Seeing Ahead

Last week I saw the surgeon ophthalmologist for the cataracts in my eyes. After a whole day (literally) of sitting in the waiting area or the exam rooms, I left the hospital with extremely tired eyes. Cataracts plus dilated eye drops does not equal a good equation. 🙂

I haven’t had an eye exam in close to two and a half years. When I see my regular ophthalmologist every four months, it is only a visual field test and a quick shining of bright lights in the eyes as he checks the optic nerves for signs of swelling. No dilating, no tests where they set lenses and click back and forth–in which you say whether “one” or “two” is the clearer option. Simple and fast.

That being said, this eye appointment was interesting. Not only were my eyes so dilated (you could hardly see the color of my eyes), but also the bright lights in the eyes were making lip-reading a colorful experience. Everywhere I looked seemed to be a mesh of sea-green and magenta. I also realized that taking the option “one” or “two” test, I needed assistance; if I was viewing the letters on the wall with Star Wars looking vision specs, how was I to know which number was with which lens? I solved the problem by explaining that Mom should stand next to me–when the nurse flipped the lens, she would say the number. Mom would then tap my hand either once or twice and I would say which option was best. It was like a signing interpretation in the dark!

When my optic nerves were swollen and I was seeing black spots in my vision, I started a medication to help keep the swelling stable. Even last spring when the MRI showed growth in 80% of the brain tumors, my vision was not affected and I am very thankful. Although, currently, I am not seeing black spots, seeing through a fogged lens is starting to annoy me. I am out of focus. A least at home I can squint; I was told not to squint when taking the “read the letters as far down as you can” test. Squint focusing was cheating. 🙂

The past few days, has been difficult. It is testing my patience. I left the hospital with a surgery date: my left eye will be corrected July 1st. It seems so long…the thoughts, “Can’t it just be fixed right now?’ come to mind. Maybe more so, because of all my health problems, this is one that can be fixed…it’s temporary, anything else I experience is a permanent loss.

This morning, the story of Jesus healing a blind man came to mind (Mark 8:22-26.) When Jesus first laid his hands on the man’s eyes, the man could see–but it was not clear: “I see people, but they look like trees walking,” (24.) It was only after Jesus laid his hands on the man’s eyes for a second time that the man’s vision was fully healed. I wondered what the blind man may have been thinking after the first time Jesus laid his hands on his eyes, or even the disciples who were also present. It is not important, but the story does show a testing of faith.

The answers to our sufferings may not come rushing in all at once; in fact, it is rare if they do. What I see ahead may appear hazed and out of focus, but it is temporary–one day Faith will be Sight.

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

I Corinthians 13:12, NLT