Today’s expectations

I expected it to be an early morning: 5am, it was.
I expected the coffee machine at Children’s to boost my morning energy: the new machine was broken. 8am, no coffee.
I expected the appointments to discuss the main issues–balance, intestines and overall function–with a long list of things that can help for “future” changes: it did, but without the long list.
I expected my MRI results to come back reporting “stable” conditions, even though I have still experienced  some physical changes, like numbness in the right hand: it did and I am thankful for no tumor growth.
I expected my doctor to want an MRI in another 4 months: he didn’t and left the choice to me. Next MRI is planned for mid-August (6 whole months!) 🙂
I expected all my questions to be answered: they were, along with much great conversation.
I expected to leave by lunch: 12pm, we did.
– – –
Life is often lived in arrays of expectations. A day like today shines bright and hopeful; other days, the expectations fall into shadows of despair. And what of the expectations I hold for myself? I often feel the “need to perform” or “prove” to doctors that I am still doing my best possible. And though I did not struggle much with that today, there were still moments. And what of the Great Physician? Why do I feel the need to prove myself to God physically? He knows my body is broken. And he heals: maybe not in the ways I expect, but always in hope.

The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish. ~Proverbs 10:28 ESV


Filed under Adjusting to NF2, Hospital Trips

5 responses to “Today’s expectations

  1. Happy you had a wonderful day!!

  2. A.B.

    Happy Valentine’s Day Mel!

  3. This is really beautiful Mel

  4. Megan

    Hello sis!! I like what you said about ‘expectations falling into shadows of despair’… that resonated deeply with me as so many times I’ve allowed my own expectations to become what needs to be and when those are fallen short by others *(or so I feel even though they have not done anything wrong)- I then allow myself to be cast into despair sometimes. But why should I be doing this when what I really need to be doing is giving it up to God who never disappoints – allowing Him to exceed my wildest expectations!! But only if I let Him:):) Great post!!!!!!!! XOXO, Megs

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