can still function what I am. And He has shown me in abundance the past few months that what I currently struggle with physically is not the end–there is still more to my story waiting to be told. There is always room for hope…

My story: I seems to be a re-occurring phrase over the past few weeks. A few days ago I thought of the hymn “Blessed Assurance.” I think Fanny Crosby wrote what I feel about my story best:

Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.

This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.

– – –

To buy a copy of the book:

http://canyouhearus.co.uk/nf2-book/shop/

(Shipping is included in the book price and PayPal converts the total for those ordering from the United States.)

For More Information:

Cook, Jessica (producer). NF2: Our Journeys: A collection of inspirational stories written by people with NF2. Lavenham Suffolk, UK: canyouhearus.co.uk, 2013.

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July 18, 2013 · 11:57 pm

When It’s Hot

We’re experiencing a heat wave here. Even our bike ride yesterday late evening left us in a sweat. So imagine today when we decided to take a stroll at John Bryan State Park around one in the afternoon. Yep…HOT!

The shade from the trees offered a bit of relief but there was nothing more satisfying than a cold drink of water (and I suppose having the AC on full blast too).

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Jeremiah 17:7-8 says, “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.”

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It has now been two weeks since I started the Sirolimus chemo treatments. Thus far, the only side effects I have had are an increase of problems in the intestines (which also is a combination of tumor pressure) and my mouth is always dry! It feels like I am dehydrated even though I am drinking more. However, I have no mouth sores yet, in which I am very thankful!

When it’s hot, I take a drink of water and remember the life I have been given–through trials, an opportunity for growth; through pain, an opportunity to give thanks; through weariness, an opportunity to rest.

“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” Isaiah 58:11

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DSCN2491 Treasure Falls, (Hwy 160, Colorado.) 24×48 canvas. July 2013.

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July 4, 2013 · 11:58 pm

“Writing Letters on the Veranda”

I like to write. Anything from handwritten cards, typing emails, thoughts in a journal or “to do” lists, taking notes during church or blog entries–writing is something I enjoy. I was the odd student that celebrated when term finals was a twenty page research paper or when essays on tests were a major percentage of the grade. When writing I get to think. It is a conversation on paper.

I think writing flows in my blood. My mom is a role model for what I love in writing. I watch her journal at the kitchen table and admire how she is not just writing but adding color and imagery to the text. Every month she writes cards for all the occasions–birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, get well, sympathy, thank you, thinking of you–to all members of the family, extended family, or close friends. And Mom has the prettiest handwriting.

Yesterday was my writing day. I had momentum. First agenda: I finished all my drafts in my email inbox, much to my hand’s delight. I should have paced myself, because by the time I reached Stoney Creek Roasters for an afternoon tea to accompany finishing some snail mail, my right hand was about ready to call it a day.

But it was worth it. It may not have been a “veranda”, but I was able to sit by the window and look out at the luscious greenery by the creek and write.

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My right hand has become very numb. There are things that are getting more difficult to do and holding a pen firm to write is one of them (sometimes just holding a pen in general depending on size). Last fall, we purchased this tool to help me hold a pen and write. At the time I did not essentially need it so I kept it in the cup of other pens on my nightstand. About a month ago, I reorganized my room including the nightstand corner. I was switching the cup to an old souvenir mug and remember taking this pen holder out because it was too big. Last I remember is setting it on my bed with a few books before I put it somewhere I reasoned to be a good spot for later use. And I don’t recall where that spot is. Thus, at the time I need it most, it is lost.

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Probably a combination of my perfectionism with the sloppy handwriting, my “to do” lists or sometimes letters are sent to the trash can as I start over trying to write with more legibility. Last night, my hands were tired but on my way to bed I knew if I did not write down that I needed more orange juice for taking chemo doses that I would forget. I still forgot what it was when I looked at my sticky note this morning. I stood there like I was reading a riddle…”small..”‘–ok, what did I need that was small? It took me a few minutes but then I remembered what it was that was so scribbled. Small OJ. I threw the sticky note in the trash and wrote a different one.

Life can be like a scribbled sticky note of agendas. In trying to write out my story so perfectly of agendas, I see myself crumple the paper and restart the whole process over again…each time attempting to grasp the pen I write with just a little tighter. But my hands grow weak and I have to let go of the pen. It is only when I have complete surrender that God can post His notes to my heart reminding me (again) that my life is worth more than my own scribbled, crumpled sticky notes. It is a novel being tenderly written just for me.

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

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June 15, 2013 · 5:23 pm

Nature’s Night Lights

Random fact #0613: Mel sleeps with a nightlight. Two actually. One in my main room off on the side left wall and another in the bathroom which I can see from my bed. I am not afraid of the dark–I just don’t like the dark due to bad balance. My night lights serve as a safety purpose, without them, I fall.

I will leave you to imagine how I look when I walk in the dark. Darkness is the reason why I do not especially care for winter months. In the summer, I can still be outside around 9pm and be fine. When it finally gets dark, it is best that I have assistance…usually an arm from a person walking beside me or if I go out on the back patio to feed Muffy his bed-time snack, I initially hold on to the rail by the door to balance then take it slow to a chair (plus the patio lights are on and I stay in the lighted area).

I find it is easiest to wait for Muffy to finish eating by just sitting. Thus, I sat last night with no thoughts–just staring into the darkness ahead of me. Then it happened…Fireflies!!! I have been waiting for this moment since the start of Spring! In my mind, it is now the official start of Summer!!

I remember fireflies when we lived in Toledo until I was six. After the move to Colorado, our days of seeing fireflies were limited to when we took family vacations back out east to visit family and friends. Once when visiting friends near Chicago, we were taking a walk and fireflies came out. All of a sudden, gleeful cries and the pursuit of catching them took place…never mind the fact that we were teenagers. I still find it fun to catch fireflies and last night in my excitement, I banged on the window and yelled, “I just saw a firefly!!” I even held up my arms like a victory field goal, which probably looked and sounded more like George Bailey wishing Mr. Potter a “Merry Christmas” in It’s a Wonderful Life.

Although Colorado does not have fireflies, I don’t think that it ever bugged me. (Bugged: haha, Mel humor!!) I know this because God provided a different form of fireflies: nature’s fireflies. Best part was that I did not have to wait for certain seasons to see them. From our backyard, in complete darkness, the vastness of the evening sky and the twinkling of unfathomable numbers of stars was far greater than trying to catch fireflies.

A few months ago at dinner, I told my mom that I was having a hard time reading Holley Gerth’s blog posts, because all this talk about having God-sized dreams left me feeling like I was sitting in a closet with the lights turned off. “I don’t have any God-sized dreams,” I said. Truth…I still don’t–at least I do not recognize them at the time. Not only my Mom, but countless others have kindly reminded me that I don’t have to do big things to be used by God. Even the tiniest star in the sky is still visible, just because it shines–and it shines even brighter when surrounded by others doing the same.

“Shine like stars across the land.” Philippians 2:15b (The Voice)

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June 4, 2013 · 5:36 pm

I Breathe

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“Today” by Iona

– – –

Today the grass is greener

than I have ever seen

Today the sky is bluer

than it has ever been

And Today my heart is breathing

like I’ve never felt it beat

And Today flowers are growing

from the ground beneath my feet

– – –

Today my hope is stronger

and the visions clearer

To walk in Love eternal

the path that takes me nearer

And to You the music’s playing

like it has never done

And to You my feet are dancing

underneath the sun

– – –

In You I Live

In You I Live

In You I Live

and breathe

This song is exactly opposite of what I actually felt this morning. The day is indeed beautiful with the sky bluer, the grass greener and flowers growing around the back patio. And inside myself I felt distant from this beauty of the day. I did not feel like dancing, making music in praise. I felt heavy…burdened. Sorrow instead of joy in the morning.

Last night, I laid it all out. In my conversation with my dad, we discussed everything that I could think of at the moment…this decision about the chemo treatments is not just the treatments. I realized it goes so much deeper than that…job, living, safety factors as my body physically fades, side effects of medicines, what happens after I can no longer be on certain medicines, independence and dependence decisions, current pains, current emotions, hopes that seem lost…

In a day, I don’t think these things in this much depth. But because I fell asleep last night still questioning…today, the heaviness lingered. I started making my morning coffee and asked God, “What happened to my joy?” I remembered a verse where it talks about our sorrow turning to joy–so I set out to find it. I should have known it was in the book of Jeremiah. In chapter 29, God assures the Israelites that He has a plan for their future, one that prospers and brings hope (29:11).

This morning I felt too that I was in bondage…exile from former things, out of my comfort and asking God, “Where are You? Why am I here in this place suffering like this? And what is going to happen in my future?” Seems last night that is all that happened–I just asked a lot of questions. My earthly father put his arm around my shoulder as I wept. He could only answer my questions honestly saying, “I don’t know.” But my Heavenly Father says, “This may not make sense at the moment. I know your pain, sorrow, confusion. Seek me and trust me. I love you and have the perfect plan for you. Your sorrow will soon turn to joy.”

Then I found my verse that I was seeking–Jeremiah 31:12-14 (The Voice):

“The redeemed will return home and shout for joy from the top of Mount Zion; they will shine with the sheer goodness of the Eternal— The harvests of grain, wine, and oil; the healthy flocks and herds. Their lives will be like a lush, well-watered garden. From that day on, they will never know sorrow. Young women will dance for joy; young men will join them, old ones too. For I will turn their mourning into joy. I will comfort My people and replace their sorrow with gladness. From the overflow of sacrifices, I will satisfy My priests; All My people will feast on My goodness.”

My own visions are unclear, but seeing through eyes of faith gives freedom from this sorrow–maybe not physically, but in my soul. I learn to live. And I breathe.

We have the idea that God is going to do some exceptional thing— that He is preparing and equipping us for some extraordinary work in the future. But as we grow in His grace we find that God is glorifying Himself here and now, at this very moment. If we have God’s assurance behind us, the most amazing strength becomes ours, and we learn to sing, glorifying Him even in the ordinary days and ways of life.

~Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, June 4.

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