Category Archives: Books and Movies

April 27, 2012 · 9:38 am

Morning routines.

Yesterday, I had a hair appointment. Agenda: Turn curly into straight and trim. I think I had excellent results. I am excited to finally reuse my hair dryer and curling iron for a tad curl at the bottom. I like to curl my hair out using a big 1 inch iron. I have a history with curling irons. Growing up, I liked to curl my bangs with this, then add tons of hair spray:

In junior high, I decided braces needed a cooler hairstyle, so I let my hair grow really long and curled it in spirals at the bottom every morning. Ah, yes, those were the days of self-discipline to be in bed early and rise early without any help from a cup of coffee in the morning. 🙂 I still had my long hair in high school but found myself rushed for time in the mornings, so most often it was just long and wet when I arrived to school. I got my first perm my senior year of high school. I loved it. I loved not having to spend time in the morning drying my mass loads of hair when I could just put in a little mousse and be on my way! Since then, I have gone from long curly, to long straight; short straight, to no hair, to puffy hair growing in, back to short straight hair, curly and now straight. Grass always seems greener on the other side when I change from one style to the other. I decided that I am thankful for my hair, no matter how thin with random bald spots that it may have.

As kids, we liked to watch Little Women (1994), a movie based off the Louisa May Alcott’s novel.

It is a wonderful story of a family with four girls. Their father is fighting in the war (Civil War) and they are all becoming different ladies with their own styles, interests and dreams. They are not a rich family, but learn to bless others who are in need. One Christmas, they share their meal with another family, singing “Ding Dong Merrily On High” at the top of their lungs on the walk to their destination. The rich old neighbor has a grandson, whom they come to call “Laurie”; he becomes like family and in the end he does (along with his tutor, named John.) 🙂 Their stories of growing up together with sister times of tears and laughs, to finding love and starting their own families all in one piece is a joy to watch. I really like the story. We always joked about the movie, because growing up…the personalities of the four girls matched to my sisters and I almost exact. Which one of the March sisters do you think I am??

Meg

Jo

Beth

Amy

You can read here for descriptions in the first paragraph of the plot if you are not sure of their characters. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Women_(1994_film). You will note that it talks about the way they called their mother, “Marmee”. We adopted that into our family and still sometimes call our mom by that term. Very affectionate indeed. 🙂 Speaking of which, my mom did this artwork with stencils. It hangs in my room. I like looking at it every morning, of course, my hair is not always done that nice in buns or braids, but I do have a hat sort of that style just not with ribbon attached. 🙂

Sisters. I love my sisters. Sure, we have had our fair share of quarrels, but they are my sisters and always will be. We used to do our hair together in the upstairs bathroom. We talked to each other in the reflection of the mirror instead of turning our heads. No wonder I got so good at lip-reading. 🙂 I am sure we had some funny quotes about our hair, but since I cannot think of one, I will tell you my favorite off Little Women. The March family gets word that their Father is wounded and Marmee needs to travel to help him. They have little money, so Marmee sends Jo to ask Great-Aunt March (who has plenty) if she could spare some for the journey. Jo does not have the heart to ask for money, so she sells her hair. Jo takes off her hat coming into the room and Amy says, “Jo, how could you? Your one beauty.” HAHA. If my one beauty were based on hair, then I would be in quite a pickle. I am so glad God does not see it that way either. He sees the heart (I Samuel 16:7).

As I go get ready for the day, I will remember (1) God knows the exact number of hairs that are left on my head, so there is no need to obsess over my bald spots (Luke 12:7); (2) I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14); and (3) God will provide, so I do not have to worry (Matthew 6:25-33). That already makes getting ready in the morning quite a pleasant experience. Add a cup of coffee and sunshine…it is going to be a good day!

Enjoy your Friday. More to come…

1 Comment

Filed under Books and Movies, Family Times

Tagged as , , , ,

April 21, 2012 · 2:46 am

The color red.

Think of the color red. What comes to mind? I see a bright red, almost like a Delicious apple. I see lipstick. I see STOP signs. These are the first things I think of when I say the word, “red.” Isn’t it interesting to think that we all see different shades of colors? My shade of red is not the same of your shade of red. Not sure where I heard that, but I did once…maybe in a science class. Just another example of how unique each person is. 🙂 (Don’t believe me? Look it up. I just did and found many sites to confirm.) 🙂

Red. Seems to be the infamous color of most major sports teams here in this side of the country. I see red every day at work…I even wear a red shirt. (Of course some have seen their better days. I have a red shirt with pink polka dots on the bottom. I was helping a lady get things out of her cart and did not realize that her Clorox was leaking…or had been leaking her whole shopping trip. The grand finale was all over my red shirt and hands. I was very clean, but the smell gave me a headache. To reduce the white spots, we colored it in with a red magic marker. Genius, but it is now fading with every wash.)

There are different tones of red. Have you ever stopped to see around you the different tones of colors? Red. It can have several different meanings.

Beauty: Male birds such as Cardinals–very bold red! There are also Robins…their chest is a shade of red/orange. The only other red bird that I can pick out in the crowd is named…are you ready for this? It’s named “Purple Finch.” What on earth?!? It is red! I don’t understand that one! But hey, we all see different shades of colors. 😉 I found a website where it names all the birds (primarily the North American birds) that have shades of red. Very interesting. http://www.whatbird.com/browse/objs/all/birds_na_147/110/color/2066/red

Old barns. (Why do farmers paint them red anyway? Is it for a specific purpose or just the classic farm look? Either way, I think they are beautiful to see among the farm-house and equipment.) There are also a lot of red fruits (which happen to be my favorite!) Strawberries, cherries, tomatoes, watermelons, raspberries, cranberries, grapes and apples–each designed in a different shade of red and also flavor.

There is beauty in red when I think of love. There are red hearts and red roses. Just thinking of love made me think of passion. Passion reminded me of lust. Did you know that “lust” is an actual shade of red? I just learned this! Of course in context and definition, love and lust have different connotations. Love, so much more than just Valentine’s Day. C.S. Lewis said,

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.

There is a beauty in symbolism, such as the USA flag. As Secretary of the Continental Congress, Charles Thompson said, “Red, [signifies] hardiness and valour,” (Duane Streufert. 2005.) There is a red ring within the Olympics five rings (representing the five continents). And of course Christmas. Red and green. There are obvious ones that I am not sure of the meaning. Why is Rudolf’s nose red? Or why does Santa wear a red suit? There are red berries on mistletoe, red strips on candy canes and the wise men gave three gifts to Jesus: Gold, frankincense and myrrh. I thought maybe myrrh was red based, but was not certain until I looked it up. It is. 🙂 I found this site so interesting! http://science.howstuffworks.com/environmental/life/botany/question2831.htm. And last, when I think of myrrh, I also think of red rocks. I lived near Denver’s Red Rocks amphitheater. Beautiful! There is also the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs and my personal favorite that I hope to see someday: Petra (Mount Hor, Jordan). Truly beautiful!

From: http://www.oddee.com/item_89087.aspx (If you love history and architecture, then read this site. It is about the 10 lost cities.)

Practical uses: STOP signs, which were not always red. In fact there were no such things as stop signs at the beginning of the 20th century. You think seeing a person run a stop sign or run through a red light today is maddening, listen to this:

At a time when there were no driver’s licenses, speed limits or clear lane demarcations, the notion of a stop sign was revolutionary. In fact, aside from the occasional road markers letting riders on horseback know how far they were from the next city, there was no road or street signage at all. (Greenbaum and Rubinstein, December 2011.)

Sounds pretty chaotic! Even when they were put into place they were “a 2-by-2-feet sheet of metal with black lettering on a white background” (Greenbaum and Rubinstein). It wasn’t until 1954 that they turned red. There are other warning signs. I took this picture at an old mill. I thought it was hilarious considering my history of falling and weak ankles:

Fire extinguishers, EXIT signs in buildings, rear lights on automobiles, and flashing lights of police, fire and ambulance vehicles all contain red. People who take pictures like to take out red: reduce red-eye functions. Growing up, we graded papers at school with a red pen. Red helped you see your mistakes. Have you ever read the classic book, The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne? The scarlet letter is an uppercase A attached to Hester’s dress, representing the shame and punishment of adultry. Although I was not a big fan of the book in high school, I would like to read it again realizing that there is so much imagery and symbolism that I might not have understood before. My Bible uses red print in the four Gospels and Acts to show when Jesus speaks. When I paint, I have to be careful; red takes over the other colors. Sometimes the blendings make a deep blend of purple, which helped on my mountain portrait…but other times if I use too much red then it ruins the painting. Likewise in opposite cases, I add red to bring out some flavor of an otherwise dull piece of art. Red is so practical.

What do you see in red? I started out with a short hand written list. The more I thought of the color, the more came to my mind. Take time this weekend to enjoy your favorite colors, whether it is red or another. Red is not necessarily my favorite color, but it was a great place to start (it is the first color of the rainbow you know–at least from top to bottom. I learned it as ROY G BIV. Others learned it the opposite way with violet starting, VIB G YOR. Makes more sense to me the first way.) 😀 More to come…

References:

C.S. Lewis. http://thinkexist.com/quotes/c.s._lewis/

Duane Streufert. 2005, February 10. What Do the Colors of the Flag Mean? The Flag of the United States of Amercia. Retrieved April 20, 2012 from http://www.usflag.org/colors.html

Hilary Greenbaum and Dana Rubinstein. 2011, December 9. The Stop Sign Wasn’t Always Red. The New York Times. Retrieved April 20, 2012 from http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/11/magazine/stop-sign.html

Leave a comment

Filed under Books and Movies, Paintings, Uncategorized

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

April 16, 2012 · 12:43 am

Cursive handwriting.

It is a dying art. At least that is my opinion. Not too many people I know write in cursive. A few I can confirm: my mom, my grandmas, one grandpa, and just a few older lady friends who write me cards. I really can’t say that I know anyone my age that writes pure cursive at all times. Think of how many generations wrote in cursive! It is almost like a language: when you stop using it or practicing, you forget it. I realized this during yesterday’s spontaneous lesson.

I just finished a book called, Signing Their Lives Away: The Fame and Misfortune of the Men Who Signed The Declaration of Independence, by Denise Kiernan and Joseph D’Agnese. It is a really interesting book! So often we only hear about the famous men such as John Adams, Patrick Henry, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin. There are 56 signers and for most I had never heard of their names before, which means that I had a great history lesson reading this book! Fascinating to read about their upbringings/occupations, impact of the revolution, their duties during and after the war in public service, and how their lives ended.

Now, obviously, these men did a lot of writing. They corresponded to each other in letters, wrote documents and edited them using paper and a feather tipped in ink before the documents ever reached the printing press. And people think typewriters were a pain. 😉 Now, the signers names caught my attention: Some of their names are shortened, such as only writing the first two or three letters of their first name before they affix their last names; some signatures are big–such as John Hancock, who also had excellent penmanship; some are small, and others are a bit sloppy–such as Stephen Hopskins (Kiernan and D’Agnese. p. 38, 50).  Fifty-six signatures and they all had one thing in common (as far as writing style goes): they are all in cursive. Let me say that again. These famous signatures are written in cursive!!!

I thought to myself, “When was the last time I wrote in cursive?” The answer: probably 5th grade. We were required to write in cursive in elementary school, then had a choice in junior high of what our preference was in writing. I liked to write fast (still do), because I think fast. Cursive took me so long to write, so I opted for a sloppy something in between cursive and print. I sometimes use an uppercase cursive “L” for paintings, but that is about it. This was a wedding present for my best friend back home:

Thus, my thoughts all came to one conclusion: I must write in cursive! I borrowed Mom’s “feathered” pen–she had attached two fake daisies and leaves to the top of a pen, seemed feathery enough!–and off I started with vicarious intents! I got my “T” down, but my hand could not follow the motions that my brain was trying to remember. I ended up just sitting there at the table staring at a blank piece of paper. It was then I decided that if signer John Penn could teach himself how to read and write at the age of eighteen (p. 202), then I could relearn cursive handwriting! I googled “How to write in cursive” and found myself with oodles of practice printouts from www.abcteach.com. I found the experience enlightening. My dad noticed and said it was actually good Occupational Therapy. Genius! 😀 If I graded my practice sheets, I would probably given myself a B-. HAHA!!! Serious though, the “Q’s” and “Z’s” are somewhat ridiculous.

After a quick practice, I wrote a short paragraph. What do you know?!? My handwriting is actually legible!!! 😀

I enjoyed a short “back to school moment.” The hardest issue for me was not lifting my pen. A website called “wiseGEEK” says,

When writing cursive, never remove your pencil from the paper in the middle of the word. All the letters are connected together through a series of loops. This gives the letters an appearance of flowing together                                       (Conjecture Corporation, 2003-2012).

I am not sure if I will write all the time in cursive. Maybe here and there now that it is fresh in my memory and good therapy for my hands. Regardless, I think it is beautiful art within the written language (when written smooth and in the author’s own signature style). It is something that I hope we never lose completely. If you have not written in cursive for a while, try it! I think you will find that your hand remembers the motions of the letters quickly once you get started. Have fun and more to come…

References:

Kiernan and D’Agnese. (2009). Signing Their Lives Away: The Fame and Misfortune of the Men Who Signed The Declaration of    Independence. Philadelphia: Quirk Books.

“What Should I Know about Writing Cursive?” wiseGEEK: clear answers for common questions. Conjecture Corporation, 2003-2012. http://www.wisegeek.com/what-should-i-know-about-writing-cursive.htm.

4 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Paintings, Random

Tagged as , ,

April 5, 2012 · 11:22 pm

One step at a time.

Guess what happened at Physical Therapy today!?!?!?!

I WALKED IN A STRAIGHT LINE…ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ANOTHER FOOT!!!!

Last time I have been able to do that was right after my surgery…freshman year of high school. Wow. 🙂 It was not fast and I was super wobbly, but I did it! All the practice of standing on one foot and other balance exercises have paid off. It must have looked something like a baby taking the first steps on their own. I was the only one in the room too! Usually the room is full of other patients. But no one saw it: only me, my PTA and God. 🙂

Habakkuk 3:19 says, “The Sovereign LORD is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.” My weak ankles reminds me of another girl with weak ankles: Much Afraid. Have you ever read Hannah Hurnard’s classic work, Hind’s Feet on High Places? Much Afraid is the main character. Although I have never read the original book, I grew up on the junior book aimed for children or teens. I remember her journey…from the Valley of Humiliation to the High Places. Her companions are “Sorrow” and “Suffering.” The journey is hard. But when she makes it to the High Places, the Shepherd is there. Such abounding joy follows. You can read the first chapter here: http://files.tyndale.com/thpdata/FirstChapters/978-0-8423-1394-0.pdf. If you enjoy that then I really recommend the book. I look forward to reading it soon myself!

I find that I can be like Much Afraid: timid, physically challenged (she has weak–and I believe crooked–ankles as well), set out on a hard journey and there are some days where the mind tells the body: “You will never make it.” I have been there. Life is hard. The joy of the celebration of Easter means that my companions do not have to be “Sorrow” and “Suffering”; although Jesus never said that I would NOT have them, but to have hope–because He is greater than these things. Jesus conquered death. I do not need to fear even in spite of them: “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 [Italics emphasized].

Much Afraid’s story reminds me of my favorite song. Ever. I know I have said that I have many favorite songs, but this–this is my life song (so to speak). When I was little, I wanted to learn how to play it on the piano and sing it in church. It is by Cindy Morgan called, “I Will Be Free.” Instead of my own explanation, I thought it would be better for you to just read the lyrics. I also found a great video of her playing live, so you can hear the song and read the words at the same time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ySp0gktlN4.

The mountains are steep and the valley’s low

And already I’m weary but I have so far to go

Oh, and sorrow holds my hand and suffering sings me songs

But when I close my eyes I know to whom I belong

And who makes me strong

I will be free, I will be free to run the mountains

I will be free, free to drink from the living fountain

Oh, I’ll never turn back ’cause he awaits for me

Oh, I will be free

A wise man, a rich man in pauper’s clothes

A shepherd to lead us through the land of woes

Though many battles I have lost, so many rivers yet to cross

But my eyes behold the Son who bore my loss and who paid the cost

I will be free, I will be free to run the mountains

I will be free, oh, free to drink from the living fountain

Oh, I’ll never turn back ’cause He awaits for me, oh

Oh, I will be free, oh

Oh and I’ll dance on silver moonlight and I’ll walk through velvet fields

Oh, and I’ll run into the arms, the arms that set me free

Oh, I will be free to run the mountains, I will be free

Free to drink from the living fountain

Oh, I’ll never turn back ’cause He awaits, oh I’ll never turn back

Don’t you ever turn back ‘Cause someday, someday we’re gonna see

That we will be free

[“I Will Be Free.” Cindy Morgan. A Reason to Live. Sony, 1993.]

Have a blessed Easter weekend. I will continue my thoughts on life next week…

3 Comments

Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies

Tagged as , , , ,

March 30, 2012 · 6:33 pm

A pleasant day, indeed!

Today was refreshing. Got to do some laundry, organize my paper clutter of bills and things to do (while getting things done in the process) and I even got to go to the town’s public library. 😀 It was the first time that I stepped foot in there and I thought it was a very studious library! It is not very large, but it presents an adventurous atmosphere of learning, especially for children. I even got a county library card and can’t wait to put it to good use–guess I need to finish the books I have already started!

I am a funny person when it comes to reading books. I think it reflects my personality. I read at least two books at a time; right now I am reading three. Might seem silly, but unless it is absolutely captivating (such as Safely Home by Randy Alcorn or I Still Believe by Jeremy Camp), then I like to switch off and on with books–reading a few chapters a day out of one book and switch to another book the next day. I see this pattern in the way that I go about completing projects or “to do” lists. Some people might say my jumping from one subject or task to another is the same as being distracted. Possibly so, but I like to think of it as following a train of thought, so to speak. Even when I talk in a conversation, the subject at hand will remind me of something else, so I say what I am thinking and then return back to the original conversation. Of course, if I think too fast–I forget my train of thought and then say, “Where was I going with this?” 😀 Relating back to books–see how I am following my train of thoughts, ;)–reading ignites a path for learning. My brain loves learning! However, I am about as picky with my book preferences as I am with my vegetables. I am getting better; as I grow older, I see that my preferences are starting to broaden in what I enjoy reading and even what veggies I eat. 🙂

What kinds of books do you like to read? There are so many aspects of literature: fiction, autobiographies, biographies, history, philosophy, theology, sports, science fiction,  poetry, drama, folktales and myths. fantasy…the list goes on and on!! Thomas Jefferson had a personal library of over 200 books! We saw part of his collection in the Library of Congress in Washington D.C.! I own 2 bookshelves and try to keep my books organized, but somehow I never put them back in the same spot. Jefferson had his library completely organized in relating to what subject the book was about and even had the sections labeled. For example, “Mathematics”, “Philosophy”, “Science” and “Theology” are a few of what I remember he had labeled. There were so many subjects presented! Jefferson once told John Adams in a letter,

“I cannot live without books; but fewer will suffice where amusement, and not use, is the only future object.”

Cappon, Lester J. ed. The Adams-Jefferson Letters. Chapel Hill NC: University of North Carolina Press, 1959. Monticello, Home of Thomas Jefferson, 1988. Thomas Jefferson Foundation, Inc. March 30, 2012 <http://www.monticello.org/site/jefferson/i-cannot-live-without-books-quotation&gt;.

[*A really fascinating website! We visited Monticello when I was in junior high. Very rare piece of history and another favorite is George Washington’s Mount Vernon!]

If you have not noticed by now, history is one of my favorite subjects! If you want statistics, I would say that probably eight out of every ten books that I own is about history. I find any period of history an enjoyment to learn more about and study! (Which is another thing that I am excited for in using my library card: documentaries! :D) I also enjoy biographies, classic works of theology or philosophy and of course, any other books considered to be “timeless classics.” Right now a few classics on my list to read are Utopia by Sir Thomas More, Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, Moby Dick by Herman Melville and The Arabian Nights: tales from a thousand and one nights by Sir Richard Burton. A few of my favorites already read are A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald and Confessions by St. Augustine of Hippo.

I don’t make New Year’s Resolutions, but this year I told myself that I would like to see more time spent reading. After I got out of the hospital from the blood clot, I had to sit a lot with my feet up. I read A TON! I finished three books and started a few more! It was so relaxing!

Even Muffy was relaxed! 😀 I find now that my physical body is back to a more normal status, my time is now back to a “busy body” schedule. I miss sitting for hours reading, but at the same time I am very thankful that I don’t have to sit for hours and can get out to enjoy the warm weather–hard to balance between the two. I could read outside I guess. 🙂 Speaking of the outdoors, I must go. It is a lovely evening and I get to spend it with my Dad. More to come…

5 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Muffy, Random

Tagged as , , , ,

March 20, 2012 · 12:05 am

Seeing Spring.

First Day of Spring!!

“Who is this cute kid”, you might be asking??? Well, don’t be disappointed, but it is ME!! 😀 Yep, this is me about 5 years of age. Notice my 😎 (red circle glasses). Try not to laugh, but I still have them in a case safely stored in my special box. 🙂 Now, a few things you should know about these red spectacles: they were my first glasses!! Pretty big deal! To keep these on my ears (my ears are tiny!!), the frames around my ears went almost a full circle. I got asked often if I had my ears pierced, because the little gold tip came just around the bottom of my ear for people to see. 🙂 I thought it was a great fashion accessory at the time!! (That or my Grandma’s clip on earrings.) Those cool frames started to break apart around the ears, so until I got my new frames (which were not so cute…they were MEGA frames!!), my Mom put band aides on them to hold them together. Yes, the band aides are still there today!! Imagine someone finding these glasses 50 years from now–they might be antiques…band aids and all!

Without my glasses, everything is blurry. Blurry reminds me of the future. Even Star Wars uses the future as a main part of the plot. In Episode III, Anakin is having visions about Padme, which he interprets that she is dying…so in order to save her, he gave into the Dark Side of the Force because of his fears. Yet it did not save her (in fact he killed her in his anger). Contrast, in Episode V, Luke has visions of his friends in Cloud City. He asked Yoda if they would die. Yoda says, “Hard to see. Always in motion is the future.” Classic line, but also true!

Just like when I take my eyes off Jesus, my vision gets blurry. Hebrews 12:1-2: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” The future never turns out like I imagine–sometimes worse, sometimes better. I had a blurry moment yesterday. I was talking with my Mom and just realized that I am still not where God wants me to be. It is a constant learning process for me and right now I am in a dry spot. It is like green grass trying to grow underneath the dead grass. My plans I have been hoping for since the blood clot are turning out very different from I would have liked…not that it is a bad turnout, just my stubborn heart won’t accept the changes, which God could use for good. My Mom really encouraged me again to keep walking by faith.

There is a song by Nichole Nordeman, called “Every Season.” She sings about how she sees God in all the seasons of the earth. She starts with summer, then fall, winter, then ends in spring. Her lyrics of Spring always give me the goosebumps. Why? Because she twists her lyrics to relate the seasons to her heart. Our hearts have seasons of change. This spring especially, I see that my heart is in a season of change…coming out of winter and into spring.

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You
And how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be
As You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

There are still going to be dry spots in my life. The blossoms are starting to appear, but growing slow. Best source of nutrition is the Word and in prayer, both of which God has convicted my heart that I need to do more of every day. Sort of like spring cleaning, but like my Mom told me yesterday–God is not going to just throw me out..he will see me to the end of every season. Lucky me, spring just started. 🙂

4 Comments

Filed under Books and Movies, Random

Tagged as , , ,

March 14, 2012 · 8:51 pm

2 Corinthians 5:7

On my birthday, my parents gave me Jeremy Camp’s book, I Still Believe: Discovering hope and healing in the midst of life’s deepest valleys. Now, I have to warn you that I might be all over the place with the post as so many thoughts are in my head right at the moment. Hang in there and I will try to make sense of all this in what I have to say.

I had already started a book called, The Lost Letters of Pergamum, which is extremely fascinating (more about that later I assure), and because I wanted to finish the book before I started any others, I just put the Jeremy Camp book under my Bible to save for later. A few days after when I got in bed, I just could not resist reading the first chapter…I can never read just one chapter if the book is compelling! A few chapters later, I found myself flooded over with memories from ten years ago.

In his book, Jeremy Camp tells his testimony and recaps the journey of his first wife’s battle with cancer in early 2000-2001 along with his healing process and how God led him on a journey to meet his wife now, Adie (former Benjamin Gate lead singer). Back up ten years when I first heard about Jeremy Camp, his first album, Stay, had just been released September 24, 2002.

If you read my “What is NF2 page” you will note that this is before November when I first discovered the NF2 disease. Well, back up a few months to end of August 2002, CCM (Contemporary Christian Music) magazine had a two-page story about Jeremy Camp and his late wife’s testimony. I was so absorbed in the story, by the end, I was in tears. I knew I wanted to get his cd and hear the songs that he had talked about in the article.

October 2002, I finally got my braces off and on the way home, my Mom and I stopped by the Family Christian Book Store in Colorado Springs to get a few new cd’s–Stay was obviously one of them. As we enjoyed a few hours of music on the way home, I noticed I was drawn to Jeremy Camp’s album. It is rock and I liked that, but most important, I was drawn to the lyrics of 2 songs in particular: “Walk by Faith” and “I Still Believe.” Over the next month, I quickly memorized the lyrics to all the songs on the album not realizing how much that his songs were going to help me in my darkest hour. Then November 18th came. That night after we called grandparents and a few of my closest friends, I sat down just overwhelmed with emotions and confusion. I put on Jeremy Camp’s cd and for the next few weeks after that, it never left my cd player.

In April 2003, my oldest sister’s college invited me to their campus as they were hosting Jeremy Camp for an evening of worship. My sister had shared my story with many of her friends and they knew how much Jeremy Camp’s music had impacted my walk with the Lord during the hard physical and emotional battles. Because I had just finished my six weeks of radiation and was catching up on my school work, I was not able to attend. I was so bummed. I cried!!

God provided another concert in Denver, May 2003 at the West Bowles Community Church. [Just a funny side note–I pronounce things wrong a lot but some of the funniest were when I did not have my hearing aids. For example…West Bowles (Bowles pronounced as in a bowl used for eating…)–I pronounced it as West BowELS. Oh the laughs from my family could not be contained on that one! 🙂 ) Anyway, we headed up to Denver to pick up my sister from the airport and went to the concert. By this time, Jeremy Camp had just asked Adie to marry him, and she was there that evening. Reading the book now, I see the journey of healing for him and hope that God gave him in his relationship with Adie. Truly an encouraging and inspiring story that I was not aware of at the time of the concert. The line to talk with Jeremy Camp in person was endless, but it was a time I will never forget. I was able to share with him about how God used his music to encourage me when I first discovered the news of NF2. My family and I got to pray with him which was really special. The next morning was a Sunday, so we went to the morning worship service where Jeremy led worship and told more of his testimony. It was an incredible time!

I want to refocus on present day. It has been quite a while since I have heard of anything going on in Jeremy Camp’s life. I had just learned that he had a book coming out a few weeks before my birthday, and surprise, it was my birthday present. The thing is, I know it is God timed. Think about it (or as Star Wars would say, “Search your feelings, you know this to be true.” 🙂 ). I KNOW it is God timed. God timed Jeremy’s first cd to release a few days short of 2 months before the MRI results–the impact of the songs speaking truth about our walk with God is something that helped bring peace when all this started. Now, ten years later, Jeremy’s book releases exactly one month AFTER my blood clot. It was actually the week of February 19-25th that I hit a wall-not just physically and emotionally–but spiritually. I was angry and could not see any hope. To be honest, I am still struggling. I don’t have it all together yet…but that is why I am relating to this book, because we don’t have to have it all together–we just have to walk by faith. I am still not sure why God had this blood clot happen right when I was settled and doing so well…but I will never know here on earth and that is what Jeremy Camp’s book has reminded me–“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.

This book has really encouraged me and, most importantly, reminded me that God is with me every step of the way. He knows my hurt, my frustrations and my sorrows. Jesus said, “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world,” (John 16:33). If you have anyone that you know–or maybe even yourself– that is in need of encouragement, I really recommend this book. My story is my own story of how God has used Jeremy Camp’s testimony to encourage me not once, but twice, in my life. Maybe God will use it to encourage and bring hope to others as well. 🙂  God does amazing work in our time of greatest need…sometimes all we need is a little reminder and a point back towards the right direction. I leave you with my favorite song, “Walk by Faith” by Jeremy Camp.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3rP_3xAKi8

2 Comments

Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Books and Movies

Tagged as , ,

March 8, 2012 · 1:25 am

Beauty from within.

Tonight I went down to the basement to watch my favorite television show, The Middle. It was a repeat, so I decided to watch a movie. My Mom had recorded a few months ago, so I chose to watch How To Save a Life. I thought that it was excellent! It is about a teen boy, Jake–senior in high school all set to go to college on a basketball scholarship, typical popular kid with party friends and pretty girlfriend. Over the course of events (I do not want to spoil the movie if you have not seen it), Jake realizes that the life he is living is fake. A youth pastor enters his life and welcomes Jake into a friendship with no judgment for his past. Jake soon starts to change. He stops the parties and starts hanging out with the considered losers at lunch. He befriends another kid from school and in the end you see how it made a difference in their lives. Just a really well done movie with a message not just for teens, but for any age.

The whole theme of the movie was about judging people and how it affects lives in a negative way, contrast with making a decision to not judge and how it can bless people. Why do we judge people? The whole story really hit me, because I struggled with popularity in high school. I never did parties, but I had cool friends and preferred to hang out with them at lunch rather than sit with other groups of people (just an example). I can’t go back and change it now, but I guess what my mind keeps coming back to is that we judge. And I should not. Jesus said, “Judge not, that you be not judged.” -Matthew 7:1, NKJV. Pretty much ends all debate.

I know we already passed Valentine’s Day, but I wanted to share a story with you about what God taught me in this area during the spring semester of ’09 when I was undergoing 6 sessions of chemo. I am not a big fan of Valentine’s Day. I just figure we can tell our loved ones, “I love you”, everyday. That year in particular, instead of feeling sad that I did not get a date or flowers, I asked God to show me how to love others. It is so easy to say, “I love you” as much as it is easy to say that I love coffee. I wanted to put action to my words. I had chemo right around Valentine’s or a bit after, I cannot remember now. Denver Children’s is always really busy, especially in the Oncology Department. Fridays were no exception and that day in particular, I had to share a room with another patient. They had the curtains closed so I could not see the other patient until the nurses came in. It was a girl a few years younger than me and her Dad was with her as well. My two friends from high school were with me that day, so we were chatting quite a bit and unknowingly, too loud for the other girl. Her Dad kept giving us glances and I tried to keep the conversation low.

After what seemed forever, I finished and was getting ready to leave. The girl’s Dad had gone to get her a Sprite and my friends started to leave towards the hallway. I was still wearing hats at the time, but had a few extras that day to donate to the main waiting area. I looked in my bag and found a cute one and went around the curtain to her bed. She was sleeping, so I just laid it on the table. I guess my sudden movement woke her up, because we just stared at each other for a second and I finally said that I had some extra hats and I wanted her to choose one. I gave her the bag of hats and while she was looking at them, I noticed how beautiful she was. Here she lay, with more than one IV, no hair or eyebrows, as pale as I have ever seen a patient and yet when she smiled, she was beautiful. I was so touched. Here I had been frustrated with the fact that I could not talk regular with my friends, like it was the biggest deal in the world.  Yet I realized that I did not know this girl, her background or her physical status but none of that seemed to matter during our short 5 minutes together. I never saw her again. I just know that God taught me to love that day, love like he loves–seeing past the physical and the beauty that comes from within.

I would be lying to say that I still love like that at all times. There have been many times since then where loving was hard, and instead, I judged and I failed. I am so thankful that God’s love never fails. I am so unworthy, yet he never judges me for my mistakes and always forgives, which is what I should do towards others in every circumstance. “Greater love has no one that this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” I John 15:13, NIV. God’s love is unfathomable. ❤

1 Comment

Filed under Books and Movies, Hospital Trips