It is that time again…after three months of no doctor appointments (give or take a few random ones), today was my annual MRI and hearing test day. I only have half the results as I will find out the results of my MRI next week when I see my team of doctors at Children’s in Cincinnati.
My results are from my hearing test. I had actually prepared myself (maybe prepared is too strong of a word)–hmmm. maybe I should say, “wrestled with my emotions” on this subject weeks ago. It first started when I was on the spring break vacation with my family. I felt isolation. There were the large family dinners with company. In those moments, I felt anger and frustration. There were the nights I laid in bed and talked to God and just asked Him how I was going to live with all this new change. I felt sadness. There were the moments my family signed to me and I understood; practicing a language brought laughter.
I didn’t really have any emotions today going into my hearing test. Well, ok, maybe one slight assertive emotion: I go in and sit in the chair and we start discussing how my hearing has been and changes I have noticed. In the conversation I bring up my well-reasoned and thought out explanation of why I choose not to do the test where they read the word but cover their mouth. I say, “I just make up words.” Not on purpose, but I have no idea what the word is. I just think: that sounded like it started with a “C” and then say a word that it could be. Think of words! My probability of guessing the right word is off the charts! Which is why I always get zero correct when lips are covered. Then we test where I can read lips. A much more enjoyable experience! Sadly though, my assertiveness does not compare to set procedures, so I had to take all the word tests. I am sure the audiologist does not hear cases like mine often, since I am so old compared to the other patients there, so I am thankful she took time to hear my argument. 🙂
My right ear has stayed the same since February which is good news! The tinnitus today was not that bad, so I am glad for that too as some days it is SO loud, I feel that affects my hearing. I have an appointment next Friday with the Hearing, Speech and Deafness Center to get my hearing aid on the right side adjusted to a higher volume of hearing compatibility, because I don’t hear anything out of my left. The audiologist said, “It is not deaf yet,” because I could hear the beeps at two different levels (which I was not expecting). I was shocked! When I asked, she said it was at the highest level…so if you had regular hearing, I wonder how loud it would be! Basically, in order to “hear” something out of my left ear, it would have to be a volume of epic proportion–and at that point I still have my right ear so how would I be able to distinguish left from right?
I have been going without my left aid most often as it is a waste of battery. I usually just wear it in order to change the settings for the right as my right hand is so numb that changing the settings with it gets frustrating. At the present moment this is what I will continue to do. We did discuss very briefly the fact that cochlear implants is still an option if I choose. I previously had discussed with several doctors and did my own thinking and praying, listing of pros and cons on the subject. Right now, I still don’t have a peace about it, but I also feel that it is time to relook at my list, research and pray again about the subject just to refresh my knowledge. It is one of those situations I often wish that there was an easy answer for–but if the answer was easy, where would my faith be?
Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. For a people shall dwell in Zion, in Jerusalem; you shall weep no more. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you. And though the Lord give you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, yet your Teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. ~Isaiah 30:18-21 ESV
That is all I have today…more to come.