January 1, 2013 · 2:17 pm

Happy 2013!

It came and went with just a stroke of midnight. The old year gone and now the new year has begun! 🙂

Yesterday I kept thinking to myself, “What am I going to do today that is different?” Last day of the year, might as well do something. So I did, but it just turned out to be a pretty normal day. I helped my mom vacuum/dust and did the dishes. Put away some Christmas lights. Caught up on a few emails. Enjoyed the evening with my aunt/uncle. And watched the birds play in the snow outside.

Cute little creatures! Mom had placed slices of oranges covered with peanut butter, sprinkled with seeds or something on the top. There they were–fresh snow falling in all around them and they just were having the time of lives eating and flying around. Others were seated near each other in the big bush right outside my window. For being so small, they sure can ruffle their feathers to make them appear two sizes bigger.

The bush is not in its time of glory. I would say that comes in the summer. It shoots up (after pruning) to such a height, sometimes it is hard to see out my window. The green leaves are a shade–even Muffy finds a cool haven from the heat. And the butterflies just can never have enough fill of the purple blossoms. It was the inspiration for this painting I did for the art show (which now hangs in my room 🙂 ):

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On a day like yesterday I realized that this bush, more full of icicles than leaves, was a safe haven to the birds. They did not mind that it was pretty much dead from the winter months. At that moment it was what they needed. I sat there thinking. It reminded me of one of my favorite passages in Matthew, where Jesus talks about not worrying.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? ~Matthew 6:25-27, ESV.

My mind wonders at times. Not really “worrying” per say but I like to plan ahead. When my plans don’t go in the way I think they should, it usually turns into worry or frustration. Take last week for example. Not what my plans had in mind, but in the end it was for the better.

I never make New Year’s Resolutions…mostly in part by the end of the month I can’t keep them. So instead of a resolution, I decided to use this year and focus on what these verses say, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (vs. 33-34.)

I know I will not remember this everyday. But I am hoping God sends me reminders, even if it just means taking more time to watch the birds from my bedroom window. “Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow. But empties today of its strength.” ~Corrie Ten Boom

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I look forward to continuing the journey. More to come…

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December 29, 2012 · 12:00 am

I’m home!

Yep! Got discharged about 9:45pm and we left shortly after that. Sleep finally found me on our drive home, but still exhausted. We all are. Got home not too long ago and I am ready to jump (not literally) into bed. My own bed. 🙂 I am feeling much better compared to how I entered the hospital/the last two weeks, but it will still take recovery time and getting used to the new stomach/digestive medicines and the steroids. Doctors are now aware of the problems I have been having and will keep in contact with me about how I am doing. My main doctor was out-of-town so he has yet to be notified about all this too.

Thank you for your prayers. The doctors there are so kind and want to help me feel the best and maintain the best I can as long as I can and I am thankful for that too; it is a huge blessing to me and my family.

And I just cannot thank God enough for my family. For all their love and care, texts of encouragement, and by replacing a short trip to see grandparents and cousins to hang out with me in the hospital. And those extended family members who understand the sacrifice they had to make to help me feel better as it was in part a sacrifice for you too, thank you for your love and prayers.

It is in moments like these that I do not understand why my problem had to come at a time like this, but trusting good has come out of it. Because God is good. And that is what I am going to think about as I fall asleep. I am going to trade my guilty weight of “bringing down the family and ruining the weekend” with thoughts of God’s goodness and grace.

Goodnight everyone.

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December 28, 2012 · 12:10 pm

Early update…

Hey guys. Thank you for your prayers!

Last night was a bit crazy. Ready for one big run on sentence? 🙂

We got here right around 8pm, check-in process got confused about the MRI order, waited a few hours in the ER (thanks Mandy for keeping us company) and finally got in a very fast 20 minute MRI (amazing!); came back to ER and waited for results, got an X-ray of my stomach, got in some lab work, saw the ER doctor, got transported to a room upstairs at 2:30am; answered more questions, discussed issues at hand, got medicines; family left to hotel, got ready for bed 3:15am; had another lady come in and had me sign more papers, etc–got my port accessed at 4am, went to bed but woke up at 6am to take my medicine* (will explain); went back to sleep, but remember the nurse coming in to take vitals; more sleep but then was awake at 9am to take my morning medicines and my first dose of Mirlax. 🙂 I should have gone back to bed, but I decided to eat breakfast; then nurses and people started coming in so in the midst of this, plus trying to finish breakfast, I had  a bowel movement and I just really wanted to celebrate. 😀

So, real fast, the MRI showed no big changes but the tumor in the spine at the base of my neck seems a little bigger, so they started me on steroids* to see if they can get the swelling to go down. I have also noticed a few new areas of numbness, pain in back and different places of pain spasms since my last MRI so they would like to take a look at this now while I am here and make sure that when I leave, I have the knowledge and medicines to help keep my body going.

I will be seeing some doctors from different areas today, to discuss and for them to evaluate. I am enjoying a bit of quietness now, and my family is here. 🙂 I may or may not get home tonight…so I will just write when I get home.

Thank you again for your prayers and encouragement.

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December 27, 2012 · 6:19 pm

Today’s events.

This morning I went to the dentist. It is always an interesting experience probably for both me and the dentist. To have someone explain why one half of their mouth is numb but not the other might seem strange, but it is even stranger to be the one to feel it. The good news is that I had no cavities and he showed me a new way to brush my gums on the left side of my mouth where the numbness is. I tend to brush them harder since I cannot feel them and that is not a good thing. I left with happy teeth and a new toothbrush. 😀

Please keep my family and I in your prayers tonight as we travel down to Cincinnati. My stomach problems due to the lack of bowel movements has become a point of concern. Yesterday I felt like a balloon. No amount of fiber (or prunes) or Colace is seeming to work, which is why the doctors want an MRI tonight and most likely an overnight stay in the ER to figure this out. The problem has been happening off and on for a month now, but it is getting worse, so it is time to see if the scans will show anything.

Thank you for your prayers at this time.

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December 25, 2012 · 7:50 pm

Christmas all year long.

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Yesterday’s Christmas Eve service was the same as Sunday. Off I went Sunday with my family to their church so I braced myself for a service without interpreters, which I knew. The pastor usually leaves his sermon notes copied off on the table in the foyer, but there were none left when we arrived. I just watched the praise team from the balcony where we sat and read the words to the songs, occasionally hearing the beat of the next stanza so I could try to sing along. The sermon started and I just followed the three main bullet points of the sermon about the particular Advent candle. I had my Bible so I read some passages and found amusement from the boy sitting in front of me trying to figure out where the exact middle of the Bible was–he ended up in the middle of the Psalms. No surprise, I told myself…seems like I had done that myself when I was his age. We took communion and then the praise band did an acoustic version of “O Little Town of Bethlehem.” They sang all the verses–and even though I could hear all the words, I just sat there and listened for most of it. Just letting the words sink in. “O come to us, abide with us, our Lord Emmanuel.”

Last night was different though the same church, same pastor, same seats. Except this time my attitude was different. In the car, I kept thinking to myself–this is ridiculous! I could just stay at home and read my Bible and sing a few hymns to myself. I felt more like a hypocrite really–wearing my favorite skinny jeans, cute sparkly top and sparkly shoes. Like dressing up for nothing…was what my thoughts were. The songs had no words on the power point; there were no bullet points to the message; and worst of all, I forgot my Bible so I couldn’t even read any passages. I just sat there. My right hearing aid was not right and so I had to take it out; my shoes were bugging me (and my sister told me they were making noise as I was trying to take them off); and I just really wanted to leave. We did not even have candles to hold when they started the song and proceeded with the congregation lighting each others’ candles. The people in front of us turned and realized we had no candles. They offered theirs. Another woman did the same. When all the candles were lit, we sang Silent Night.

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In the candle glow, I realized that this is what Christmas should be like–sharing our candles with others so they too have light in their time of need. It brings hope and love and peace. The Light of Christmas isn’t meant to burn out the 26th of December. The message lasts all year.

From my house to yours: Merry Christmas!

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December 21, 2012 · 9:28 pm

The First Day of Winter

I am sitting here in the basement with the Christmas tree in my view, the fireplace is on and it is snowing outside! Yes! Finally! Last year, we had none. Nothing. Coming from Colorado, well, it gets to you. It has been snowing all day. Somewhat sticking, somewhat wet, somewhat blown all around from the wind. But it snowed. 😀 How convenient. On the first day of Winter no less!

I have to admit, I could make up things like excuses for how “busy” things are around here. I could pretend to be bustling with activities that cause me not to be able to write (ok, but I did go Christmas caroling with my church and to a performance of Handel’s Messiah with my parents.) 🙂 In all honesty though, I have not been feeling too well. I have been struggling with some physical things that I can’t discuss at this time. I feel this problem has built over time–most likely from my new medicines–but last week was the highlight of it all. And I felt sick…still do most often, but not at the present moment. Another honest blurb–I am craving a Sprite! I love peppermint tea, but I just am in a need for Sprite! But, because the eye medicine makes pops taste like metal, I cannot. Thus, adding another momentary frustration to a sick stomach feeling. You get the drift.

Not the greatest way to be spending the holidays, but to keep my mind off how I feel I wrote most of my Christmas cards, did some reading, and watched a lot of Christmas movies. Nothing too productive, but I did enjoy watching for the first time the classic film, Christmas in Connecticut. I think it might be one of my new favorite holiday movies! Speaking of movies, I wrote about the book, “52 Little Lessons from It’s a Wonderful Life” when I first started it two weeks ago. What a book! I read a few a day…last week, some days the words would just pop off the page. The little lesson would hit directly home…mostly because I was feeling a lot like George…wanting to do big and great things or travel the world but feeling stuck at home. My family resembled “Clarence.” Just again reminding me that I am not a burden and that it is ok to share my feelings and hurts–because then they understand what I am going through and why some days I am just a tad grumpy.

But I am learning. I am learning to be open, to share. But it will take some time and a re-wiring of the normal thought process my mind usually goes through. Seems like a great time of the year for it…taking time to step back, rewind and think about the joy of the Christmas season.

Music has always helped me rewind. This is from one of my favorite Christmas songs, “Christmastime” by Michael W. Smith, 1998.

Ring Christmas bells
Ring them loud with the message bringing
Peace on the earth
Tidings of good cheer
Come carolers
Come and join with the angels singing
Joy to the world
Christmas time is here again.

P.S. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFq3GJicC78

More to come…

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December 7, 2012 · 1:25 pm

Candy Cane Cookies

Here is the promised recipe for the cookies that I made for Monday’s Christmas cookie exchange party. For the best results of flavor: make the dough the night before and set in the refrigerator overnight. It leaves the cookies tasting more peppermint!! 😀

  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 cup butter or margarine, softened
  • 1/2 cup milk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 tsp peppermint extract
  • 1 egg
  • 3 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp red food color (This makes pink. I used a 1/2 bottle food color and got RED) 🙂
  • Topping:
  • 2 Tbs finely crushed hard peppermint candies
  •  2 Tbs sugar

1. Beat 1 cup sugar and butter until mixed. Add milk, vanilla, peppermint extract and egg to sugar/butter mixture. Mix on medium speed or with spoon. Stir in flour, baking powder and salt. Divide dough in half. Stir food coloring into one half of the dough. Cover and refrigerate at least four hours.

2. Heat oven to 375 degrees. For each candy cane, shape 1 rounded teaspoon dough from each half into 4-inch rope by rolling back and forth on floured surface. (I used parchment paper instead). Place 1 red and 1 white rope side by side; press together lightly and twist. Place on ungreased cookie sheet (use parchment paper if posible…helps hold them together when you take them off the pan after baked.) Curve the top of the cookie down to form “handle” of cane.

3. Bake 9-12 minutes or until set and very light brown. Mixed crushed candies and 2 Tbs sugar; immediately sprinkle over baked cookies. Immediately removed from cookie sheet to wire rack. Cool completely (but eat them warm, LOL). 🙂

Enjoy!

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December 6, 2012 · 11:23 pm

“Hey! Merry Christmas, Mr. Potter!”

Yeah, probably one of my favorite lines from Frank Capra’s It’s a Wonderful Life. Filmed in 1946, just timeless family classic. Growing up, we had a family tradition to watch Jim Henson’s The Muppet Christmas Carol on Christmas Eve after the church services and It’s a Wonderful Life on New Year’s Eve. Yes, it is a story that takes place on Christmas Eve, but the message always brought in a great ring to the New Year (“Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings.”) No traditions seemed to be any greater than those two.

Yesterday, I had an eye appointment with the neuro ophthalmologist to see how my optic nerves are doing. I had another visual field test and everything seems to be going the direction that they are wanting. The plan is just to stay on the medicine they prescribed for me last appointment and have another follow-up appointment in February. On our way home from Cincinnati, Mom and I stopped by a Barnes and Nobles there in one of the suburbs. I did not have to have my eyes dilated so imagine the ecstatic feeling that I was having. 🙂 We synchronized our cell phone clocks and set a time limit we were for sure bound not to keep. Then we went inside. I just love books! I was not intending really to buy any, because I have been in the process of downsizing my own shelf. But as I passed by the Christmas selection table, my eyes spotted one titled, 52 Little Lessons from It’s a Wonderful Life. I had seen this book before from a trip to BN a week before Thanksgiving–it was a coffee run (Starbucks are limited around this area). But I had decided at that point to wait. Then I forgot about it.

I skimmed over the introduction by its author, Bob Welch. Fifty-two lessons for each week of the year. I bought it and started it this morning. It is like a little devotional that incorporates the lessons taught from the movie. I like it so much I decided to finish it in 52 days instead of weeks. I believe that takes me to almost the end of January. So in essence, I will still be bringing in the New Year with the movie…even if I am not watching it on New Year’s Eve.

I just wanted to share this book with you, because it is a good reminder of little lessons of faith and life that we so often forget…we turn into George Bailey without realizing it. I know I have. It is then that God sends people like Clarence to show me once again how important and special my life is and that it is worth living to the fullest.

Strange, isn’t it? Each man’s life touches so many other lives. When he isn’t around he leaves an awful hole, doesn’t he?

~Clarence

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December 4, 2012 · 11:59 pm

Let me catch my breath.

Hey all!! 😀

Last week I spent my time chasing after my nose as it kept running away from me!!!! (Get it??? HAHA!) Ok–I had a bad cold and I was taking care of my sister’s dog for the week, so my energy was not much of anything. Sorry if I had anyone worried. I am doing much better…cold is gone…and the sick stomach issue that I have going on due to some of the new medicines is now mostly under control (I hope). Nothing like the excuse for a big cup of peppermint tea! 😀 ‘Tis the season!!

This past weekend was fun! Saturday night we went to the town’s parade of lights. It was short and festive and bright. It was really a good time though. Afterwards, the shops were open, free coffee was distributed and people filled the street. My sister and I even got a picture with Santa.

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Sunday we ventured to downtown Dayton for the musical performance based on Irving Berlin’s White Christmas. It was very well done! The dancing and choreography was amazing! I really had a good time and it helped me forget about my sick stomach and pain spasms. I was a bit grumpy that morning–like a Scrooge. I need to work on not being grumpy when I am tired and in pain. It is not fair to those around me, especially my family. We all enjoyed the play and I especially look forward to the spring musical: Mary Poppins!! 😀

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Monday was Mom’s Christmas cookie exchange party. We ladies enjoyed a time of cookie taste-testing, talking, a few Christmas hymns and a devotion on gratitude. The party was a lot of fun. I baked my favorite cookie–Peppermint Candy Canes. Be sure to check back later this week, because I will post the recipe. 😀

And today, Mom and I ventured to the college student center for their noon-hour music presentation of different Christmas songs by different groups of students. We heard some group singing, bell presentation songs, a little jazz and my favorite–the flute ensemble. 🙂 I do miss playing the flute. But this is where I learned last night to have a heart of gratitude. I cannot understand why I lost my hearing and hand function (all needed to play the flute). In college, I finally learned to stop asking the question, “Why me?” And I was content.

I guess the blood clot is when my attitude started to change back to the old questionable self that I was. Things leveled out, then I stopped work (for mostly health related issues). And I have not been able to get back to where I used to be in my relationship with God. I am not bitter–not even asking why really. More–“You just have to be the One to do something about all this because I am tired of trying.” And that attitude wears me down. It comes and goes like my pain spasms but I need to start taking those thoughts and turning them into gratitude for all that God has done for me.

Today as I listened to the flute ensemble, I remembered that I can be thankful for the memories of when I did have the chance to play; I can be thankful that my hearing aids allowed me to hear them being played today; and I can be thankful that God sees any resounding noise as praise as long as it is from a heart of worship to Him. A resounding noise. I think that best describes me. My scratchy voice can’t sing, but I can’t help but sing anyway; I can’t play an instrument, but I paint with my hands; and I can’t always know the reason why, but I can trust God does.

I see a pattern in my life. It always comes down to that last segment of the sentence, about not knowing all the answers–which means I am not in control. I think I struggle most with this, because I fight so hard against my decaying aging body to be normal and do things under my control with no other help. “I am fine. I can do this.” It starts the wall…and God slowly starts to tear it down, reminding me that I cannot do this on my own. Look at all He has done. I think about even just this year alone. It was a hard year…and yet it was so perfectly orchestrated. Just is so awesome to think about and share. I love writing these thoughts out, because then my mind sees it on “paper” and I start to understand and learn from it. Thank you for being part of this journey with me. I look forward to writing more in the days to come.

Your friend, Mel

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November 24, 2012 · 3:40 pm

Thanksgiving Lessons 101

This Thanksgiving was a very special time. We celebrated my Grandpa’s M.’s 90th birthday with a surprise family reunion. And he was surprised!!! 🙂 What a great time it was to have the family here. I just don’t think it could have been any better!! Dinners ran buffet style through the kitchen; we somehow got all of us to fit together in the same dining room area/hallway so we could all eat together; we enjoyed chatting, pictures, playing games with the kids; and most of all, we enjoyed the precious time spent with Grandpa and Grandma. 🙂

Grandpa has taught me so much over the past years, but these are my top favorites: Don’t put your elbows on the table and collecting coins is a cool thing. Grandma taught me that it is okay to eat dessert first (you only have one life to live) and writing letters brightens the day. And together they taught me the most important lessons of life: Give and you receive, trust God in all circumstances, and to honor the ones you love as you honor God by doing so. Grandpa and Grandma have been married for 66 years. And they still love each other, care for each other. It is such a testimony. I have been blessed with not one set of grandparents, but three who all have shown me the same lessons of faith and love in their own special ways. Each give me a glimpse of something in my life that I can improve on. During the family reunion, Grandpa yet again showed me a life lesson, but this time I don’t think he realized it.

I must say it was refreshing to not be the only one with hearing aids. I actually had some good conversations about hearing aids with my uncle. It was fun for someone to “understand.” But Grandpa showed me a different way to understand the communication problems that come with lack of hearing. The first night we all were together–after the “SURPRISE!!!”–things were still on the energetic level and it was loud. I could not hear anything but the constant vibe of the family chatting and laughing murmur in my ears. That might be hard to understand, but it is hard to explain. Anyway, after giving my hello and hugs, I went over to sit by Grandpa. I can’t speak for him, but I wonder if the murmur was the same for him–either that or it was just still complete shock that we all were there. 😀 We exchanged a few sentences, then just sat quiet. I noticed as he looked around the room that he was just all smiles. He was not even engaging in any conversations, but still had joy in his face just as if he were chatting with someone right next to him.

I did pretty well at Thanksgiving. I had my hard moments with hearing but for the most part I did well, just hopping from one conversation to the next. It was last night when my frustrations reached a peak. After the extended family left, we decided to play Mexican Train (dominoes game). I got the rules down and we started to play. Then things started changing like “you have to cover the double” and then I said, “I don’t want to cover the double, I want to play here.” That kind of started it. By the next few rounds I had one question about the trains and doubles that I was trying to get an answer for, and everyone was telling me answers at the same time. Finally, after much frustration, we got it quiet and my brother-in-law restated why we had to put the trains down if we can’t cover the double and it clicked. I finally got it.

I am not blaming my family…they are not at fault (although we should work on the talking at the same time part). I could have not raised my voice in frustration of not understanding but because often in loud conversations I can’t get my voice heard, I get so used to shouting louder than I should just to be heard. I have always have had that problem. I just want to be heard. But Grandpa’s approach was the complete opposite. He does not shout to be heard, but when he speaks it is sincere and it is heard. So as the family left this morning I reflected on the past few days and how I see myself every time in these situations. I speak loudly before I try to lip read (which is my version of listening); I get angry when I cannot be heard and frustrated when I cannot hear or understand or know what is going on. It is a constant battle, but it is not for Grandpa. He showed me that you can live out James 1:19 and still enjoy life as if I had regular hearing.

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.

I have tried so hard to live out this verse, but I think it is now time for a new course of action: Be more like Grandpa, because Grandpa is an example of Christ’s love and humility. So thank you Grandpa for the lesson you taught me while you were enjoying your birthday festivities. I love you so much. 🙂

More to come…

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