When I knew there was a pause in the dinner conversation last week, I had leaned over towards Dad and whispered with an “Oh my” expression, “I am getting bifocals!!” Dad responded with the same, “Oh my”expression, not that this came as a surprise…in fact when I got home from the eye doctor, I hastily returned to my unfinished email drafts and wrote my friend– “I knew it! BIFOCALS!” –as if they were something to be excited about, but in all honesty, I was excited. New glasses! All I had to do was wait, just a little longer, for their arrival.
I like surprises and I am very bad at keeping them. “Are they red?” Dad starts inquiring about the new frames. “I’m nt going to tell!” I reply, trying to sound most determined to actually not. “They’re retro…” is the only clue I give and make my hands in big circles around my eyes. And they are retro, for me, anyway. 🙂 Something new, different. Even I was surprised yesterday when Mom brings home my new sparkly case after her own appointment. “That was fast!”–I say excited and put the new frames on. I had Marcia close her eyes for the surprise new look, and as I am saying, “OH WOW!”, because I can see…Marcia is saying, “Can I open my eyes now?” 🙂 Dad’s surprise was the best; this time, his “Oh my” expression was more truthful. Muffy had just emerged from a nap on my bed and was waltzing under the dining room table, wanting to be pet. I couldn’t fully reach him sitting up, so I leaned my head under the table to assist in coaxing him nearer to my chair. It didn’t work, so I sat back normal right as Dad was putting his work bag on the table. “Hi, Dad! I told you they were retro.”
Like anything else in my body, the tumors control the functioning aspects of the brain and nerves. But I always find it fascinating that the brain can be “retrained.” This is why PT is so gruesome for me, because the brain is once again being forced to send the cut-off messages to the muscles from the hindered and blockaded nerves. And while there is no PT for my eyes–and the glasses don’t solve the shadow, loss of vision or lighting problems–being able to see gave my brain a full work-out…and I had to periodically take my glasses off as to not give myself a headache.
“It will take time,” Mom reassures me. Indeed it will, considering how long it has been and how much change there has been. Even recognizing myself in the mirror will take time, but it will come in time, day by day.
I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.