I’m just going to be honest here…this weekend has been rough. Like a sea of emotions, mixing memories of the past with the present times and having to face the reality of potential changes in the near future. Collide them together and the waves crash into the boat. And it feels as though I have been thrown overboard and I get physically sick. Weak and vulnerable, I feel my courage start to fade.
I am in the middle of the storm. A voice calls out,”Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid.” (Matthew 14: 22-33)
He bids me come…but I am fearful of the waters, the waves–I am fearful of letting go of the sinking ship that is currently keeping me afloat. I must decide. Do I wait until the boat is no more or do I release my grip while it is still in sight? The decision is mine. How long I remain at stalemate is unknown.
Yet in the storm, I see Him waiting. He has not abandoned me. I cry out; I plead for strength, discernment, hope.
Reach down for me, True God; deliver me.
The waters have risen to my neck; I am going down!
My feet are swallowed in this murky bog;
I am sinking—there is no sturdy ground.
I am in the deep;
the floods are crashing in!
I am weary of howling;
my throat is scratched dry.But, Eternal One, I just pray the time is right
that You would hear me. And, True God,
because You are enduring love, that You would answer.
In Your faithfulness, please, save me.Psalm 69: 1-3, 13 (The Voice)
My Life with NF2 
Praying for you & for God to give you guidance & strength!! Hugs……….
Thanks. This morning’s devotions were encouraging. Sometimes you just have to hit rock bottom before rising again.
Your attitude is a gift. It is infectious and I hope I catch it. May our Lord Jesus’ hand uphold you. His right hand sustain you. Psalm 139 I think is the one where David expresses the following, ” Search me O God and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any evil in me and lead me in the way everlasting. If I rise on wings like an eagle, if I sail on waves across the sea and if I make the grave my bed, even there shall your hand uphold me, your right hand sustain me.” I had the privilege to sing this psalm as a part of a college chapel choir when I was far away from home and oh so anxious after having been through a knee surgery.
I kept thinking of the Casting Crowns, “Praise You in this Storm” song as I wrote this post. I love how God also speaks to us in music to the heart that otherwise has no words.
At club we just told the story of Jesus walking on water. I’m always amazed that Peter had faith to step out of the boat. As you can imagine – we did it all on the flannel board. Thank you for sharing these beautiful words Mel. Love you…
Thoughts of the flannel board just made me smile. That stuff is one of a kind!! 🙂
He says, “Peace, be still.” He will calm you.
–keeping you in my prayers today!
I wonder if it was windy when Peter got out of the boat? Almost seems to me that maybe it wasn’t…then as he walked on the water, the wind rose. If it was already like that, maybe he wouldn’t have put his feet on the water? Hmmm, just an interesting thought.
Love you Aunt Tanis.
praying…
Thanks Janet. I still have that email coming for you! Missed seeing you at church. I went to the later service. Big hugs!
Decisions and changes are hard….I have especially found that to be true as I have become older. Our God does tell us to listen for his small voice. I know you love him and worship him and that our Lord will not fail you. May His peace go with you each day as you discover what his plan is for you. You are in my thoughts always sweet friend. Praying for you.
The decisions I am having to make are making me feel old (no offense, haha). The decisions my body decides too–which are uncontrollable to me–are making me feel old,but also like a kid at the same time. I just feel somewhat stuck in the middle. Changes are hard. Especially when they come abruptly. Yet we carry on. 🙂
Oh, Mel! It was a terrible weekend for us, too! Perhaps it was spiritual warfare? No doubt Satan wants us focused on the yuck….which leads to more yuck! Would love to chat with you? Want to get together tomorrow?
I have plans tomorrow,but sending you an email of other possibilities.Would love the chat! 😀
You are on my heart today and I am praying. Psa.118:6.
I read some of Psalm 119 this morning, but thanks for this verse and prayers.
It seems, Mel that it’s all over- that heavy feeling. Could it be the not-quite-here change in seasons? The relenetless winter? For one reason and another, March has always been the longest month to me. I am torn between wanting time to slow down so I can catch up and wanting it to speed quicly by to usher in the warm days of late spring and summer….in my prayers you are…
This winter has been a long one–sort of seems ironic that the change of seasons brings changes in life too. The slow down, yet speed up process I fully understand. Glad I am not alone there. 🙂
Melinda, thanks so much for your honesty and for sharing God’s love and words in the midst of your pain and suffering. I’m praying you have a good week and feel encouraged in all the ways you need to be encouraged! I love you dear friend!
Dear Jane, I read this and see you signing it in my head.:D Miss you dearly!
“When everything is wrong
The day has passed and nothing’s done
And the whole world seems against me
When I’m rolling in my bed, there’s a storm in my head
I’m afraid of sinking in despair.
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what You’re bringing me will
Change my life and bring You glory
There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in Your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.
You rebuke the wind and the waves
Once again I find I’m amazed by the power of Your will
‘Cause I’m a child of little faith
I feel the wind and forget Your grace
And You say, “Peace, be still.”
Teach me, Lord to have faith
In what You’re bringing me will
Change my life and bring You glory
There on the storm I am learning to let go
Of the will that I so long to control
There may I be in Your arms eternally
I thank you, Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.
Oh when the torment blows
The middle of the sea.
May I never trust, never trust in me.
‘Cause there in Your arms I find
No tragedy.
There on the storm I am learning to let go
The white wave’s high, it’s crashing o’er the deck
And I don’t know where I go
Where are You Lord, is my ship going down?
The mast is gone so throw the anchor
Should I jump and try to swim to land?
There on the storm, teach me God to understand
Of Your will that I just cannot control.
There may I see all Your love protecting me
I thank you Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.”
~Downhere / Calmer of the Storm
XOXO, Megs