My Life with NF2

Do you remember sitting in elementary school and being asked the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Like an early career fair, sometimes you wrote a paragraph on the topic or discussed it in class when guest speakers came to relate their exciting tales of their specific job positions.

However, to be honest, I don’t ever remember someone specifically asking me this question (besides the classroom setting as a whole) or if I ever gave a specific answer. I have tried to think back to see if I can remember, but I think my career interests back then until the time I reached high school were merely daydreams. I do remember at a young age seeing an orchestra perform on television and that is when I decided I would someday learn to play the flute. When this turned into a reality, I then ventured to dream that I would play in an orchestra…maybe a famous soloist. Well, I did get my solo moments in concert band. We may not have been an orchestra, but I consider performing Georges Bizet’s songs from his opera Carmen a good try (plus it was my favorite solo moment.)

There were other daydreams. I had always wanted to be a singer in a band. I strummed my air guitar or keyboard as I jammed to the music. Being an over dramatic girl, I played the roles of Florence Nightingale or once pretended to be a doctor. I sat on the side of my bed, clip board in the left hand, and stared at my invisible patient. As I went on to explain how the eye is connected to the brain, my invisibility was intruded when my sister (unknown to me) walked in on my consultation. Yes, the eye is connected to the brain, and somehow that was the funniest scientific truth my sister had ever encountered.

It was not until high school that I started to take interest in careers that were more than daydreams. Once I discovered I had interest in the world of business, I filled my schedule with classes such as Accounting I and II, Marketing, computer courses (much has changed in technology since then!) and I jumped at the opportunity to be an editor of our school yearbook. After I graduated, my job at the local florist shop gave me experience in every area, with my favorite of handling the money transactions or office management, such as mail and filing. It came to no surprise then when I started college with an Accounting major in mind. After failing miserably on my mid-term in Accounting II, I realized that the subject was way over my head and focused my emphasis on Management instead.

The funny part about having a degree is that sometimes it pertains nothing to your current career. To make a living while finishing college, I worked as a cashier–even after graduating. I slowly gained responsibility and trained to be a cash officer, which ironically, resembles an accountant’s role minus taxes and payroll. I enjoyed this and for the first time felt I had “a career.”

I was crushed when I felt God calling me to end my career that I loved last October, but I see now that it was His timing as the winter brought all the health battles. By the time March rolled in, I was feeling myself again physically and was becoming bored. So I restarted job searching. I wrote once back in college, “Job hunting is like chasing a white rabbit in the snow.” My sister wrote me back and commented, “That’s a simile.” I don’t have any clever similes up my sleeve this time, but I will say that the search has been frustrating. Not because there are no jobs on the market, but because I am not physically what I was even two months ago and I guess I question what I can actually perform in the world of work.

I know work means many things–there is work where you get paid or you can volunteer your time and work to serve others, both being honorable positions as long as the motive in your heart is pure. Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” I enjoy the times of volunteering–even if it is just time spent with a friend on a lunch date. But I also have a desire to work and finally admitted I needed help in that process, so I contacted the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation. After being approved for their services, I had another meeting with them yesterday to continue the process.

I was still uneasy about the meeting, but over breakfast I did more brainstorming on different areas that I wanted to discuss with the counselor. As I finished my coffee, I set out to finish the last chapter in the devotional book I started about a month ago. God’s timing of words spoken to the heart never cease to amaze me. And so I read:

Out of all history, God chose this time for you to be on earth.

We may think back with regret on who we wish we’d been. We may look forward with fear about who we might (or might not) become. But the only place where we can offer ourselves, where God can use us, is the moment we’re in right now.

Gerth, Holley. You’re Already Amazing. Grand Rapids, MI: Revell, 2012. (180-181).

I may not kn0w my future career, or the timing of it how it will all come together, but I can rest assured…life is more than the aimless chasing of white rabbits in the snow.